Before Our Innocence Was Lost
by TrappedDream
Summary: Only Harry Potter was insane enough to want her love. Could fire and ice exist, without destroying each other completely? Harry P/OC
1. Prologue

_**Author's note: Hey people! I know, I know, how can I start a new story when I didn't finish the other one, right? But I'll manage to write both of them, I hope**__**) Anyway, to start this story has been in my mind forever! So… Please review and tell me what you think? Ps: I don't own anything, Harry Potter belongs to JKR! **_

**DECEMBER 10, 1996**

"Sarah?" Natalie said, coming closer to my bed "Honey, I'm beginning to worry. Everyone is."

I didn't even raise my head, I just stared into the space.

"Is there a problem, or-?" she couldn't finish the sentence and I let out a tiny laugh.

She gulped and tried again "Sar-"

"Leave me alone." My voice sounded weird

"But-"

"I said leave me alone!"

She startled and jumped on her feet. Anyone else would be already running towards the nearest exit but she had been with me since we were children. Before I turned into the person I was now. She was the only person who knew the real me. The only person I could trust right now.

"You can't go on like this, people will begin to suspect."

For once in my life, I didn't care. Let them suspect. Let them find out, let them come to lynch me. I couldn't care less. Maybe that way, I'd feel something.

I wondered, had he kissed her the same way he kissed me? Had he looked at her the same way he looked at me? Those emerald green flames burning inside of his eyes?

"_I'll make you feel something." He had said "I'll do it, I swear to God."_

My lips curled slightly. _Congratulations Harry. You succeeded.. _

"Do you want me to owl your parents?" she asked and I shook my head.

"I will be alright."I said after one minute and she turned her head to look at me. She seemed relieved for I had talked, finally.

"I'm Sarah Helen Beckingham." I reminded to myself, now sitting up straight. "No one can upset me. No one is worth it."

"Of course.." she murmured and I stood up, walked towards the full length mirror. I stopped and looked into the mirror. My dark brown hair looked messy as it had never been and my hazel eyes were red and puffy. My jaw clenched and I held my head up.

"I need no one." I repeated the words,which were burned into my brain for years, now with a stronger voice "I need no one else but myself."

I looked at Natalie's reflection from mirror. Her beautiful dark brown eyes, which I was used to look at me with admiration, were now looking at me with an another feeling. But the light inside of them was still the same, pure, naive…

If anyone could be naive in my world.

I could see the look inside of my eyes was coming back, my expression was changing. That familiar fire was replacing the pain. That never giving up ambition. Rage. Desire. That burning, unstoppable ferocity.

I turned around and she involuntarily took a step back.

I knew what the news would be in my common room minutes later.. In fact, all people inside of Hogwarts would be talking about one thing; Sarah Beckingham was back.

And of course, our new golden couple would hear it too. Well, good. It was my turn to hurt him now, he had right to know what was coming to hit them..

_I'm strong_. I whispered to myself silently _I'm stronger than everyone. _

"Get out of the room." I said and she went out without making me repeat it. I wiped the tears trying to escape from my eyes and brushed my hair off my face

"_Crying is something that weaks do"_ my mom would say _"And you're not weak."_

No, I wasn't weak. I would always survive, no matter what. I would always fight back, always walk away to my own path, never care anyone else. No one was worth to my second glance.

I clenched my teeth and tried a convincing smile, looking into the mirror. The girl inside of it looked at me mockingly and wore a smug smile.

Now I was sure. If I could smile even when my heart was aching this bad, even when I felt like crying, yelling until I couldn't find my voice anymore, I was neither weak.

Nor free. I had created my own cage.

I took a deep breath

_I'm happy. I'm flawless. I'm perfect._

_Or not._

_It doesn't matter though. I know what I have to do. _

"_If you can't do it, fake it"._

_It's the rule of the world I was born into. The world that you can't lose your innocence._

_Because you have to have it first._

"Goodbye Miss In Love.." I murmured "Welcome back, Ice Queen."


	2. Another Name For The Pain

**Author's Note: Ummm… Hi!****So, it's the new chapter, and I hope everyone likes it****Please review and tell me what you think! I need constructive criticism!****Ps: I don't own anything!**

It was a wonder how human body could hurt that much.

Not physically. Just..

It was a wonder how I could keep walking. Smiling. Talking, when I was actually bellowing from pain inside.

The worst of all, of course, no one could see it. Or should I say the best of all?

How could I feel those scars, itching my skin, hurting my nerves inside? How could I be the only one who could see them?

"Oo, Sarah decided to bless us with her presence…" Blaise said when he saw me, coming from upstairs. When I stepped into the room, everyone stepped back and looked at me.

"Couldn't see you around?"

"Flu." I said shortly, "But I'm alright now."

"I'm glad." He said "People missed you."

I made a nod, accepting his compliment and looked around. Some first and second years pushed each other to stand aside and some of the girls in my crew surrounded me

"You look a little pale." He stated and I raised a brow

"Do I?" I smiled "Even I can't be up and around after couple days of an illness, Zabini."

Some of the bootlickers laughed at this and I flung my hair back over my shoulder.

"I'm going out, see you later." I said and just when my minion group came closer, I shook my head

"No one will disturb me." I warned sternly and paused "Where is Natalie?"

"Outside, Sarah." Some girl said and I nodded

"Alright." I said and went out. The moment I stepped into corridor, his image flashed before my eyes.

His and Weasley's.

I blinked fastly and shook my head. Taking a deep breath, I forced my body to move, and took a step. Another one. And another one.

My lips were dry, as if the burning inside of me had started reaching outside.

"Sar?" Someone called my name and I turned around

"Hey kiddo…" I said, my voice sounded so…dead.

"Heyy!" she hugged me "Where are you going?"

"Outside." I said in the same tone, looking down at my sister. She looked perfect in my eyes, big baby blue eyes and blonde hair. She looked like an angel.

And with some kind of irony, she thought of me as an image of perfection.

"Can I come with you?"

I smiled "Not this time honey. I need to be alone for a while."

"What happened?" she asked curiously

"Nothing." I said, ruffling her hair "I have some things to think, that's it."

"Hmmm…" she murmured "Alright then. But promise me you will find me later."

My lips curled upwards once again. Of course she had understood something was wrong with me, she was one of the cleverest girls I had ever seen, which had made her sorted into Ravenclaw.

My mom and dad was pissed off as I had imagined.

"Promise." I said and she bit her lip

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Mm hm." I said "But I'd better be on my way, see you later."

"Bye." She said and I turned around, started walking. I reached outside and sat under a tree.

"_Is this how you charm girls, Potter?"_

"_Why would I want to charm you, Beckingham?"_

Oh great. I'm going insane now.

"_Don't make the mistake of thinking you know me Potter, people tend to think that before I ruin their lifes."_

"_I don't know you? Let's see, Sarah Beckingham, born to the top of the world, the girl that the rest of the world has been blessed with honour of breathing the same air. Proud Slytherin, future death eather, the ice queen that no man can have. Did I miss something?"_

Deep breaths, Sarah…

"_How can you not have any friends when you were child?"_

_He shrugged "When school's bully hates you, it's not that hard. What about you?"_

_I paused "You know Natalie, and there were… others. Other children used to try to be friends with me because their parents told them to. You know, to be close to my family, the money, the power…"_

"_Ouch."_

"_Yeap."_

Focus, don't think about it…

"_If I wanted it, and of course I'm not saying I want it, but even in the theory, we couldn't be-"_

"_Don't you think I know that? You'd be suddenly on top of Voldemort's target list, trust me."_

_I gulped and looked at him. He smiled in pain_

"_You've never thought about it, have you?That I can cause a pain to you? That somehow, I can be the reason of you getting hurt even if I don't want to?"_

Calm down, distract yourself…

"_What do you want from me!"_

"_I want you to admit that you love me! You want it too, I know you do, then why do we keep doing this stupid dance!"_

My hands balled up into fists and I punched the ground. I winced when I felt the burning pain in my fingers and suddenly startled when I heard the thunder.

It was-raining? Why hadn't I noticed it before?

How long had I been here?

I sniffed and stood up. I was sure that my eyeliner looked terrible and I wiped my eyes, taking deep shaking breaths.

What was I doing? I was supposed to be the center of attention, but instead, here I was, mourning about l-

_No_. I thought to myself _I don't love him._

My steps sped up and I headed back to castle. I entered the hall, and-

"Sarah?"

Oh great. Who now?

"What were you doing out there?" Natalie asked, looking at me with wide eyes

"Thinking."

"In the rain?"

I shrugged

"Sarah-"

"I'll go and get dressed for the dinner." I said automatically and she seemed a little taken aback

"Do you- need something?"

"Yes." I said, still walking "Tell Mary to check if Beth's alright, tell Lisa not to forget doing my potions homework, and tell Jane that I want "Transfiguration on Animals" book to be on my trunk when I get back from the dinner. See you at the Hall."

I turned a corner and ran my hand through my wet hair. I touched my eyelashes to see if my make up was smuging and..

"Oh bloody-" I murmured and looked at my reflection from a window. I licked my lips and took a hankie from my bag, wrapped it around my finger and touched my eyes with it gently.

A giggle came behind me and a couple turned the corner.

And that was when my body froze.

"Maybe we should skip the dinner…" she purred, twirling her red hair. She was holding his hand, and placed it on her waist, leaning her back against the wall.

He on the other hand looked frozen like me. His gaze focused on the window once he saw my reflection, and I could swear his breathing had gone faster.

I held my chin high and took a deep breath, one second later my back was straight up. I looked at his eyes's reflection from the window and then, lowered my eyelids, moving my head a little. I glanced over my shoulder and turned my head again .

And then, just like how I had learned from my mother, I turned on my heels, looking confident and without giving him another glance, I walked away


	3. It's For The Best

_**Author's Notes: Yay, I got reviews! Thanks soo much to EllieLovesDogs, Teacupss and rachel eckstein for them : ) So, I hope everyone likes this chapter, and.. please review and tell me what you think! I need it!  
Ps: I'm not British, nor am I rich, nor am I genius. Anyway, you got my point, I'm not JKR : ) **_

"And then, Slughorn said that it was one of the best Sleeping Draught potions he had ever seen, he said that I had a natural gift!" she said excitedly and I smiled

"Good one, kid."

"And-and he said that I might be among his special students next year."

"In his Club you mean?"

"Yes!" she said "Just like you." She added and I turned my glances at her- my little sister.

I couldn't tell her that she wouldn't want to be like me. She was too…nice for that, too open hearted. She didn't deserve to turn into me, no one did. Including myself.

She cleared her throat

"Umm-Sarah.." she gulped "Have you written to mum lately?"

I scowled "Why did you ask?"

"She-I wrote her and she was a little.. weird, I wondered if she told you something…"

I could feel my anger boiling inside of me but I pursed my lips

"She must be busy.." I said "They're always busy, you know that."

She took a deep breath "It's because of me, isn't it?"

"Beth!" I said "You're being ridiculous!"

"It is true, you know that." She said, her eyes full with tears "They write me rarely, and when they do, they're just.. distant. Because I couldn't get into Slytherin."

"No, because _they_ couldn't get into Ravenclaw." I corrected, taking her hand into my both hands "Seriously Bee, you're worrying for no good reason. They couldn't write me so often when I first get in here, they always had some things to do. And besides.." I added softly "At least you're in a house that you were sorted by intelligence, not by blood."

"So you wouldn't be upset if you were in Ravenclaw?"

"Of course not." I lied so convincingly that I almost believed it myself. "Besides, who cares what mum thinks? As if she and dad were such perfect students-"

"Mum said that she had 9 Outstandings in her OWL's."

"So what, you'll have 10." I said and she smiled shyly, then looked around

"Sarah?"

"Hm?"

"Where are your- ehm- minions?"

I looked at her, confused "I don't know, flirting with guys in the corridors or something. Why?"

She bit her lip "You- I'm not used to see you alone, that's all. Just curious."

I shrugged "I don't need a crew with me while I'm spending some time with my baby sist." I paused "And I-I needed some time alone."

She looked at me doubtfuly "Since when?"

"Why does everyone ask this question?"

"I don't know, maybe no one could ever see you without a crew surrounding you since you were…11?"

"Ha ha." I mimicked

"But seriously, you're so weird, as if-" she stopped in her mid sentence

"As if what?"

"You won't get mad?"

"Spill it, kid."

"Before the last two weeks- no before your-flu you were.." she licked her lips "You looked more.. alive." She said quietly, wrapping a grass arond her finger "It looked like you had changed but now you're just-cold again."

"Cold?"

"Empty." She nearly whispered and then raised her head to look into my eyes "You're my sister, I'm the only one who knows the real you- well, besides Natalie." She said "And I know what's hidden behind that cold attitude."

My body clenched for some reason "I'm fine, Beth."

She shook her head "You can't see it, can you?" she asked slowly "You'd never said "I'm fine" to anyone before. No one would ever dare to question your condition before, and you would never bother to think about what they thought-about you. But now, you're like- trying to convince people. You're trying to convince yourself."

I sighed "Alright, this conversation is over, you're being too Ravenclaw for my taste. And for my own intelligence."

She giggled "Sarah-"

"Go do your homework or whatever you brainiacs do in your free time." I said getting up "I gotta go-"

"Sar-"

"Don't dare to question my decisions." I winked at her and shouldered my bag, walked towards the castle. I froze on my mid-step and turned around, then started walking to the Owlery.

Maybe she was right. If I wanted to be like I used to be, I mustn't have been alone in any time.

But did I really want it? Did I want to turn into that soulless shell again?

I shook my head slightly and ascended the stairs, then looked around. I saw a table in the corner, and placed a parchement on it's clear side, then I started to write a really angry letter to my mum about how she was hurting Beth by behaving like it was over, I took my owl and tied the letter to his leg, and he flew away.

"Sarah?"

I didn't need to turn around to see who it was. There was no other voice that could make my heart beat speed up that much anyway..

I tried to ignore my urge to run into his arms and cry by taking a deep breath. I commanded myself to be strong and not knowing what else to do, I turned around.

His black hair was messy like always and his emerald green eyes that I loved had a sparkle in them, as if he had been waiting for years to see me.

_Yeah, right…_

He gulped and took a step towards me hesitantly but I didn't even move a finger. I couldn't.

He looked around "You're-alone?"

I didn't answer, I just looked at him as if I were hypnotized. Maybe he was sorry. He had come here to talk to me, to apologize, to explain what- or how it had happened. Maybe-

I blinked, surprised how pathetic I sounded. I let out a tiny laugh disbelieving my own stupidity, and I lunged toward the exit, but before I could reach there, he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside of the Owlery again. As if his touch had made something awakened inside of me, I shoved him with all strength I had.

"You can't touch me without my permission." I growled, my voice was so icy that it had given even me goosebumps. He closed his eyes one second, only to open them again and lock them with mine again.

Just as he took another step, I whipped out my wand, pointed it at his chest. He sighed

"I won't draw my wand against you, Sar."

I smiled mockingly "What a gentleman." I said and tilted my head to the right "Oh ,but of course, I forgot, Weasley must be taking care of your- _wand_ work from now on, right?"

He was clever enough to get the double meaning –either that, or he had spent so much time with me- but he ignored my sarcasm.

"You're angry-"

"Oh no, the opposite actually. I'm having the time of my life."

His jaw hardened "You know what, you don't have any right to be angry-"

"Oh right, silly me. _You_ should be angry at me, I couldn't think that, sorry."

He let out an angry breath "Stop it."

I giggled fakely "Why, we're having so much fun right now!"

I could see he was trying to calm himself "Bloody hell, Sarah, I asked you! I asked you if you loved me and you-"

"Love you?" I gulped and the words flew from my mouth before I could stop them "I _trusted_ you!"

He gulped and for one second, I saw the pure, undeniable pain inside of his eyes.

He took another step, now the tip of my wand was touching his chest.

"Don't.." I whispered "You don't want to do this."

He slowly reached out to brush my hair from my eyes. His hand slipped down and drew aside my wand, his eyes never leaving mine. I could just die in that very moment and wouldn't have noticed it, the only important thing in the world, the _only_ thing in the world was him, looking at me like that, touching me like that. His breathing had gone faster and so had mine, my heart was beating so fast that for one moment I thought he could also hear the voice.

The memory of him, kissing me flashed before my eyes, his laugh in my ears, his touch on my neck…

He pulled me a little closer, I could almost breathe him, there were only inches left to taste his breath on my lips..

I closed my eyes and whispered "You just had to ruin it, didn't you?"

And before he could pull back and look at me, I whispered the spell

"Petrificus Totalus."

His body went rigid and fell to the ground. I sniffed and stopped the tears on their way, then, knowing he could still see and hear me, I knelt down.

"You should've known me better." I said quietly "If someone hurts me I hurt them more." I gulped

"Now, listen to me carefully, Harry Potter." I forced myself to speak, although my heart was burning with every word my mouth formed "From this moment, I don't care shucks about you. You wanted it yourself, the moment you kissed her, you were dead to me. And I was dead to you. You're-" I paused and managed to say a last sentence. "You're not even my _enemy_ anymore."

I stood up, and looked at him one last time.

"I will remove the spell when I get back to my Common Room." I said "I just don't want you following me." I took a shaking breath and whispered

"Goodbye."

I went out of the Owlery with fast steps and ran all way back to the castle. It was only after I reached to my common room and spent 5 minutes to calm myself down, did my hands' shaking stop and I could mutter the counter-curse. And after that, I muttered the same thing over and over again on my bed until hours later I fell asleep;

"It's for the best, it's for the best, it's for the best…"


	4. Temptation Of The Unattainable

**Author's Note: Wow, I feel weird. I'm both flattered and really angry. I just found out someone in this site completely took my 3rd chapter, changed a few lines and published it in their story without even telling me. Seriously just..wow. It's interesting.  
Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, and if you read my story, please tell me what you think, I need it.. And thanks to EllieLovesDogs for the review : )**

**I only own my original characters, everything else belongs to JKR. **

**SARAH'S POV**

"So, about 8 o'clock, my family will attend to that cocktail reception, and yours too, but then, you and I'll be free." Natalie said "Oh, and my mum will have this 'before the New Year' party, a lot of reporters and special guests will be there and-by the way she especially invited you. You won't leave me there alone, will you? Because it'll be a total disaster if you do."

"Come on, it won't be that bad." I said, turning a page

"Are you kidding me?" she asked and mimicked her mother's voice "'Natalie, honey, I think you shouldn't eat that, you don't want to gain weight, do you?'"

I giggled "She is not like that."

Natalie rolled her eyes and I frowned slightly

"Alright, maybe she is. It's not like my mum is better. And this Christmas will be really..tense."

"Why?"

I sighed "Beth has been sorted into Ravenclaw, you know? Even I don't know how they will react when they see her"

She pursed her lips but remained silent

"But.." I said "Tell Angela that I would be glad to attend her party."

She smiled "Good. Now she'll completely have her attention on you."

"No she'll not!" I said "Nat, she-"

"Would gladly take you as her daughter, instead of me."

An uncomfortable feeling appeared in my stomach

"It's not that, she just doesn't know how to.. communicate with you." I said "I have the same thing with mine, they're just.. like that."

She shook her head slightly "Whatever." She said "What are you planning for this Christmas- no wait, correction, what are _we_ planning?"

I smiled "Something involves really large amount of alcohol."

"Sounds good. What about really hot blokes?"

I paused, an image of _them_, kissing in front of fireplace flashing before my eyes.

"Look Sar, I know your _"no man in this world is enough for me"_ attitude but don't you think it's time for you to.. loosen up a bit?" she asked slowly "I mean, I'm not saying just hook up with a random guy, but mum will invite really nice foreign guys –well, she'll invite their parents, but they will come too- and considering you've never had a serious relationship-I thought-"

"Yeah, that sounds great." I cut her off "Alcohol and hot boys. And me." I catty smile appeared on my lips as I focused on my book again.

"Really?"

"Mm hm." I said "I was bored anyway. It should be fun."

She smiled too "Great."

Just as I turned another page, I heard her voice "And another things that's great…"

I raised my glances from the book and followed her gaze, which was focused on Draco Malfoy, walking and looking really..troubled?

"Natalie. Seriously."

"What, he's really…" she paused to find the right word "Hot and handsome and.. charming."

I rolled my eyes and snapped my fingers "Come back to world. We were talking about the party?"

"Oh, right." She said, turning her head "A lot of purebloods."

"Who are not really purebloods, actually half bloods acting like purebloods" I corrected and she shrugged

"Would you kill me if I said I didn't really care?"

"Not me, but your parents would."

She shrugged again "Sar?"

"Hm?"

"About our parents.. They suck."

"You're telling me.." I said as Beth came closer and sat next to us

"Do you think I can stay at Hogwarts for this Christmas?" she murmured and I tilted my head to the right

"Not bloody likely. I'd stupefy you and lock you in my trunk to take you home.."

She gave me a puzzled look and smiled

"Can't you at least try?"

"To stupefy you? Of course-"

"No-not that. To talk with mum and dad."

I sighed, closing my book. It felt like an iron fist was clutching my stomach.

"Calm down a little, alright? It'll be alright. They won't be mad at you-they won't!" I repeated when I saw her disbelieving smile

"I wish I could be more like you." She murmured and I felt like my blood froze inside of my veins.

"Don't…" I murmured hardly moving my lips, avoiding her gaze "Just don't."

* * *

**HARRY'S POV**

"Mate! It's your move." Ron said and I looked at him, then looked at the chess board. We were in the Great Hall, everyone was too busy with packing their things, so it was almost empty. Just me, Ron, Dean and Seamus were in the Gryffindor table, a few people were on their house table.

I moved my knight, only to watch it being dragged away by Ron's Castle.

"Are you alright, you look…distracted."

"Yeah, you first lost your bishop, now your knight" Seamus said

"I'm fine." I said, almost automatically and ran my hand through my hair

"You know what, I don't want to play anymore." I leaned my forehead to my hand

"Your scar?"

"No, not that." I said without looking at them "I'm just- it's just a headache."

"If you say so.." Ron murmured and I closed my eyes.

Of course only to see her face flashing before my eyes.

Seamus wolf-whistled and I opened my eyes

"What?"

He made a nod towards the hall and I turned my head.

"It should be illegal.." Seamus whispered and I clenched my teeth.

"She's just an arrogant Slytherin if you ask me." I forced myself to talk.

Seamus laughed, so did Dean

"I know you're going out with Ginny, Harry." He said "But just look at her and tell me you don't want her."

My gaze focused on her. Of course she was aware of that, she was aware of every glance on her. Her lips were curled upwards into a provocative smile as she walked her head held high. There were other girls around her –her minions- but only she had that delicious self-conscious way of walking. She was moving as if all man in the world watched her. She moved as if no one could say 'no' to her, as if she was the only thing that was important.

And as a result of this, as a result of her power of conviction, everyone watched her, everyone thought they could never say 'no' to her, and everyone thought she was the most important, brilliant thing in the school. Or in the world.

Maybe she was, for me.

_It's all about how I act like_. She had said once_ If I think I'm irresistable, they will think so too. It's not even about how one looks like, appearance has almost nothing to do with this. It's all about how much clever, and how much confident one is. Any girl with enough brains can do what I'm doing._

I gulped, remembering her voice. Not icy, that soft, almost quiet tone of hers.

_Love you? I trusted you!_ Her voice rang in my ears and I took a deep breath.

"She's just an ordinary girl, get over it." I murmured

Dean laughed "Really? Tell me you can't imagine her naked."

My hands balled up into fists. _Don't be ridiculous, calm down…_

"Ron?" Seamus turned to him, grinning and Ron stuttered something under his breath. I on the other hand kept looking at her as if I was hypnotized. Vaisey came closer to her and she turned her head with that enticing gesture like she always had. I could see that she had took his breath away just by shooting a flirtatious glare at him from under her lowered eyelashes, so fast that you couldn't even know whether you had actually seen it. I felt a fire, burning inside of me, as if something was spreading a venom through my body.

She let out a seductive giggle at something he had said, and it took my all willpower to sit where I was, and not to drag her out of the hall.

_It's your fault_ a voice in my head said

_She told me she didn't love me!_

_Technically, she didn't say anything. That made you so angry, remember?_

_It's the same thing!_

_Are you sure? _

"Just imagine her…" Seamus said "Sarah Beckingham, under you, moaning, begging your name.." He paused "Or mine!"

Dean let out a really loud laugh, Ron turned his glance to Sarah, and I probably did the most stupid thing.

I knocked the chair over behind me, and punched Seamus from the nose.


	5. Short Stories With Tragic Endings

**Author's Note: Hi people! It's me again : ) I hope you like this chapter! And if you read the story, please review and tell me what you think! I need it! Oh and btw, thanks to Princesscupcakes for the review;)  
I don't own anything but my original character. **

**SARAH'S POV**

Something soft was tickling my nose. I scratched it, still not opening my eyes and pushed it away.

_Wait a sec-_

I opened my eyes and looked at the view. Nate, my quill in his hand, looking back at me with a really big smile on his face.

_Hold on-_

_Nate?_

"Oh my God, Nate!" I flung myself out of the bed and hugged him.

"Heyy little sist.." he said and I giggled

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home!" I said, still holding him tightly. "I thought you would be at France for the Christmas!"

"Sar-can't-breathe-"

I giggled and pulled back to look at my 19 years old brother properly. His dark hair had grown long and his dark blue eyes were shining mischevously. His handsome face had lightened up with a smile, and I could see that he had missed me. Like I had missed him.

"I thought I could surprise you. Mum and dad had strict orders not to spoil it." He winked at me and we both sat on the bed.

"Does Beth know you're here?"

"Nope." He said and his smile faded a little

"I heard she has been sorted into Ravenclaw?"

I pulled my knees to my chest "Unfortunately…"

"How did mum and dad-?"

"I don't know, we came home last night, and we couldn't talk about it yet." I said and he sighed

"I tried to- convince them it's not that bad before you came in here, but I don't know if it worked.."

I nodded "Yeah, I'll-I'll talk to them also."

"Alright." He said "I'd better go and wake Beth up. And you had better get dressed."

"Okay, okay.." I said and we both stood up. He walked towards the door

"Nate?"

He turned his head "Yeap?"

"I really missed you." I said, smiling

"Missed you too." He said, grinning and closed the door. I listened the footsteps, walking away, and a door opened.

Then I heard Beth's scream "Nate!"

I smiled to myself and opened my wardrobe.

* * *

When I went downstairs, my mum and dad were already eating their breakfast. A house elf poured tea to my cup and I sat down.

"Good morning."

"Good morning." Mum said without smiling at all. Well, it wasn't a new thing anyway. She and dad would hardly smile naturally.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes mother." I said, taking some fruits and pancake to my plate. She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Where is your brother?"

"He was talking with Beth, they should come soon." I said and she returned her gaze to her newspaper.

"Annd here we are!" I heard Nate's voice from behind and I laughed. Beth looked really happy as she took her seat beside me.

"Well well...Beckingham Manor…" Nate said in a funny tone as he sat down also "I've missed this place."

I gave him a weird look

"What?" he mouthed and I shook my head slightly

"Sarah, tomorrow there will be a party at Wilsons at 8-"

"I know, I'll attend it." I said "I already talked to Natalie."

"Nate, I think you should be there too, there will be a lot of important company heirs in there." My dad said and Nate nodded

"Can I come too?" Beth said

"Of course you-"

"No." My mum cut me off. "You can't Elizabeth."

My puzzled eyes met Nate's and we both turned to look at mum.

"Why not?"

"I think she should stay at home for a while, that's why." She said, still not looking at her.

"But-"

"Your mother said no, Elizabeth." My dad said, taking a sip from his cup.

It took my five seconds to get why she wasn't going to come with us.

"Beth.." I said, turning to look at her "Can you please go upstairs for five seconds?"

"Why?" Beth asked

"Just go to your room, please." Nate said, glaring at dad. Beth hesitated for one second, but stood up and ran to upstairs.

"What do you think you're doing?" my mum asked calmly, but I could feel the anger, boiling inside of me

"I'm not going to let you do this." I said through my teeth

"Know your place, Sarah." My mum warned and I let out a laugh

"I'm not Beth, mother, you can't scare me off. I'm not going to let you turn her into an outsider."

"This party is not a suitable place for a child."

"Why, you've been dragging me to parties since I was 12?" I said "I thought it was how the things worked at the pureblood society? Besides, Natalie's brother will be there also."

She glared at me and looked at father as Nate cast a spell on the room, making it sound proof.

"She has been sorted into Ravenclaw!" my dad said loudly "It'll be better if she isn't seen around for a while."

"For how long?" Nate asked "She's not a leper, father, she is a child! She can't choose which house she'll be placed!"

"Ravenclaw is filled with mudbloods and scumsuckers!" my dad roared with anger and for a second, a dark shadow appeared in Nate's eyes, so..wild, but it was gone as fast as it came.

"So what, you'll exclude her from the crowd?" I asked, disbelievingly "Just because she couldn't get into Slytherin?"

"Nate was in Slytherin, you are in the Slytherin!" my mum said "Our family has been in Slytherin for ages."

"Not the whole family." I said "You just ignore people who mussed their blood in this family!"

"They are blood traitors!"

"Well, Beth isn't!" I said "For God's sake, she's your child! You can't just ignore her!"

"Don't dramatize it, Sarah."

"I am dramatizing it? You are the one who acts like she has a disease!"

"This family is prominent in this society, do you know what people will whisper behind her back? Behind our back?"

I clenched my teeth

"If we don't back her up, no one will." Nate said, trying to sound reasonable "She will hold a place in this society as you implied, like we do. She needs her family."

The look in my mother's eyes was.. blank, as if it meant nothing to her. For the first time, it scared me. It scared me how far they would go to protect their reputation. She looked at us as if she could easily forget her other daughter. We were walking on a thin ice, being in the Beckingham family meant having no flaws at all. You had to be perfect in every way.

I had always known it, somehow. Nate was the Golden Boy in the Slytherin, and before he graduated, he had helped me to gain power in the school, he had arranged everything that would turn me into Queen in the school. My mum and dad had always known the right people or the right people had always known them.. We were one of the most elite family in the wizarding world.

And we had to keep it that way. Be powerful. Always onward and upward.

"She is coming to the party, with me." I said, trying to sound calm "Angela specially invited me. If she doesn't come with us, I will not go. Nor will Nate. Your choice."

I could nearly see the wheels turning behind her eyes. What would people think if we didn't show up? It was an important party, and if we wouldn't attend-

"Fine." She said "Just this once. She will come back to here when it's over."

I looked at Nate but he just made a swift nod.

"Fine." I said through my teeth "I'll go and get her then."

* * *

I had pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. My back was leaned against a tree in our garden and my eyes were fixed on the fountain the dark.

"Do you remember the games we were playing in here when you were 5 or so?"

I smiled when I heard Nate's voice

"Me being the princess and you, being the brave knight? Of course."

He sat beside me

"You would always hide behind that cherry tree. Or that gargoyle over there." He pointed at the gargoyle and I giggled

"And you would save me from our imaginary dragon."

He laughed "It wasn't so hard to defeat."

"Oh no it was! You had to keep fighting until I yelled 'He is dead!' remember?" I looked at him

"Are they asleep?" I asked, listening the crickets

"Dad had something to do in the company, so he's outside, but mum and Beth are."

I nodded slowly

"So.." he said "How are the things going at Hogwarts?"

I tried to ignore that burning feeling inside of me

"The same." I said "I'm trying to look after Beth. How about France?"

He shrugged "Same."

"How is- what was her name… Marie?"

"She's history now." He said and I hmmed.

We both fell silent.

"What will they do, you think?" he said after minutes "About Beth?"

I shrugged "They'll get used to it. They have to."

"I can't help to think…" he said slowly "If we're like them."

"Like mum and dad? Of course not!" I said quickly "We're not trying to ignore our sister just because she's in an another house."

He smiled in pain "What about the others?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we keep treating Muggle borns and half-bloods like crap. Just because of their bloods? Well, mum and dad judge Beth because she's in the Ravenclaw. She can't even help it, nor can the others."

"That's different- we're not like them, Nate." I said and paused "Wait a second, 'Muggle-borns' ? What happened to Mudblood?"

He looked uncomfortable and I sat up straight.

"I'm just trying to look from a different point of view." He said "For Beth's case."

"Beth is a pureblood."

"Does it even matter, Sarah?" he asked, looking into my eyes and I felt like I was looking at my own reflection. The same daring, hungry glares with fire in them, same straight noses and same arrogant, quirky mouth.

"Let's say Beth went and married to a half blood or someone like that. Will you love her less for that?"

"Mum and dad would disown her, they would even forget that they had an another daughter-"

"I didn't ask that, how would _you_ feel?"

I frowned. Really, how would I have felt?

"It wouldn't change the fact that she's my sister." I said after one minute "Whatever she does, she'll always be."

He just looked at me for a while

"What?" I asked but he shook his head

"Nate! What happened?"

He gulped

"I feel like my brain will explode.." his voice cracked "If I don't tell someone-"

"Tell what?"

He licked his lips and bit his cheek from inside- just like he used to when he was 8.

"You can't tell anyone." He said "I'm serious, Sarah- this is-you can never tell anyone. You can't even think about it while I'm gone."

"Sure." I said "What happened?"

He took a deep breath "I think I fell in love with a man."

My eyes widened in shock

"He's so… clever and really funny-"

"But-but I thought you liked women?" I stuttered

"Yeah. I thought the same." He said

"Oh.." I said "You're-you're sure about this?"

He nodded and I brushed my hair off my face

"Alright then." I said, now calmer "It's your choice. Is he a pureblood?"

He avoided my gaze

"Don't tell me he is a mudblood."

"He's a Muggle."

I let out a breath "Nate.."

"I know…" he said "I know. But Francis is so…You've got to see him, Sarah-"

"Nate we're talking about a Muggle in here! Do you know what will happen if anyone finds out-"

"If anyone finds out I will have nothing to fear. Nothing to fear, no one to love, nowhere to go…"

I closed my eyes for a second

"Nate, we're not ordinary people.." I said slowly "Mum and Dad would kill you theirselves. If by any chance, someone learns about this-"

"It'll pass. This feeling-what ever this is. It'll pass."

I looked up at him "Are you sure?"

"Of course." That painful smile appeared on his lips again "Every flower I reached out turned into ashes just when I touched it. Why would this be any different?"

I sighed and leaned against the tree again

"What about him?" I asked slowly "What does he feel?"

His eyes clouded, as if he could no longer see me.

"He's a little shy.." he said "But I can tell that he loves me as well. Sometimes, he looks at me like- like I could do anything in this world, like I'm living in a dream."

For a stupid reason, my eyes were full with tears now

"You should be happy then.." I whispered "For now."

His eyes turned to me "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Sarah.."

I sniffed, shrugging.

"Oh Lord…" he said slowly "Sar? Did you- do you like someone?"

I let out a nervous laugh "I thought so."

"You thought so?" he repeated

"I-I thought he liked me too." I said "Me, not that stupid 'Ice Queen' title or 'the pureblood' Sarah Beckingham. Just me. And it felt…real." My voice was so small

"But?"

"But.." I said "Turned out it wasn't."

"Who is this bloke?"

I bit my lips, afraid of my own sound, afraid of the name my lips might form.

"Don't tell anyone."

"Okay."

"You will not tell anyone Nate." I repeated "Not even Francis. No one. You'll forget it after we talk about this."

"Tell me."

I took a deep breath "Would you laugh at me if I said Harry Potter?"

He was frozen for a while, completely in shock

"The boy who lived?"

I nodded slowly

"What-how-did-you-"

"I had a detention from Mcgonagall, cleaning the cups at the Hall. Turned out he had one from Snape too. And I didn't talk to him in our first detention –he wasn't worth it- despite all his efforts to make me talk- rude comments about me, you know, 'How did the Slytherin's perfect Ice Queen had a detention?' and things like that- but then, I talked. My first mistake. Before I could know what I was getting myself into, I found myself in it."

"And then?"

I laughed "Then.. one thing lead to another. We weren't in a relationship but.. It was something more. Two weeks later he asked me if I loved him."

"And you?"

"I…" tears started to burn my eyes "I couldn't say anthing Nate.. I couldn't say 'No', but saying 'Yes' was also… If you tell someone you love them, you're supposed to give yourself completely to them, with all your flaws, all your mistakes. You open yourself to them. It's like a unwritten agreement, after saying that, a bound appears between you even if you can't see it yourself, you always know it's there... And I was scared, Nate. Because after that, there would be no turning back, if I had said it, I would've agreed it myself, burning all the bridges. So… I couldn't say anything. Then.." I let out a shaky breath "He got mad and walked away. One hour later, everyone in the Hogwarts was talking about how Harry Potter kissed Ginny Weasley."

I could see his hands balled up into fists

"That was when my hell on the earth began. I couldn't even-" I stopped myself before I could say anything else "Have you ever tried to forget someone, Nate? It's like a broken leg. You're hurting, you're dying from pain, but your every move reminds you what you can't do. You're trying to run away, but you nope, can't. It's like being a captive inside of your own body…"

He cursed under his breath "Well-What will be your move now?"

I shrugged again

"Sarah, you're the most competitive person ever stepped into the Slytherin!" he reminded "There's nothing you wanted but couldn't have, now you're giving up?"

"It's for the best." I said "I'm not giving up, I never give up. I'm doing this because I'm not giving up on my life. It's better for me. For everyone."

He didn't say anything at first, but then he talked

"What a family huh?" he said, slowly "I fell in love with a Muggle man, you had a secret affair with the Chosen One, and our little sister broke the family tradition by being sorted into the Ravenclaw."

I forced myself to smile

"We'll be fine." I said "All of these.. They'll pass. Months later, maybe years. But they'll pass away. And I'll be reasonable when I get better. We all will." I sniffed "About ten years later, I'll be married to a rich and pureblood man, and you'll be married to a noble, pureblood woman. We'll have little pureblood brats. We'll take over the company. We'll live the life that we should, and mum and dad will be happy."

His piercing eyes met mine "What about us?" he whispered

A tear managed to escape from my eyes

"Us?" I said "Everytime we breathe, in every step we take, and the worse, everytime we're about to sleep with strangers on the other side of the bed, a little voice in our heads will whisper to us "What if?" We will smile, and no one will know what we're being through."

Then, neither of us talked for the rest of the night. He hugged me and I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. Pretending he had just saved me from our imaginary dragon. Pretending we were safe and happy.

Pretending everything would be okay.

Pretending we weren't grown ups.

Pretending we weren't hurting.


	6. For You To Be Mine

**Author's Note: Annd here I am again! : ) I hope you all like this chapter, and please please review if you read the story! I need to hear your opinions!  
ps1: I don't own anything but my original characters  
ps2: thanks so much to princesaangelbebe for the review;) **

**HARRY'S POV**

"Come on, eat up and get ready." Said Mrs Weasley "I don't want you missing the Hogwarts Express!"

"Mum, calm down.." Ginny said "When did we ever miss it?"

Mrs Weasley looked at her but didn't say anything

"Is there a problem?" Ginny asked, leaning her head to my arm

"No." I answered "I just-need to get some sleep."

Just as I was chewing my bite, something on the newspaper caught my eye and I started coughing. Ron hit to my back

"Mrs Weasley?" I said when I could swallow my bite. "Can I take it for one minute?"

"Harry, that's a gossip newspaper. Like witch weekly." Ginny said but when Fred called her, she turned to him, and I focused on the newspaper.

_Sarah Beckingham with the heir of Tansy's, Richard Tansy._

I looked at the moving picture, the guy whispered something to her ear, and she threw her head back, laughing.

Deep breaths.

Where had the bloody air gone in here?

"Sorry, I need some air." I stood up quickly and went out of the home, to the back yard.

What was she trying to do?

I started pacing in the garden, I had this urge to punch something, to hurt, to-

"Harry?"

I sighed "Hm?"

She frowned slightly and came next to me "Something's wrong."

"For the last time, Ginny, nothing's wrong."

"You're lying!" she said "You're so..tense, what's the problem?"

I didn't say anything

"Please talk to me?"

I wanted to laugh for one minute, if it were Sarah, we would've already-

"You punched Seamus before the Christmas!" she said "You're angry at something, why are you pushing me away?"

"I'm not pushing you away.." I said "Look, Ginny, there are things that you can't help me."

"Is this about Voldemort?"

"Yeah." I said a little too quickly "Yeah. I'm- I have some things to think, that's all."

She sighed and I sat down. She sat next to me.

"I wish I could help you, you know?"

I smiled in pain "Even I can't help myself, Gin."

**SARAH'S POV**

I leaned my head to the window as the train started moving

"Good Christmas, huh?" Natalie asked and I smiled

"Yeah. Well, my head is still throbbing and I have this massive..hangover."

"Same here."

"I didn't like that Richard." Beth said beside me and I looked at him

"Aw, why?"

She shrugged "He was a bit boring, all he talked about was you. How good you looked, how smart you were, bla bla…"

"In the other words, best guy for your sister." Natalie said and I laughed. It wasn't true at all, he had seemed a little boring to me too.

"Well, he's rich, pureblood and looks good." I shrugged "He liked me too. Everyone would want him."

"You're in love with him?" Beth aked with wide eyes

"What, of course not!" I said quickly "Don't be ridiculous! I have years beyond me, I'm just saying, it wouldn't hurt to have him around me."

"But-" Natalie was cut off as someone opened our compartment's door.

"Oh, I thought it was empty." Draco said, smiling at me and I smiled too

"You can sit here if you want." I said, quickly winking at Natalie "We have empty seats as you can see."

He nodded at two gorillas beside him and they sat down

"So.. you were at the party last night, I think?" I asked, trying to make a conversation

"Yeah." He said "I saw Natalie but you seemed a little…busy."

"Oh, I was busy." I looked at him innocently "And if I remember correct, Natalie was too, right Nat? With someone named Chris?"

She smiled. She had understood my plan finally. If she wanted him, so be it. I was going to help her.

"Yeah." She said "Poor thing. His cousin got married with a half-blood."

Draco snorted

"And his family disowned him immediately. But if you ask me-"

"They're totally right." I flashed a glance at her "I mean, seriously, half bloods? What a shame. I think it's a great crime to spoil the blood of the family."

Draco looked at me "I think so too. They might as well be mudbloods."

"They're-" someone opened our compartment's door again and just when I turned my head, I held my breath.

"This compartment is full, Potter." Draco snickered as his eyes focused on me. I on the other hand started inspecting my fingernails, without giving him a glance. But I could see that he was clenching his fist, and Ginny gasped. Of course. He was holding her hand

_I hope it'll break, you little-_

"Well well…" I purred, standing up slowly "If it isn't our golden couple…"

Draco leered at me

"God, I'll have to change my compartment now.." I pouted "It'll smell horrible."

She gritted her teeth and put her hand on her robe's pocket, where her wand would be. I smiled sweetly

"Come on.." I said slowly "Why don't you try it?"

Harry squeezed her hand and I gulped "Don't. She isn't worth it."

I laughed "Right. I'm not worth it. Seriously, I insist, try it Weasel."

"Why don't you just go, Potter?" Draco asked "Liked the view much?"

"Very much." He said "Slytherin snob and a coward, hiding behind a girl. Loved it, actually."

Draco's expression changed and he whipped out his wand, so did Harry.

"Potter, control your charity work." I said smugly, looking at Ginny who had just pointed her wand to my chest "I don't deal with blood traitors_, they_ are not worth it. But if you insist too much-" I whipped out my wand also

"Come on people, stop it." Natalie said but we just looked at each other

"Sarah, Beth is here." Natalie hissed under her breath.

Right.

My little sister.

"Get lost." I said, lowering my wand "Come on, Draco. I'm bored."

He slowly lowered his wand "Thank Sarah, Potter."

"Why because she pulled her puppy back? Yeah, thanks Sarah." He said mockingly "Come on Gin, let's go."

I gritted my teeth as they turned back

"Oh, Ginny?" I said and she turned to me. I smiled and threw a galleon to the floor.

"Here you are. You can put it in your piggy bank."

Draco slammed the door and we sat down

"Idiot." He said "The chosen one, yeah right!"

I didn't say anything

"Anyway, he won't be in this world too much after all."

My head shot up "I beg your pardon?"

"Well, the Dark Lord has returned, hasn't he?" he grinned "Sooner or later, he'll be dead…"

Why did it feel like he had just punched me in the stomach?

* * *

"Don't you think he's awesome?" Natalie asked as we went into the dormitory

"Who?"

"Who can it be? Draco Malfoy of course!"

I rolled my eyes "If you say so.." I flung myself onto bed

"Oh, and thanks for your help by the way." she whispered "At the compartment.."

"Yeah, sure."

We didn't talk for a while, and just when I was about to sleep, she talked

"Sarah?"

"Hm?"

"About this Richard thing…" she said "What's going on?"

"Nothing." I said "Just like I said. He can be around me."

"But why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"I mean.. it's clear that he liked you, and.. you don't see him like that, why would you want to keep him around you?"

I sighed "Natalie…" I said "Because it's all about the competition. The more guys around me, the more others'll want me. It's about their..instincts. They want to have what others can't have."

She looked at me in naivety and I smiled "Good night."

"Good night."

I woke up when my alarm went off. I yawned and got up from the bed, checking my watch. I got dressed, went downstairs, then went out of the castle and started running.

I'd always liked running. It felt like I could run away from anything as long as my legs carried me. I had been doing it since I was a child.

Well, Nate and I had been doing it actually, but…

I sighed and kept one hour later, I got tired and sat to the pier which was almost in the lake.

It was completely silent, probably that was why I had been coming there, it felt like… away from everything. No pressures, no expectations, no burdens… Just me. And the lake.

_I leaned to see my reflection curiously and heard a voice behind me_

"_I guess you know what happened to Narcissus?"_

_I turned my head to look at him "I'm not in love with my reflection, Potter."_

"_True, there's enough people doing that already." He sat beside me_

"_What are you doing up at this unearthly hour?"_

"_Same thing with you."_

"_Running?"_

"_Watching you." He said, looking into my eyes_

_I sighed "Potter-"_

"_Harry." He corrected_

"_Fine, Harry, it's a mistake that you're here, and don't make me regret I told you that I run in the mornings."_

"_Yeah, about that, why do you do that?"_

"_It helps burning the calories."_

_He gave me a disbelieving look_

"_What?" I said "It's true! And I like running, it makes me feel…free."_

"_You are already free."_

_I smiled "If you really believe this, you must be more stupid than I thought." _

I shook my head slightly and felt a tear running down to my cheek. I gritted my teeth, wiped it furiously and stood up.

That was when I saw a figure behind me. I screamed and tripped, then fell into the lake.

The water was so freezing that for one moment, I thought my brain froze, all my muscles were nearly screaming in pain and someone pushed me to the surface of the lake. I coughed and took deep breaths,then turned my head to look at my saviour.

And immediately putshed him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Rescuing you, what, I can't do it without your permission anymore either?"

"If you didn't sneak up on me in the first place, I wouldn't need to be rescued Potter!" I tried to sound threatening but my teeth chattering gave me away.

I held on to the pier and pulled myself up. I rubbed my arms and started walking, and from the sound that came behind me, I could tell that he was behind me already. He grabbed my arm but I yanked it back

"Go be a bait to the giant squid!" I said furiously, bloody hell, why did the air have to be this cold! Why?

"God, I'll get pneumonia!" I murmured to myself and I saw that he rolled his eyes

"Don't worry princess, you'll be fine."

I squeezed my hair to get rid of the water "And what are you doing here!"

"Walking around."

"At 6.45?"

"Yeah,so?"

I sniffled and sneezed

"Oh you've got to be kidding me, your body isn't that weak, is it?" he said, looking at me

"We're in the January you one brain celled troll!" I exclaimed as we went into the castle"And besides, one, stay away from me. Two, I hate you. Tree, if you don't go away in five seconds, I'll curse you-"

"Who is that Richard bloke?"

I gawked at him for one second and my lips curled

"None of your business."

"Who is he?" he insisted, now sounding angry

"Which part of 'none of your business' you didn't understand?" Thank God no one was up at the castle yet "Besides, how do you know him?"

"I read the newspaper at the Burrow."

The Burrow. Right

I tried to ignore that burning in my heart "Good." I said in a small voice

"Look, if you think this you're taking revenge-"

"Revenge?" I chuckled "Believe me, Harry, you would know it if I was taking a revenge. I'm moving on. What, you thought I'd always look at you and Weasley with tears in my eyes?"

He paused, and took a deep breath "Really? Hanging out with Malfoy-"

"I'm a Slytherin, so is he. Bad girls should be with bad boys."

His jaw hardened "You'll stay away from him."

I smiled sweetly "You just gave me a reason to hang out with him." I said "Don't you get it? You can't make me do anything."

We turned a corner but I stopped

"And please tell your girlfriend to get some fashion magazines. I had a nanny when I was seven years old, and even she dressed better than her. Considering she was 60 years old, it means a lot.."

I turned and walked away

* * *

"Anyway, I was saying, if your sister wants to join, she needs to wait Mary, I have so many girls waiting to get into the group already. But someone can talk with her and we'll see what happens, Lisa, you talk to her."

She nodded

"Sarah!" Natalie ran next to me "We're having Apparition Lessons!"

"What?" I said "Really?"

"Come with me!" she said and I followed her, then we stopped in front of the notice board.

_**APPARITION LESSONS **_

_**If you are seventeen years of age, or will turn seventeen on or before the 31st August next, you are eligible for a twelve-week course of Apparition Lessons from a Ministry of Magic Apparition instructor. Please sign below if you would like to participate. Cost: 12 Galleons.**_

"Huh.." I said "But my birthday's in 27 October."

"Then you, my friend, will have to wait." She smiled "It should be fun, Sar!"

"What, waiting?"

"No, appareting!" she said, excited and I nodded

"Yeah."

"Come on, let's go to the dinner." She said and we went out of the common room.

"So.." she said "Have you talked to Beth today?"

"No." I said

"Why not?"

I just shrugged and we stopped at the entrance of the Great Hall, almost instinctively, my eyes found him. He was holding her in his arms of course.

Not me. _Her_.

"Sar? You're alright, right?"

"What do you mean?" I said, trying to sound normal.

"You look…different. If I didn't know you better I'd say you were sad"

I raised an eyebrow, then ,clenching my teeth, I transformed myself. My head went back, my lips curved up into a seductive smile and I stood up straight

I had to look happy. I was happy. Of course I was, why wouldn't I be? I had every reason to be..

I took a slow step, and I turned my head to look at her, giving her that little smug smile

"Say that again?"


	7. Behind the Mask

**Author's Note: I didn't get any reviews : ( Seriously people, I need to know what I'm doing wrong, and your opinions, constructive criticism, comments etc are really valuable to me. So, please review and tell me what you think?**

**SARAH'S POV**

"_Sarah…" he said, looking into my eyes "I just want to… lose the control. Just for one time. To feel like an ordinary person, without thinking.. Just once."_

_I looked at him "You've already lost your control. Gryffindor's Golden Boy, hanging out with Slyherin Ice Queen. Do you see any control in here?"_

_He chuckled_

"_And about being an ordinary person.." I said "Ordinary people can't talk with me, so you might want to scratch that option."_

_He raised his eyebrows "Anyone told you there's something really wrong with your personality?"_

"_A lot of people.." I said "But that might be because I threatened them, so…"_

"Sar?" someone said, her voice was faint "Sweety, can you hear me?"

"_Why are you so angry?" he asked me. I was resting my head in his lap and he was playing with my hair "At the life, at yourself, at others…"_

_I shrugged "If you have no anger, it means you're weak."_

"_No it doesn't."_

_I sighed "Really? Think about it. Anger leads into ambition, ambition leads into success. And don't look at me like that, I'm sure you have anger inside of you as well, towards some people."_

"_My anger has a reason."_

"_So does mine." I said "Just because it's a different reason from yours, it doesn't mean that it's less important."_

"Oh Merlin, she is burning up…" someone whispered and leaned something ice cold to my forehead.

"_I really wonder which personality of yours is your real one…" he said "You're always pretending, I can't tell which one is real."_

"_I pretend no less or no more than you do." I said calmly and he looked at me sceptically. I rolled my eyes_

"_Of course you do have something that you don't tell to your friends, don't you?"_

"_Like what actually is happening between us?"_

_I laughed "Yeah. I forgot about that for one minute. But by the way, there's nothing going on between us."_

_He seemed like he was going to tell something, but he gave up_

"_And…as long as we play really, really quiet…" I whispered "No one will know.."_

_His expression was unreadable "So it's just a game for you?_

"I think we should take her to the Hospital Wing." I heard another voice "Or call Madam Pomfrey to here."

Merlin, even my bones were hurting

"No…" I said slowly "No. Don't call anyone to anywhere."

Fort he first time, remembering those memories wasn't hurting me. It felt real, as if I was still with him..

"Sarah, don't be ridiculous…" I heard someone say, it must have been Natalie "Besides, how could you catch cold like this?"

"In the lake…" I heard my response. _Bloody hell. Bloody fucking hell…_

_Shut up. Right now._

"In the lake?" she repeated

"Yes..With-him…"

Why couldn't I stop myself? Had I drunk Veritaserum or something like that?

I heard Natalie's shifting her weight "Leave the room. Everyone. She doesn't know what she's saying.."

Thank Merlin that she was here. My best friend, always helping me…

"And someone call Madam Pomfrey." She said in a firm voice and I hear others' hesitate

"What?"

"What if she gets mad at us for this once she gets better?"

I heard a chuckle escaping my lips. So, they would lead my orders even when I was sick, huh?

"She is not herself right know, she's delusioning!" I heard Natalie's yell "Go get Madam Pomfrey, Mary, or I'll kill you myself! Now!"

* * *

And then.. Peace.

Emptiness.

And darkness.

My body was still hurting, I could still feel it. Just like I could feel someone's stroking my hair.

"Sar?" someone whispered "Are you sleeping?"

I half opened my eyes and looked at the voice's owner. His emerald green eyes were looking at me, worried

"Not if you're a dream." I said faintly, my throat was hurting "But you are a dream, so.. yes."

He chuckled "I'm not a dream."

"Well, being a figment of my imagination, you're kind of supposed to say that." I whispered, feeling like drunk "But you know what? I wish you were here Harry. Wherever this place is.."

"Hospital Wing." He whispered "Your body temperature was really high, so they took you here."

"Hmm.." I murmured, his voice was coming from far away. "Where is Madam Pomfrey then?"

"In her room. It's 2 a.m." he said "Sar-"

"My eyes hurt…" even to me, my voice sounded so childish "My everywhere hurts.."

"Shhh…" he whispered "I know baby. God, your temperature is still high..."

I focused my eyes on 'Dream' Harry

"It wasn't a game to me." my voice came out as a whisper

"What?"

"You- you asked me if it was a game to me, remember? It wasn't. I- I thought it was at the beginning, but it wasn't…"

He looked at me as if he couldn't believe me "Are you aware of what you're saying?"

"Probably not.." I murmured "But you're not real, you're not here anyway… Does it matter?"

He chuckled "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Nuh uh."

"Good." He murmured as if he was talking to himself more than me and his hand caressed my cheekbone

"God, it felt like years since I last touched you."

"It might be because you were too busy with touching Weasley." I paused "But- you're not with her right now, in my dream, right? Because it's my own mind."

He shook his head

"Good." I said "Well… why do you think the real life Harry did such a thing?"

He pursed his lips "Because the real life Harry is an idiot."

I let out a giggle "But I want to think of you as him right now. It's easier. And it feels wonderful."

He held my hand "Works for me."

I smiled, watching him

"You should do this more."

"What, dreaming?"

"No, smiling." He said and I raised my eyebrows

"I'm always smiling."

"Yeah, but not like that…" he said "Not naturally."

I shrugged

"Do I want too much, you think?" I asked "I just want us to have one simple day- together. Just one day for us. Is it too much?"

He gulped

"No.." he said "It's not."

"But now we can't." I was rambling, and aware of it, but who cared? "We can't. Because you're with her. In the reality I mean."

"I'm with you now."

"But you're with her, every day." I said "And it really hurts. It feels like my heart is.. bleeding whenever I see you with her. And it hurt too much, when I heard that-" I didn't say the rest of the sentence

"You couldn't even tell me you loved me, Sarah."

"Because I was afraid…" I whispered "And- it- it'd mean that we- we belonged together. But it's not like that. I'm not yours, you're not mine."

"Because that time, your rules were valid." He said "But in the next time.. If there can be a next time, if you forgive me…I don't know if you can, but in the next time, we will play it by my rules."

"Okay." I said in a little voice and his expression changed into a shocked one

"What?"

"It feels weird to hear an acception word from you."

I giggled again, I felt really light-headed right then.

"It's cold." I said, grabbing my blanket

"It feels cold to you love, it's actually warm in here."

"No it's not." I said stubbornly pulling my knees to my chest. He wiped the sweat off my forehead and I sneezed

"See? I told you it was cold." I said and he laughed, it was like a really good music.

"Nate used to sing to me whenever I was sick." I murmured more to myself

"Who is Nate?"

"My brother."

"I didn't know you had a brother."

"I do…" I said "He is 3 years older than me. I get sick so often, ever since I was a child. I guess you didn't know it either."

He shook his head

"Nate used to mock me about it…" I giggled "Idiot. What else you don't know about me?"

He just chuckled but didn't say anything

"Let's see…" I murmured, raving "I'm afraid of bees.. My period is really painful, it sometimes even wakes me up. When I was ten, my mum told me to control my weight, and I didn't eat anything for days.. And Merlin, I'm freezing right now!" I hugged myself

"Would you hold me?" I asked and a light appeared in his eyes

"Do you want me to?"

I nodded and he climbed to the bed, then wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, so my back was against his chest now.

"You're comfortable?"

"Very." I answered and his fingers slide through my hair, stroking it gently

"You know what, I shouldn't say that but I kind of liked this."

"Cuddling?"

"No you're.. less poisinous right now." He murmured "Is this who you really are, Sar? Behind that Ice Queen mask…The girl you're so afraid to show to the world, is this her?"

I didn't say anything, I just turned my head to look at him. He lifted my chin gently and his lips touched mine. At first, he was careful, but then the kiss turned into something else. I felt like my whole body was on fire, all I could think about was more. More of him. More of this.

One second later, he was on top of me. His fingertips grazed the small of my stomach, burning there. I bit his lip playfuly and he ran his hand on my leg, higher and higher until…

I let out a moan and he pulled back immediately

"Okay..that's-that's it…" he said, panting "I won't be able to stop myself if you make that noise again.."

"Then don't…" I said, panting as well "Why would you want to stop yourself, it's my dream anyway.."

He shook his head "Not now. Not when you're like this."

I raised an eyebrow "Your body says different."

"My body is a hormonal, 16 years old teenager's body, what did you expect?"

I giggled and leaned my head to his chest."Fine. Just hold me then." His heart was drumming, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sound.

Just as I was about to doze off, I heard his murmur "Sar?"

"Hm?"

"I want you to look under your pillow when you wake up. Can you remember it, love?"

"Yeah…" I murmured and one moment later, I fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up with the most terrible headache in the world. Slowly opened my eyes and looked around-Hospital Wing?

I yawned and stretched my body, trying to remember how I did got there. Everything was blurry, no matter how hard I tried, all I remembered was-

The dream.

_Brilliant._

I sighed furiously, how could I still dream about him!

_Just go back to sleep, Sarah.._

I put my hand under my pillow and leaned my head to it, and then…

Suddenly I jolted up in the bed, sitting up straight. All I could think was _Please no… Please, just, it can't be…_

I gulped and pulled the parchement under the pillow with shaking hands, my eyes were full with tears of fear and I focused on the lines

_**If you let me, all days can be ours, not just one**_


	8. On Thin Ice

**Author's -really happy- Note: Yayy, I'm soo excited! I thought everyone had stopped reading it, but, guess not! Thanks sooooo much to AutumnMania, ramenlover1050, DayDreamBabyBee for the awesome reviews! I hope everyone likes this chapter, and please review and tell me what you think about the story, send your constructive criticism, opinions, ideas, anything!  
Ps: I don't own Harry Potter as you probably know :P  
**

**SARAH'S POV**

"Natalie, would you stop staring at Malfoy please?" I said in a matter-of-fact tone without lifting my gaze off my book and she startled

"What-I- I wasn't!"

I cocked my one eyebrow "Really?"

She avoided my gaze and shrugged "He just- caught my eye. Whatever."

I let out a laugh as she cleared her throat. We were sitting under a tree, my crew was too busy with giggling and looking at the boys sitting and talking by the lake's edge.

"By the way, Sarah…" she cleared her throat "We need to talk."

I tried to hide my nervousness

"About what?"

"Do you remember what you said when you were sick?"

_Uh oh…._

I looked at her innocently "No? What did I say?"

"You talked about being with someone. In a lake."

I raised my eyebrows "In a lake?" I asked, sounding confused "What lake?"

"That's what I'm asking." She said "What are you up to, Sarah?"

"Nothing!" I said "I don't even-" I gasped as if I had remembered something.

_Best lies make you seem guilty._

"Well…" I paused for the effect "Nat-Don't tell anyone."

"Since when I do?"

I cleared my throat and focused my eyes on the ground

"You remember the party before Christmas? The one that your mother arranged?"

"Mm hm."

"Richard and I… left the party after a while, but I made sure that no one noticed it. You know what they would be talking about… And umm… I was a bit drunk, and he kept teasing me, and somehow we both ended up in the lake. But nothing happened, I swear." I added when I saw her face "He cast a drying spell on me and we both returned to the party."

She looked at me in shock and whispered

"But- you're always distant to everyone Sarah-"

"I know but like I said, I was a bit drunk.." I murmured "That's why I didn't want anyone to know, it would ruin my all reputation. And I can't even think how my parents would react."

She nodded "Yeah. Got it."

_Huh. My ability of lying is brilliant._

_Sarah: 1 Universe: 0_

"Well, that's weird." Natalie murmured slowly and I turned my head

"What is it?"

"Harry Potter just looked at here."

_Correction;_

_Sarah: 1 Universe: 1_

I thought my heart fell next to my stomach

"He did?"

"Yeah."

I knew he had been trying to catch me alone for days, and I had surrounded myself with people. Wherever I went, there was always some people with me, my crew, Natalie, Beth, even Malfoy..

Someone let out a flirty laugh, looking at some guy and I rolled my eyes

"Liza?"

She turned her head immediately

"Yeah, Sarah?"

"If you want to go to the lake, you can." I said and looked at the other girls "You too, people. Go and for heaven's sake, find someone to snog."

They giggled and walked away. I looked at Natalie

"Wouldn't you want to hang out with Malfoy?" I winked at her

"He's not in here." She shrugged again "And no thanks, I'm not going to just throw myself at him. Being your best friend taught me one thing or two."

I rolled my eyes "Fine. Whatever. Be distant, make him beg you on his knees and fly to the sunset."

She smiled and I watched Harry walk towards the castle. His arm was wrapped around Ginny's waist, as she seemed disgustingly…happy.

"I think I'll head back to the castle." I said "I should get ready for the dinner."

"Yeah, you go, I'll come later." She murmured and I stood up, walked to the castle. I quickly went upstairs and entered the Tower, then went to my dormitory.

Stupid Weasley.

Stupid illness.

Stupid, stupid chosen one.

I went into the shower. The water had always managed to calm me down, so, I stayed in the shower for almost twenty minutes, then went out, cast a drying spell to my hair and opened my trunk to find something to wear.

Just as I took my hairclip, Natalie burst into the room

"Sarah!"

"What?" I asked "Do you think I should let my hair loose or-"

"Don't panic, but Beth's in trouble."

My hand froze in my hair and I turned to her quickly

"What?" I asked "What-what do you mean trouble?"

She looked at me, trying to find the right words

"Somebody… roughed her up." She murmured and my eyes narrowed

"Roughed her up- is she alright right now? And who did this?"

"Yeah, of course, she's outside now-" I didn't even wait for her to finish her sentence, I stormed out of the room and pushed the portrait, stepped out.

"Are you alright!" I asked to her and she sighed

"I told her not to tell you. Sure, Sarah, I-"

I lifted her chin to examine her face, no bruises, no wounds…

Good.

"Who was it?" I demanded and she avoided my gaze

"So you can go and fight my battles for me? No way."

I gritted my teeth "Beth. Tell. Me."

"No." She said calmly "I'm alright, there's no reason for you to know."

I stomped on my foot "God, you're unbelievable! Let me handle this-"

"I said no!" she said "I can handle this myself-"

"You're just eleven!"

"So, I'm mature enough to cast a spell to protect myself." She said "Seriously Sar. It's just bullies.."

But I had thought the biggest bully in here was me!

"What triggered this-fight?"

She bit her lip "Remember when we went to the Natalie's party? Obviously the newspapers wrote that I was sorted into Ravenclaw, so… They said I spoiled our blood."

I could feel the anger, possessing my body. No one could touch my sister, no one!

"Who ended the fight? A teacher? Which one?"

"I'm not telling you!" she said impatiently "And I have to go to my tower, Sarah, I'll see you later."

I gawked behind her and heard Natalie pushing the portrait, coming next to me

"Tell all the girls, from now on, at least one person will be with her in everytime of the day. The crew, their sisters and brothers in the Raveclaw..And I'll know everything about who she hangs out with, her enemies, where she goes. Tell them if anything happens, I'll blame the person who was with her at that time." I said without lifting my gaze off the stairs "Does anyone know who ended the fight?"

"Not exactly." She said "But- umm…"

"But what?"

"Some people say it was Potter."

That was when my head shot up, snapping out of my thoughts.

"Potter?" I said, my voice was hoarse "Are you sure?"

"It may be just a gossip" she said quickly and I bit my lip

"Fine. Learn who roughed her up, please?"

She nodded "Of course."

"Just the name though." I said "Don't do anything without my permission. I'll handle with them."

We went back into the common room and she looked around

"Sarah?"

"Hm?"

"I didn't think it was serious at first, but now I think you might need to know." She lowered her voice "One of the girls heard someone talking in the toilets. They- they were talking about… putting you aside."

I looked at her, and from the window behind her, I could see my eyes were as sharp as a cat's

"Putting me aside?"

"Your-ehm- Queen title." She said "Whoever they are, they're trying to be popular in the Slytherin-in the quickest way for it is-"

"Undermining me." I completed the sentence, my brain felt…numb. "They can not do this! What, they think I'll just watch them take my life away from me? Let them bully me?"

"They're watching you, be careful." She murmured under her breath and my expression changed, I fakely smiled.

"Well, I think it was-a show for you to see, you know. The Beth's case. They're letting you know that they know your weak spots."

I nodded again,

"Whoever they are…" I said through my teeth "I will ruin them. You'll see. Just find out who they are."

* * *

But they couldn't.

No one knew who they were and every minute without knowing, irritated me more.

"What do you mean no one knows who attacked her!" I screamed at Sally

"Sarah, we've tried everything, some of the girls even tried to talk to Potter, but he didn't tell anything..they-they say that he said; if Beckingham wants to learn, she can ask me herself."

I leet out a shriek and threw the first thing I grabbed at the wall

"Get out of the room. Everyone!" I barked and they all left the room quickly

"You have to calm down." Natalie said "They will think they're winning if you panic.. Just calm down."

"How can I calm down when someone out there we don't even know is trying to replace me with someone else! " I felt like my brain would explode, my hands were shaking out of anger. "I can't lose it, Nat. You know how my mum and dad would react- and-" I rubbed my face "I can't lose anything. It's not the time for it."

"I know but you have to think clear." She said, trying to calm me down "You won't be able to think sensible if you're angry."

I sat to the bed, the dormitory's walls felt like they were collapsing on me, crushing me so bad that I couldn't even breathe…

My parents would kill me. I couldn't be no one in this House, I had to be on the top. I had to be perfect in every way.

But if I let them take this away from me.. Take my title, take my life away from me… I would be no one. To this school, and to my family.

"Fine." I murmured to myself.

He wants me to talk to him? So be it.

"Come on, we should go to the lunch." She said and I looked at her.

"Yeah, just- let me brush my hair. You go to the Great Hall, I'll come soon." I said and she left the room. I took my quill and a parchement then started writing

_**Tonight. 1 a.m, 7th floor. S.**_

I stuffed it into my pocket and went out of the dormitory. Alright. I had to do it just in the right time….

I walked to the Great Hall and sat to my spot, why was my heart pounding this fast? I had done it before, and more than once…

Watching them snogging made me lost my appetite. Well, actually it made me want to puke, but I managed not to…. I just drank some Pumpkin Juice and when I saw he standing up with Weasley, I waited them to left the Hall, then stood up also. Some girls from my crew looked at me as if asking if I wanted them to come, but I shook my head and walked out of the Hall.

_Where are you, where are you…._

_Huh. Brilliant. I could be a hunter…_

Their backs were turned to me and I fastly walked towards them, then pushed him with my shoulder meanwhile, stuffing the note into his pocket. Of course he had noticed it but I didn't dare to tell something else when the redhead was with him

"Watch where you're going Potter." I said coldly without even looking at his face, ignoring Ginny's calling out "You bumped into him first you-!"

I turned the corner and took a deep breath.

It was done.

But what was this feeling in my stomach?

* * *

Tick tock.

5 more minutes.

I sighed, looking at my watch. All of the girls were sleeping while I kept rolling in the bed. Then got up silently and grabbed my cloak, left the room on my tiptoes. I checked the downstairs- thank Merlin no one was awake- and pushed the portrait.

Hogwarts at night never failed to amaze me. It was so… fascinating, so mysterious. There was no voice but the sleeping sounds of the portraits, and now, my footsteps. Trying not to wake any portrait or get caught by Peeves, I climbed the stairs and reached the 7th floor.

He was already there, waiting for me. His dark messy hair was falling into his green eyes in a way that I adored-

Used to adore. Not now.

I cleared my throat "H-hi."

Stutter? Did I just stutter?

"Hey." He greeted me

"So," I said nervously "You got the note."

_Oh, what was your first clue?_

He nodded "Yeah."

_Beth. Ask about Beth._

"I think you know why I want to talk to you." I started but he cut me off

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I wouldn't be here if I were avoiding you."

"You're here because you want something." He said calmly eyeing me and I sighed, closing my eyes. Why did he have to know me that much?

"Look." I said "Harry, whatever happened- or not happened- between us is not the point right now. Obviously you saved Beth, and thank you but you have to tell me who they were."

"I can't." He shrugged and I gritted my teeth

"You know what, the Sorting Hat was wrong about this _Gryffindor honour_, because you guys have none. It's my sister's safety we're talking about but you want to wrap me around your finger to-"

"I can't tell you because I promised to Beth."

I paused "You what?"

"Beth especially asked me not to tell you."

"You talked to her?"

He smiled slightly "She's such a clever child. Reminds me of Hermione at that ages.."

"What did you talk about?" I asked faintly and he leaned his back against the wall, hands in his pockets

"Nothing much. The first things she said were 'thank you' and 'do you know my sister'."

"And?"

"I said I didn't know you personally." He said "I assume she doesn't know that you and I-"

"No." I cut him off "She doesn't."

He gulped "Sarah- about the night before-"

"I don't want to talk about it." I said quickly and he sighed

"You can't run away from me forever."

"I'm not running away from anything." I growled

"Yes you are, you always have!" he said furiously "Would you stop lying to me? Just when I think your shell cracks, you always close yourself to me, you're so… cold, so icy!"

I didn't said anything

"Look, Sar…" he lowered his voice "Please talk to me. That night-"

"That night, never happened. I hardly remember it-"

"Well, I remember it clearly." He said firmly "I know that you feel… vulnerable, you're somehow- afraid that I will hurt you if you let me know who you really are, but I won't do that."

"You _can't_ do that." I corrected him icily "You won't hurt me? How can you even still say that? What, did you think I would be thrilled when you kissed her?"

He stayed silent

"So, stop making excuses for me being so cold," I used air-quotes "because you turned me into this." I growled through my teeth "Don't hurt what you can't kill, Harry. Especially if it's me."

He took a deep breath "Sarah-"

"Who attacked Beth?" I insisted, looking at him and he shook his head

"Harry, I don't think you understand me, I _need_ to know who they are." I said "Beth- she doesn't know how to handle with them."

"I think you're not giving her enough credit." He said "She's clever enough to handle them."

"Being clever and being able to defend oneself is totally different things." I said "Do you know why they attacked her? Did she tell you?"

He shook his head again "No, why?"

"Because she couldn't get into Slytherin, and every pureblood family in our society knows it right now. They think somehow, she is a blood traitor.. I've been trying to keep them from turning her into an outsider but my own family treat her like she has some kind of disease. But of course, it's not the only reason why she was attacked." I took a deep breath "There are some people in the Slytherin who wants to have my position, this.. top of this social hierarchy. They're trying to undermine me, and they know where to attack first and the worst thing is, I don't know how far they can go..."

He seemed confused "Your position?"

I sighed "Look, this… this stupid Ice Queen title, being popular in the Slytherin, the whole school, to be on top of this chain.. No one is born into this.. We just try too hard, climb our way up and tread on people to get this. And if I lose it, my family will…" I let out a laugh "I can't even imagine how they will react. They would act like I didn't even exist if I fell. I would never be able to hold the same place in their eyes, let alone helping Beth, I wouldn't even be able to help myself. Here's the world I was born into." I said sharply "Now, whether you give me names, or I'll force you, because believe me, I won't be losing anything anytime soon."

He looked like he was struggling with himself, but then, he looked into my eyes and ran a hand through his hair

"Millicent Bulstrode." He said "And two other girls, I don't know them."

I let out a shaking breath "Alright. Thank you."

He licked his lips "Can't you just…stop? I mean this much of a contrivance must be tiring. Can't you.. slow down and stop for a while?"

I smiled in pain

"No.." I said faintly, my voice sounded so small "No I can't. I can't be no one once I reached the top. I have to keep going and keep going as if I'm the happiest and luckiest person alive. I am. I'm so lucky. There couldn't be someone luckier than I am."

I turned around to leave but he grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to himself

"Sarah…" he whispered, I felt his hot breath and his lips on my temple "Just tell me something. Even if it's really small, do I have a chance? With you, again?"

I wanted to say 'No'. I should've said 'No' but I couldn't even open my mouth. I couldn't force my mouth to form that word. So, I did the only thing that I could, I yanked my arm back and walked away.


	9. Nothing And Everything

**Author's Note: Here's the next one! I hope everyone likes it! And thanks so much for the reviews!**

Review Responses:

DayDreamBabyBee- Yayy, I'm glad you like it ; ) Thanks soo much!

**Rae- Thank you so much for your constructive criticism! And I'm sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors, as I've mentioned earlier, english is not my first language but I should've been more careful before publishing my new chapters... And I will be from now on, I hope I didn't mess it up already...: ) **

**ramenlover1050: heheh, here's your update! Thanks so much for the review; ) **

**SARAH'S POV**

There was more than one way to ruin someone.

Psychologic and slow one was my favourite. I had to admit, I took some kind of… sadistic joy from it.

For 3 days, I had been giving little smiles and glares to Millicent. She probably knew that I knew she was the one who attacked to Beth.. She had been changing her direction whenever she saw me and it was really _really_ funny. To me anyway. I doubt it was that funny for her…

"Spill out Sar, what are you up to?" Beth asked and I gave her one of my innocent doe eyed stares.

"Nothing."

"I know that smile Sarah, you only use it either when someone makes a really good compliment to you, or when you're after revenge. Which one?"

"Neither." I said "It's just.. a beautiful day. Don't you think?"

"You're scaring me."

"Aww, honey.." I said "You're not the one who should be scared right now."

It took her 3 seconds to understand

"Sarah?"

"Hm?"

"Is-is this about my- fighting?"

"Yeap."

"How did you find out who it was-?"

"I have sources." I said calmly and she sighed

"Oh Merlin. You're after revenge, aren't you?"

I giggled "Eye for eye sist!"

"You don't stop once you start this, you know that right?" she said hopelessly "You just… you always make sure that they're absolutely ruined!"

I let out a laugh "I'm having some fun, Beth! I thought you were the one who wanted to see me more alive!"

"Yes but- it's not the- Sarah!" she huffed "Now everyone will think I'm not capable of standing up for myself without you!"

"It's not all this is about." I said "I mean- a big part of it, is about your fight. But people will hear something different."

"What will they hear?"

"Just wait and see honey." I said "We're gonna have so much fun!"

She groaned and buried her face to her hands

* * *

Two girls were whispering behind the shelves in the library. I tried to ignore them and focus on my potions book, but minutes after, I started listening to them.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely" The other girl answered "Look.. I know it sounds so early, it's almost two months, but…I've been loving him for years and he seems so.. distant lately. I think it's time."

"But you can't do it just to… get more closer with him-"

"It's not just that." She whispered "I-I want it too. I'll give myself to him."

I held back a very loud laughter and pursed my lips. _Giving yourself? You might as well have said 'sexual intercourse' ?_

_I mean seriously people, the action is the same, no matter how fancy words you use!_

"He'll be my first."

_Yeah, we got that from 'giving yourself to him'_

_And sleeping with someone to get closer? It's so-_

"It's a big decision." The other girl said

_Oh, come on, don't try to stop her, just let her give herself!_

"I'm mature enough to make this decision for myself. For us." She said stubbornly

_Your choice of words says different-_

Other one sighed "Look, I'm not trying to stop you Ginny, but-"

Suddenly, the smile on my lips disappeared and I felt like the blood in my veins turned into broken glasses. Ginny?

"I understand this, but… I know he is the one, Hermione."

It took my all willpower not to curse her. Everything in the room started spinning, and I had to hold onto the table, closing my eyes for couple minutes. My fingers felt numb and my brain felt..frozen. A bitter taste burned my mouth, it felt like some poison was spread through my body. What was this ringing in my ears?

Air.

I needed some fresh air.

_Do not kill her…_ I commanded myself _Do not. Just walk away. You will be alright._

I didn't know where I was walking, but I kept my pace. I needed to hurt someone. I needed to break something, to burn, to give pain. I needed someone hurt like I hurt!

I felt the tears brim my eyes, I needed to find somewhere, somewhere no one could find me, somewhere…safe.

I accidently bumped into people but kept walking fastly, my head down. Few minutes later, I found a girl's bathroom and burst into it. The girls in the bathroom stopped talking and looked at me, puzzled

"Everyone get out." I said, my voice sounded calm

They all stared at each other

"GET OUT!" I screamed and all of them ran to the exit. I closed the door behind them, cast a quick sound proof spell, and fell onto my knees, my body shaking with the sobs. I pulled my knees to my chest, my hands fisted in my hair and pulled it, hard enough to hurt. I was shaking back and forth, I wasn't sure what I was doing exactly, screaming or crying?

I couldn't even imagine her, touching him. Or him to her. She was right about one thing though, it would provide their relationship to grow stronger. It would keep his attention on her.

And I would be… nothing in his eyes.

I let out an another scream and punched the floor, I needed to distract myself from this pain in my heart. I wanted it over, I wanted all of these to end, right now! They weren't supposed to be together! It wasn't supposed to hurt, not this much!

I took a shaking deep breath and leaned my head against the wall, scratching it slowly..I was all alone in this school. Just like Nate had said; no one to love, nowhere to go now.

And in that minute, I realized something I hadn't before. At that very moment I needed nothing but to feel that I was loved. I could've given up everything, just to feel that someone actually cared. I needed to know someone out there, actually wanted me in their lives. Someone I could trust, someone I could talk to.

But right now, I had none. I was just a broken mess, doomed to be forgotten. Wanted, but not loved. The girl that guys lusted after but never bothered to actually know.

I let out a shaking laugh, stood up and splashed some water on my face, then someone came into the bathroom

"Get out." I said without looking at them but they locked the door. I turned my glance at the door and-

"Get. Out. Potter."

He just ignored it and looked into my eyes

"Sar-" He began but I leaped at him like a wild cat, sctratched his face with my fingernails. He grabbed my wrists and wrestled me away from his face but I shoved him with all my strength and attacked again. He held my wrists, trying to avoid my scratches

"Sarah- calm down-!"

"Get out, I hate you get out!" I screamed and tried to save my wrists from his iron grip. I felt like something had possessed me, something wild, hungry, furious…

"What happened for God's sake!" he shouted and pinned me to the wall. I tried push him again, but he was too strong. I gave him a murderous glare and wriggled against his grip.

"What happened?" he repeated and I gritted my teeth

"If you sleep with her I swear to God I'll walk out of your life, and you will never, ever be able to see me again-"

"Sleep with who? Sarah, what the hell are you talking about?"

"You and that Weasel girl!" I screamed and his expression turned into a confused one, his hands left my wrists

"Where did it come from?"

"They were whispering in the library! Turned out that little idiot decided you were the one and- what was it- she decided to give herself to you!" I said, attacking again but he easily held me where I was.

"Wait- come again?"

"For Merlin's sake, do you have a brain in that thick skull?" I asked "She loved you for years, she says! And- and she said you two would get closer that way since you were so distant lately bla bla! Harry, I swear to God I'll claw your eyes out and that little slut will never be able to walk again if you even dare to think-"

"Sarah!" he raised his voice "Just shut up for one second!"

I stopped talking and looked up at him

"Noone will sleep with anyone." He said in a firm voice and I threw back my head, letting out a wild laugh

"Oh, right! She thought different for some reason-!"

I couldn't believe it but he chuckled slightly "Could you even pay attention to what she actually said or were you too busy with having your nervous breakdown?"

I scowled "What?"

"I was distant lately for some reason? Rings any bells love?"

I stopped wriggling "What? You were distant, so?"

He chuckled again "Let's see, me being distant to her started weeks ago. After we had- that conversation when you were in the Hospital Wing. Now, would you want to guess why I've been so distant ?"

Oh.

The anger inside of me started burning out.

"But…" a smile appeared on his lips "I thought you didn't care about me anymore. You said so, what's with this jealousy?"

I held my head high "I'm not jealous!" I said "I just don't want it to occur between you, and if I don't want something to happen, it won't."

His pupils were dilated with longing, so much that I could hardly see the green "You have no idea how spoilt you are.."

"You have no idea how idiot you are." I snapped "I'll hear even the littlest thing happen between you. Those minions are around me for a reason, Harry, if you even touch her, or if you let her touch you, you're dead!"

"I knew it.." he murmured "You still care."

I didn't answer that "Would you leave my arm?"

"Are you going to attack me?"

"I haven't decided yet. Leave my arm."

"Make me." he dared and I kicked his leg. He groaned and cringed, rubbing the spot.

"Huh. you'd think a guy who fought with You-Know-Who would be more tough…" I said smugly and he looked at me sharply

"Oh, please, Voldemort is a warm-up act compared to you…"

I winced when I heard his name "Stop it." I said through my teeth and he straightened his back. I took a step towards the door but he held my waist tightly, restraining me from moving more than an inch.

"No." I said quickly when I saw those burning lights in his green eyes "I won't snog to you in these stinky bathrooms, especially when I know you'll be going to her when you leave here."

He smiled but it faded away "Did you really think I would sleep with her?"

"It's not that hard when she also thinks that." I retorted and he sighed

"Sarah, can't you see how much I'm in love with you at all?"

"No I can't." I said "All I can see is you, kissing her."

He groaned and threw his head back, as if praying for patience

"And we both know you can't control your stupid hormones." I added and pushed him, but he pinned me to the wall again

"Are you kidding me? I love you-"

"And I hate you!" I cried out hopelessly "You keep talking about how much you love me all the time, but I don't have any proof! Your infamous love, where is it? You think you show me that when you hold her in your arms? If you love me, then prove it, make me see it, make me feel it, prove it to me!"

His hands went to the back of my neck and he pulled me to him in one swift move, capturing my lips with his. My first thought was to push him away, but… I couldn't. His hand fisted in my hair to hold my head steadily. He lifted me and I locked my legs around his waist, scratching his neck with my fingernails gently. He let out an animal like grunt and his hands roamed my body, my legs, under my skirt…

He pushed my back against a toilet's door and his lips found my neck, Merlin, it was wrong, I should've said 'No', I should've resisted but every cell in my body screamed for more. The room was spinning and blurry, and-

"Sarah?" someone knocked the door and cast an unlocking spell. Before she could come in, Harry opened the toilet's door and entered it, with me, still in his lap. I forced myself to stay calm but it wasn't that easy when my best friend was about to walk on us…

"Ehm-Yeah Nat?" I cleared my throat as Harry started kissing my neck, sucking a spot. I bit my tongue not to moan

"Are you alright? People say that you looked- angry?"

I let out a gasp but he silenced it with his lips, then chuckled silently

"Shhh…" he whispered into my ear, his voice sent a shiver running up and down my spine "Be quiet love.."

"Stop it!" I whispered hastily and raised my voice "Ehm-Nat- I'm alright, it's just….umm…I just- had my period, that's all."

Harry pulled back to look at me, giving me a quizzical look and I rolled my eyes

"So, I'll… if you could leave me alone for couple minutes?" I asked as his hands went under my shirt.

"Don't!" I whispered again and heard Natalie's voice

"Are you sure? You sound weird.."

_Oh for crying out loud, leave me alone!…_

"Harry!" I whispered and he gave me an innocent look

"You haven't said the magic words…"

"I'm fine Nat!" I said, panting and lowered my voice "Harry, fine, _please_ stop, please.."

He just smiled and caressed the small of my stomach while nibbling my neck, then his hand slid up to the edge of my bra-

"Alright then." I heard Natalie said "I'll be in the Great Hall."

"Great!" I said breathlessly and heard the door opened, then closed. I let out the breath I'd been holding, unlocked my legs, pushed his hands away and got on my feet.

"I can't believe you!" I whispered "Oh, why am I still whispering?" I slapped his arm "She could've caught us!"

He laughed and trapped me between his body and the wall

"Love?"

"I'm not your love." I retorted but my heart was still pounding violetly against my ribs…

"Your make up is smudging."

I lifted my eyebrows and turned my head to look in the mirror. I gawked at it for few seconds and-

"Oh my God!" I pushed him away and started pawing through my bag. I washed my face and grabbed a hankie, wiped my eyes carefully. I took out my eyeliner and mascara, then looking in the mirror, started applying some.

He on the other hand, slid his arms around my waist behind me and combed my hair back from my neck, kissing there. I shivered.

"What do you exactly want from me, Harry?"

His breath on my neck stopped and he raised his head, his eyes finding mine in the mirror.

"You don't know?"

I arched an eyebrow "I thought I did, but I'm not sure anymore."

"What did you think earlier?"

"That you wanted a simple fling. That you wanted to have sex with me. That you wanted a silly adventure." I answered bluntly and he gave me a sad smile

"I want _you_."

A familiar pain started burning in my heart "So I was right. You do want to have sex with me-"

"No." He said simply and my brows pulled together

"You've just said-"

"I want you. All of you. Yes, it includes your body too, but I also want your mind, your heart, your soul. Everything."

"It doesn't make any sense." I blurted out "What are you going to do with the rest of me?"

He stroked my hair, sighing "I'll try to fix what's broken inside of you."

"Nothing is broken inside of me."

His piercing eyes met mine again "You say so?"

I narrowed my eyes "Yeah, I say so."

Why did I feel vulnerable? Why did I feel suddenly- naked?

"And-" I added in a demanding tone "Why would you want to fix me? Why would you even bother, why don't you just- decide you only want to sleep with me and get on with it, what's wrong with you?"

His lips curled upwards again

"Because, Sarah, I want you to know that, no matter what they told you; the world isn't all about ambition and success. I want you to know that you're not all alone in the world. I want you to realize you deserve someone who wants you beyond looks, money and reputation. I want you to get rid of your poison and realize you're capable of love."

I shook my head slowly "And? What will happen in the end?"

He placed a kiss to the top of my head "Let's decide that when it happens, okay?"

I cleared my throat and walked to the door, checked outside.

"It's clear." I said and turned to him "By the way, what we did in here didn't mean anything-"

"Of course."

I opened my mouth, then closed it again "And nothing will happen again until you break up with her."

His head snapped up "And _when_ I break up with her?"

I smirked "Let's decide that when it happens." I opened the door and made my way to the Great Hall.

**Author's note 2: Liked it? Hated it? Please please tell me what you think! : ) **


	10. Difference Between Love And Obsession

**Author's Note: I know, it's a little late... But I hope it's worth it =) so, enjoy and review please!  
PS: Harry Potter belongs to genius J.K. Rowling!**

**Review Responses:**

**DayDreamBabyBee: Yay, thank you! Argh, I don't like Ginny either, I mean, she was nice in the first books but then... *sigh***

**KissMeCate: Omg, I'm really glad you like it! I'mm starting to like writing them together ; ) I hope I don't mess it up =)**

**ThisLooksLikeAJobForMe: Oh my god, thank you soo much! Wow, you read both of my stories, am I spoilt or what =P *giggles* I hope you like this chapter!**

**SARAH'S POV**

I ran around the lake's edge at a steady pace. It was 7 in the morning, yet, I was awake. And running. Again

"I'll never understand how you can find this energy…" a heard his voice and stopped on my tracks

"And I'll never understand how you don't know when to stop…" I was panting and I turned my head to look at him. "I told you not to come here anymore Potter."

"Well…" he shrugged "I've never followed any rules, why would I start now?"

I frowned "It's an interesting train of thought…" I took a deep breath and started walking towards him. His back was against the tree and he unlocked his arms as he watched me come closer

"You should be worried.." I said, stil trying to get my breathing under control and wiped the sweat off my forehead "Your little girlfriend may see us."

"At 7 in the morning?" he laughed "Come on Sar. No one is up in the castle yet."

I shrugged and brushed my hair off my face. It was pulled into a ponytail before I started running, but now, it was a mess…

I leaned my back against the tree as well and slipped, sat down. He sat down beside me

"So?" I said "What are you doing here?"

"Admiring the view." He said, grinning and I sighed

"It's a wonder how you can be this moronic at the 7 in the morning."

"And it's a wonder to me how you can be this poisonous at the 7 in the morning." He retorted and I rolled my eyes

"What, you would want me to turn into one of your groupies?"

He raised an eyebrow

"That would be nice actually."

"Oh my God, you're the boy who lived, can I take your autograph? In fact, snap your fingers and I'll jump into bed in a second!" I exclaimed

He chuckled "First of all, no one jumped into any bed-"

"Because you didn't ask them to." I said calmly "Seriously, do you think they would refuse it?"

He opened his mouth to deny, but closed again.

"I thought so." I said smugly and he shrugged

"It doesn't even matter, you know?" he said "The only girl I want to jump into a bed with, is you."

I smirked "Huh. No one red headed?"

He paused and grimaced "I assure you I don't see Ron like that, Sarah."

I pinched his arm and he laughed "And no, I don't want Ginny either."

"You'd better not." I murmured under my breath, wrapping a piece of grass around my finger. He yawned

"So we can actually talk like two civilized human beings-"

"As much as you want to do something _less_ civilized."

"I stand corrected."

I giggled and he looked at me.

"Seriously. Let's try this."

I raised an eyebrow "Let's try what? I so won't turn into one of your groupies-"

"Not that." He sighed patiently "No fighting, no throwing fits, no jealousy crisis for the whole day."

"Do you really believe we can do that?" I smirked "It's kind of impossible. And we'll get bored."

I didn't know why, but I enjoyed using the word 'we' for him and I.

"No we won't." He said and I sighed, turning my head so I could look into his green eyes.

_Too green. I had never realized it , but his eyes were really emeral green._

"_So, how did Slytherin's Perfect Ice Queen end up getting detention?" he asked mockingly, after one hour later in our first detention. He had been watching me since he got there, even though he tried his hardest to hide it, I was aware of it._

_I didn't say anything, he wasn't worth it. Stupid Gryffindor._

"_Oh, come on, will you just ignore me?"_

_Silence again._

"_I can't understand why the others are so fond of you, you don't look that fun."_

_My lips curved into a smug smile. Of course. Hearing those from Saint Potter was so hurting…_

"_Is that the reason you've been watching me?" I talked, raising my head "Because I don't look 'that fun'?"_

_He looked a little taken aback "I'm not watching you."_

"_Whatever makes you sleep at nights." I smiled innocently _

_He gulped _

"_And for the reason why they are so fond of me.." I said smugly "Is the same reason why you've been watching me."_

_He took another cup from the shelf and chuckled_

"_I won't say it has nothing to do with how you look." He said "But you'd better enjoy it, because you have nothing else in your hands. You're empty, Beckingham."_

_And suddenly, it…hurt. Burnt, more likely._

_I kept my chin up "Really now?" I tilted my head to the right and Filch came into the room_

"_It will be enough."_

_He left the room quickly and I stood up, putting the cup into the shelf. Then, I slowly walked towards Harry, like a cat, ready to attack. I could see his breathing gone faster as I put my hand to his chest,stood on my tiptoes and pushed my body against his. There were inches between our lips now and I grinned, leaning to whisper into his ear_

"_I have nothing else in my hands, huh?" I said, my voice was low, and sickly innocent "Try to remind that to yourself next time you're in the bathroom.."_

"You _will_ get bored." I insisted and he rolled his eyes

"Ehm-Sarah-Despite what you might think, I actually want a peaceful life."

I raised an eyebrow "And you're coming to talk with me behind your girlfriend's back? Sure…"

He made a noise that sounded like a wounded puppy and I tried not to look at him.

"I'm serious." He said "Look I want to-be able to touch you without worrying about whether you will scratch my eyes out or not. Even if it's for one day. It'll be fun, come on…"

I considered the options, it could be interesting..

"What, like an ordinary relationship?" I asked, crossing my arms and he nodded fervently

" So, what do you say?"

I bit my lip

"Is it an another game?"

He tilted his head to the right, flames burning in his green eyes

"Yeah?"

I giggled and twirled my hair, gazing up at him innocently

"Play now?"

* * *

"Come on ladies, get up!" I called out when I got back to the dormitory. "There is a perfect weather outside, go and enjoy it!"

Natalie half opened her eyes "What's going on Sar?"

"The weather is amazing, that's going on! And breakfast time is coming, I didn't know you were that lazy, get up!" I pulled the pillow under her head and hit her with it.

"You definitely lost your mind…"she groaned as they all started getting up. I opened to my trunk and got my robes.

"So, have you thought about the-revenge?" Natalie came next to me and murmured under her breath

"Mm hm."

"That's the reason why you're so…excited?"

I shrugged "Come on, get ready, we have things to do."

After half an hour, she was ready, and we started walking to Potions class.

"So, when will we do it?"

"I was thinking before the dinner, what do you think?"

"Sounds good." She said "You're still sure about public humiliation?"

"Well…" I said "I thought it'd give a message, you know? To the others? I'll take my _private_ revenge later, but…this time, I want everyone to see. It'll be a show."

"Beth will be there." She reminded me "You sure you want her to see?"

I bit my lip thoughtfuly "You think we can find a way to keep her out of there?"

"I don't think so." She said "How much time do we need?"

"About five minutes." I said as we walked into the class and took our spots "It shouldn't take long."

"What if Bulstrode doesn't-" Natalie was cut off when Slughorn entered the class. I gave her a warning look and we both opened our books.

"Page 50, Fire Protection Potion." Slughorn said "Let's start, kids."

I searched the page

"Ingredients…" I murmured and walked to the store cupboard, opened it and got the things I needed for the potion. Then I turned around to leave but ran into Harry, who quickly took a step back so that we didn't make any noise.

I looked around and whispered "Are you following me or something?"

"In the same class?" he grinned "I just wanted to take-"

"Yeah, got it." I said quickly and he glared at someone behind me

"Tell those idiot Slytherin blokes to stop staring at you."

I rolled my eyes "No jealousy, remember? We're being a boring,ordinary couple."

He ruffled the back of his hair, his eyes shining "Couple?"

_Oh. Bloody hell.._

"I'm just playing your game." I said calmly and walked past him. I put my stuff on the table and took 5 mandrake leaves into my hand.

"What if she doesn't show up?"

"She will show up." I said "Everyone will be there, remember?" I sighed "Draco, may I take your knife? "

"Of course." He said and I smiled

"Thanks." I took his knife and started cutting the leaves, still feeling Harry's eyes, burning a hole on my back

"Anyway, do you think you could arrange someone who will keep Beth busy meanwhile?"

"I'll try." Natalie murmured and I nodded

"Alright then. Just for five minutes, remember." I grinned "It'll be great."

"What will be great?" I heard Draco's voice behind me and turned around to look at him

"Eavesdropping are we?" I arched an eyebrow, supressing a grin "Shame on you, Draco."

He smirked "Well you girls weren't keeping your voices that low."

"Apparently."

"And I just wanted to ask you if you're done with my knife, that's all." He said with a fake innocent expression and I giggled

"Fine. Here you go." I handed the knife over to him and he took it.

"So, you haven't answered my question. What will be great?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out with the rest of the school." I smiled at him, flashing a glance

"Oh, come on Sarah…" he said, pretending to be hurt "Am I not privileged in your eyes? Do I have to wait with the rest of the school?"

I paused for one second, pretending to think "Let me think about it- yeah."

He sighed "Well then, Natalie can tell me if you don't."

I could see her blush "M-me?"

"No she won't." I said "Right Nat?"

She smiled "I have to think about it first."

"See Sar?" he said "She is much more merciful than you are."

"Tell me something I don't already know." I said and he chuckled, then walked to his own table.

"Merciful huh?" I said, peeping at Natalie mischevously, who was smiling to herself "Good start."

"If you say so…" she bit her lip to hide her smile and started cutting her own plants..

* * *

When the lesson was over, I and Natalie took our stuff and left the class with everyone. I checked my watch and bit my lip

"Nat, you go…" I said slowly "I should go and see Beth for couple minutes, she should be in her free period now."

She nodded "Say hi to her for me."

"Sure." I said and started walking. I climbed the stairs and rounded a corner and before I could know it, someone had already pulled me into an empty classroom.

I whipped out my wand but saw Harry, and I pushed it back into my robe pocket in confusion

"What happened?"

He glared daggers at me and I gulped

"What?"

"Are you doing this on purpose?" his voice was low, throaty and…threatening.

"Doing what on purpose?" I asked, puzzled and I could see that he had clenched his fists. He paced back and forth, taking a deep breath and my heart beat sped up

"Are you planning to tell me what you're talking about in this century?" I asked sarcastically and he stopped pacing, sending me a furious glare

"You don't even realise it, do you? Of course, why would you, it's as natural as breathing for you!"

"I don't realise what?"

"How you talked with Malfoy!" he roared and I fell silent

_Wait-_

_How did I talk with him?_

"What?" I said, now I was really confused "What are you talking about?"

"Do you really have to flirt with every bloke around you?" he shouted "Will you ever stop?"

"I didn't flirt-" I began but stopped, why was I defending myself anyway?

"He was nearly drooling, are you blind?"

My lips curved and I shrugged, provoking him "How was I supposed to know that you would get angry?"

He looked at me disbelievingly "Well, go snog to him and see if I get angry, Sarah? In fact, why don't you go to his bed and we'll both see how I react!"

I rolled my eyes and sat on a desk inspecting my fingernails

"I don't understand why you're dramatazing it..." I said, although, I was trying my hardest not to laugh, I would never look at him that way. He was Natalie's. "I get to watch you snog to that redhead everyday.."

He let out an angry breath and I got on my feet, but he grabbed my arm and prevented me from moving. I glared at him, my back against the wall.

"Sarah.." he said through his teeth, emphasizing every word "I'm not in the mood to play. You will not hang out with him, or talk with him, or anything like that. Is that quite understood?"

I blinked dumbly, getting mad in every second "You can't tell me who I can or can't see, Potter."

"Watch me." He said calmly and my teeth mashed together with an audible sound.

"I can see whoever I want to see, hell, snog whoever I want to snog! You wouldn't even know it if I wanted to, who knows what I could do at the midnight, in Slyherin dormitories…" I enjoyed the sight of his expression "This is my life, and if you're in it, it's because I let you be in it! And you'd better remember it, because I won't repeat it again!" I said furiously, yanked my arm back and made a move to the door, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the class again.

"Do you want to know what I won't repeat again?" even though his voice was low, it gave me goosebumps "You will not see him again."

I pushed him away, that was the last straw. Who was he to tell me what I could or couldn't do?

"I'm not your possession-I'M NOT GINNY!"

He seized my lips in a brutal kiss, my eyes closed and I let out an involutary sigh. His fingers went into my hair and tilted my head up for better access. Every inch of him was pressed against me and we were both out of breath already… His tongue teased my bottom lip and I wrapped my arms around his neck, parting my lips.

Minutes-maybe days- later, he pulled back, and his lips trailed kisses down to my neck. He sighed, inhaling my scent and stroked my hair

"Now listen closely, my little ice queen…" he whispered as he brushed his lips against mine again "Stop being bitchy to me, for both of our sakes. I'm very well aware that you're not Ginny, but I hope you realise that I'm not one of those idiot, pathetic admirers around you either. Got it?"

He gave me a one last kiss and left me in the empty classroom, consternated.

* * *

I walked into the Great Hall with my minions behind me. It was just before the dinner, almost everyone but the teachers were there.

Brilliant.

"Hey, Bulstrode." I called out, and the second she turned her head, I swished my wand, and she was pinned to the wall

"We need to talk." I said calmly. Everyone in the hall looked at us and some wolf whistled, but most of the crowd fell completely silent to hear our talk.

Couple first years looked at each other and took a step to call the teachers, but two of my minions blocked their way

"If anyone calls any teacher in here, you will be on my list." I said, without taking my eyes off the girl in front of me.

"It wasn't me." She said quickly and I let out a laugh, turning to Natalie

"Oh she's so cute…Can I keep her?"

She smiled at me and I let out a sigh

"Okay then. Anyway, Bulstrode…" I said, coming closer to her "Did you really think I wouldn't find out? I mean, seriously. Even you can't be that stupid."

She tried to move her legs and arms, but I pouted fakely

"You know what I hate most? When people don't listen to me." I waved my wand, so the back of her head slammed to the wall with a loud noise.

"That's better." I said "Now. I think we need to clear things out" I reached out and grabbed her by her throat "You could never,ever be the queen. You have neither beauty nor wit for it. I mean, you can dream about it, of course…" I squeezed her neck just a little "But.. if you make a move, and if that move hurts someone around me, especially my sister…" I gritted my teeth "You will pay. Got it?"

She nodded with a great effort and I tilted my head to the right

"Great." I smiled "Oh, and by the way… Seeing the blood traitors in your family, you're the last person who can judge people by their blood. I hope we understood each other."

"Okay stop it!" someone said behind me and I turned around, confused. Granger was looking at me angrily

"You made your show, enough!"

One of the minions-Liza- took a step towards her but I raised my hand

"Don't." I said, then turned to Granger. My narrowed eyes found Harry, who stood up behind her protectively.

I gulped and shrugged my shoulders "Okay then. I was bored anyway" With a swish of my wand, Bullstrode fell on her face. She stood up with difficulty and ran to the exit just when teachers came in.

"Liza, Mary?" I said "Make sure that she _doesn't_ fall on the way."

They grinned and walked to the exit, and I sat down

"Blimey, Sarah!"

"Are you planning to do something else?"

"It was brilliant!"

I raised my head to shot an innocent glare at Harry, who was looking at me in a complete shock.

* * *

Everyone in the dormitory was giggling and I was sitting on my bed, brushing my hair

"What happened to you?" I asked to Natalie, she had been very silent since the dinner

""Nothing." She murmured and I rolled my eyes, then threw my pillow at her

"Obviously something happened, come on Nat, spill it!"

She tried to smile and threw my pillow back at me "It's-it's nothing Sar. Really. I should go to sleep now…"

She turned to her side and pulled the covers over her head, I on the other hand jumped from the bed and approached the girls

They elbowed each other and fell silent.

"So…" I said, taking myself a glass of Pumpkin Juice "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing Sarah…" Jane said "We were just talking about the dinner."

"Hmm?" I said, grinning and raised my cup

"To the revenge, ladies…and loyalty."

They all raised their cups and I pulled myself a chair

"You attracted everyone's attention."

"Did I?" I said smugly "I wasn't aware of it."

Liza whispered something into Jane's ear and they all giggled again. I arched an eyebrow

"What?"

"Draco Malfoy couldn't take his eyes off of you." Mary said and I could feel my smile faded. I held my breath

"I'm sure you saw it wrong.."

"All of us?" Jane said "He watched you all night, as if you were the only one in the Great Hall."

My stomach flipped and suddenly, my throat felt really dry. And tight.

I turned my head to look at Natalie's quiet form.

"Did he?"

"Yeah, and I think you two would be a great couple!" Liza said and they laughed excitedly

"I mean, everyone saw it…"

"It was really romantic…"

I couldn't say anything, I just focused on my breathing.

_In._

_Now out._

_Now do the same thing again._

_Everything will be alright._

_

* * *

_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: So, please review and tell me what you think and what you want to see next! Opinions,ideas,constructive criticism, anything!**

**Thank you so much for reading my fanfiction!**


	11. The Search For Something More

**Author's Note: The movie was awesome! Gosh, I loved it! :) Anyway, I hope everyone likes this chapter and..enjoy!**

**Ps: Thanks sooo much to Reviewer and Crazy- Obsessed- Potter- Chick! You two have been my encouragement to write the new chapter;)**

**Ps2: Harry Potter belongs to genius JKR as you all know...**

**SARAH'S POV**

I couldn't sleep that night.

As much as I wanted to tell myself that it was because of how Harry talked with me, it wasn't.

Not completely anyway.

I couldn't go to my regular jogging, I couldn't even move my body. I just lay there in the bed, staring at the ceiling.

When I saw Natalie's body moving under the covers from the corner of my eye, I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

It was my fault.

For all my life, since I had stepped into the Hogwarts, I was taught to how to play people. I was taught to impress them. First by my parents, then by Nate…

Well, congratulations to me. Apparently I had managed to impress people.

Had I really flirted with him?

Suddenly Harry's voice rang in my ears _"It's as natural as breathing for you!"_

Well, of course it was! It was supposed to be like that!

That was the right thing.

Right?

I heard Natalie's getting up from the bed and walking to the bathroom. When she closed the door, I opened my eyes and jumped out of the bed. I took my robes from my trunk and quickly changed without waking up anyone.

Fresh air. I needed some fresh air.

I opened the window and sat on the edge, taking deep breaths. I could feel the fresh wind, filling my nostrils, then my lungs, cleaning inside. I held my breath for three seconds and let it out, closing my eyes.

The air was still chilly. The sky was turning into dark blue from the black, and I hugged myself. The cold had gotten inside of me, as if it was forming an ice in my stomach.

I would find a way. I had to.

I couldn't let our friendship ruin because of this-whatever it was. She was as good as my sister in my eyes and I couldn't hurt her. She was my family for Merlin's sake!

I heard the door opened and turned my head, then swung my legs over the edge, got on my feet.

She seemed uncomfortable and took a deep breath

"Good morning."

"Good morning." She said faintly and I pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear

"You're early."

"Yeah.." she said, walking to her trunk "The bathroom is empty if you-"

"Nat." I cut her off "I need to talk to you."

She slightly shrugged "About what?"

"About-" I looked around "Look, I know that you heard what the girls talked last night, but… I can assure you whatever you think, is not true."

"What about what I saw?" her voice trembled and that was when I started hating myself "All night, Sarah! All bloody night!"

I closed my eyes for one second, composing myself and opened them again

"I bullied someone last night, everyone wondered what my next move would! It's completely normal that he-he looked at me!"

"You didn't see how…" she whispered and I ran my hand through my hair

"I'll take care of it."

She looked at me disbelievingly "And how are you gonna do that?"

My brain was working nonstop "I don't know yet, but I will. I promise I- he will want you in the end-"

"And in the progress?" she asked me "I won't have him as your gift!"

I tried to supress my anger "Alright then, what do you want me to do?"

"Just stay away from me for a while." Her voice held no emotion "I need to think Sarah. Please just-stay away."

I gulped and held my chin high, my face was showing no emotion of mine. Just like what I was taught.

No emotion.

No weakness.

Nothing.

"If that's what you want." I heard my icy voice

"Yeah" she said, after a pause"It is what I want."

I hushed my urge to cry and raised an eyebrow.

"Fine." I turned on my heels and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

And fell on my knees, covering my mouth to muffle my sobs.

* * *

_Dear Nate_

_I'm writing you this because I have no one else to talk left. I know you must be busy, but... _

_I need you so much right now. _

_The things are so complicated. Remember what I told you at Christmas about love? That guy that I thought I liked? Well, I- _my hand froze for one second and I took a deep breath _I screwed up this time. Really bad. I don't know what we are with him right now, but we are something. And I know that if we start this again, no one will be able to stop us, including ourselves. Every cell in my body, my mind, my pride want me to stop this, warning me about the danger but I just can't. I need help, Nate. For Merlin's sake, I need the old me!_

_Natalie and I don't talk right now. I think. She is somehow under the impression that the guy she likes, likes me. The scary part? Now that I think, she might be right._

_And like I said, I have no one to talk to. Not about 'him', and other things… _

_How are you by the way? You and F. ? I hope your life is better than mine right now, and less complicated. _

_Please write back quickly_

_Sarah._

"Here you go." I murmured to my owl, tying the letter to her leg. "Make sure no one gets this letter but Nate, alright?"

I carried her to one of the glassless windows and she took off. I watched her until she became a tiny black speck and massaged my throbbing temples, then I turned around, .

To see Draco, standing at the entrance.

"Sarah. Hi…"

I smiled faintly "Hi.. How are you?"

"Fine…You?"

"Not bad.."

He went to extend his arm to his owl and it soared down on to there. I, on the other hand walked towards the exit

"What you did yesterday…" he said behind me and I turned around "Was impressive."

"Thank you."

"So, she was the one who attacked your sister, huh?"

"Yeah.." I said, nodding slowly "Well…Good bye-"

"Sarah-wait." He said quickly and I sighed, arching an eyebrow

"Yes?"

"This…This Quidditch match Saturday..Will you-come?"

I merely shrugged "I don't know, I haven't decided yet."

_Don't say what I think you'll say, don't say it, don't say it…_

"Oh." He said "Well, I thought-" he was cut off when I heard footsteps and his eyes narrowed, looking at someone behind me

_Thank God…_

I turned my head to see who had come and my breath caught in my throat

_Or not…_

I gave Harry, who was glaring at Malfoy coldly, a warning look, praying he wouldn't do anything reckless.. His eyes focused on me for one second then glared back at him.

"Potter."

"Malfoy." He said in the same poisonous tone and walked past me fastly. His owl landed to the edge of the window but he just stood there, not doing anything but looking out of the window. I could almost feel the anger, radiating from him.

"Come on Sar…" Draco said behind me and I nibbled my lip.

"You go." I said "I…I need to write another letter. See you in Common Room?"

He looked at Harry "I can wait."

"It's not necessary.." I gave him my half-smile "Really Draco. I'll find you when I feel like it."

He smirked and nodded, then left.

Harry whirled around in a flash.

"Sar, huh? Nicknames?"

"Don't even start it." I said, my head had started spinning again. "I'm tired and sleepless and not in the mood, Harry, so..don't."

"The hell I won't! Why is it you always do things I don't want you to do?"

"It might be because I'm not your puppet." I said, trying to focus "I stayed to tell you this; the next time you treat me like that, like in that classroom, I won't be that silent. You might be jealous, you might be insecure but these are not my problems. I'm not your-" I paused, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath "I'm not your punching bag.."

"Are you alright?"

"Focus on the conversation, Harry."

"You're not alright…" he murmured to himself and came closer "What happened?"

"Nothing, I just feel a little dizzy.." I shook my head to focus.

"You weren't at the breakfast, were you? I couldn't see you." His voice was much more gentle now

I shook my head again "I had some things to think, that's all. I couldn't sleep last night."

"Why not?"

I raised an eyebrow, directing my anger at him instead of telling the truth. He would lose his mind otherwise, I was sure of that "Why do you think? I was too angry to sleep, of course."

He raised his hand to touch my hair, but I pulled back

"No." I said curtly "I'm leaving."

"Meet me after the dinner."

"No." I said again

"Sarah…"

"I need to get ready for the party tonight."

He seemed confused for one second, than it dawned on him "Slughorn's party?"

"Mm hm."

"You're actually going?"

I shot him a _'Are you stupid?'_ glare and frowned slightly

"You're not coming, I suppose?"

"Quidditch practice." He said and I hmmed

"Whatever. I'll go and check if my date is ready for tonight as well"

Just like I had thought, he took the bait. His eyes darkened and he gave me a sharp glare

"Date?"

"Yeah." I said innocently

"What do you mean 'date' ? What date?"

I flung my hair over my shoulder "Well, someone asked me if I could go with him a week ago, so.. You didn't think I would go alone, did you? I never go anywhere alone."

"Who is he?" his voice held a hint of supressed anger

"Blaise." I said, shrugging

"Zabini?"

"Yeap."

He let out a breath and I smiled

"Anyway… Have fun at the practice."

"Sar wait-"

But before he could say an another word, I walked out of the Owlery my hands in my pockets

_Now what?_

_First move ,find Blaise._

_Second, make him ask you to be his date for the party._

I sighed

_A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do…_

_

* * *

_

"I thought you weren't going, Sarah…" Astoria murmured and I shrugged

"Plans changed…"

Liza cleared her throat "Who is your date?"

I paused "Blaise.."

"He asked you?"

"Not yet.." I turned to her with a smile on my face "But you'll take care of it."

Her eyes widened "You want him to-?"

"To ask me, yeah." I said, inspecting my fingernails "And he will."

Astoria's eyes darted between us "Sarah-"

"You're going there too, am I wrong?"

She nodded

"Great. You're going, Liza is going, and…"

"Mary is going too."

"Alright." I said calmly "Now, let me repeat myself. Either you three get Blaise to ask me, or I'll take one of your dates as my date."

They looked at each other and I walked into the Herbology classroom. My gaze stopped on Natalie and I gulped, but held my head high and took a spot next to Daphne.

The lesson ended quickly and I stashed my books into my bag, then shooting Blaise a provocative little smile, I left the classroom.

I wandered in the corridors for five minutes, then headed upstairs, gave the password to the portrait and stepped into Common Room. I plopped myself down onto the couch, taking my book from my bag and making myself look like I was busy.

Minutes later, somone sat beside me and I raised my head

"Hi Sarah."

"Hey Blaise." I smiled "How are you?"

"Fine.." he said, looking at me "You?"

"Not bad…." I said slowly and he cleared his throat

"Listen-umm… Liza told me something about Slughorn's party."

"Did she?" I asked nonchalantely

"Yeah-and umm…I was wondering if you're going?"

I arched an eyebrow. Perfect..

"Depends.." I murmured "Why did you ask?"

He licked his lips "I heard girls' talking about- well, would you want to-come with me?"

My lips curled upwards and I hmmed, pretending to be thinking.

"I guess…" I said after one minute and he let out a relieved breath

"Alright then. Brilliant."

"Yeah." I said, getting up "I'll see you at 8?"

"It's a date." He said and I chuckled

"I'd never go to a party as simple as this one in a date, Blaise."

* * *

"Miss Beckingham, Mr Zabini, what a lovely couple!" Slughorn said excitedly "Come in, please…"

We entered his Office which was a lot larger than the other teachers', or because he had enchanted it. The room was really crowded and stuffy, and lighted very well.

My gaze met a pair of emerald green eyes and I supressed a smile. I felt a sudden spark of anger in me when I saw Ginny, excitedly telling something to him, but it looked like his attention was on something else…

Brilliant.

"Cool party." Blaise said as he handed me a glass of champagne, and I took a sip

"I've seen better."

He chuckled "Is there anything in the world, enough for you Sarah?"

I shrugged "Let me get back to you on that one."

Harry dragged his gaze away from me to focus on Ginny and I turned to Blaise

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"I was asking you how did it feel to have everything you want and not be happy about it."

I smiled "I don't have everything I want, Blaise."

"Really? And what is it that you want but don't have?"

I downed my drink, my glance focused on Harry "More." I said simply, looking him in the eye "I want everything and more of it."

Blaise paused, then raised his glass "Cheers to that."

I giggled and took another glass

"I need some fresh air." I said after another sip "I'm going to the balcony."

"Would you want me to-"

"Oh, no." I said "You stay here. I'll be back." I walked to the balcony entrance, opened the door and stepped out. I hugged myself and rubbed my palms together, breathing heavily to them. The air was really cold tonight…

Putting my glass onto the marble balcony parapet, I closed my eyes, sighing. I wanted to feel…free. Just for one second, forgetting all about my problems…

Someone slid their arms around my waist behind me and I jolted

"Relax, it's me." I heard Harry's voice and frowned

"Have you lost your mind?" I said through my teeth "If someone sees us-"

"They won't." He murmured, brushing my hair over my ear gently "It's completely dark, this corner."

I paused, enjoying his touch and leaning back against his chest, letting him hold me. He pressed his lips to my temple and his hand went up to the back of my neck, massaging there slowly. My heart beat went faster, so did my breathing.

"So, you changed your mind about Quidditch practice then?" I asked breathlessly and he chuckled

"As if you didn't know I would…"

I tried to control my breathing "I have more important things in my mind than your daily plans, Potter."

"Sure.." he murmured huskily into my ear and I shivered when I felt his lips on my neck

"Just tell me something…" he muttered "Did you agree to come with Zabini to make me jealous?"

"Although everyone around you tells you the contrary, the world doesn't actually revolve around you Harry."

"Really now?"

_Breathe..Breathe…_

"Really." I said, turning to him and he captured my lips with his. My heart was pounding in my ears, and he pushed me against the wall, his lips never leaving mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as the kiss turned more passionate and his hands roamed my body slowly. Now we were both panting, and I was sure that he was thinking the same thing I was thinking… I needed more, God, I needed-I needed to-

He pulled back and I whimpered, opening my eyes, his pupils were dilated and his eyes were clouded with desire. He leaned his forehead against mine and gulped, panting

"Let's go..somewhere." Even I could hear the pleading tone in my voice "Somewhere else. Please…"

He gulped again "W-where?"

"I don't care-just somewhere else…" I felt like all my body was on fire and his eyes fixed on mine

"Tell me you love me then." His voice was hoarse, yet demanding "Tell it, and we'll go straight to Room of Requirement. I swear."

My breath caught in my throat and I just gawked at him. I could feel the panic rising inside and felt a lump in my throat, making it hard for me to gulp.

There was an uncomfortable silence and he took a deep breath, placing another kiss to my lips, but this time it was…well-chaste.

"Not this time then…" he murmured and I frowned

"But-" I managed to say "Why-"

"You don't believe that I love you. Yet anyway." He muttered, brushing my hair off my face again "And- I don't think we should sleep together until you believe me."

"You really have serious-mental problems." I said, blinking dumbly and he chuckled

"Maybe. But if we do it now, you'll slip from my reach afterwards, and I don't think I can bear that." He kissed me again "Come on. We should get back to the party."

With that, he took an another deep breath and walked inside, leaving me there completely dumbfounded.

_Right then. Well, it's a first._

_

* * *

_

**Author's Note 2: So, what do you think? I really need reviews! Anything, your opinions, suggestions, constructive criticism, just tell me please, so that I can improve and also, know that people actually read this story ! : )**


	12. Nothing To Gain, Everything To Lose

**Disclaimer: I only own my OC, everything else belongs to JKR!**

**Review Responses:**

**LaLa-036: Omg, thank you so much! I'm really glad you like my OC :) I'm trying really hard to write the character relatable, so, it's great to hear that people like it lol=)**

**Merenwen Melwasul: Thanks sooo much! And so sorry about the late update =)**

**AnGelFacE S2: Aww, thank youu! It's a bit late, and I'm really sorry =) but I hope you'll like this chapter=)**

* * *

**SARAH'S POV**

He had refused me.

As in…Refused me!

I stood in front of the mirror, watching my reflection. There wasn't anything different…Right? Nothing had changed…

I ran my hand through my hair and tried to tie it up, then gave up and watch it fell onto my shoulders again.

I heaved a deep sigh and crossed my arms as if challenging my reflection. The girl in the mirror gave me a wild glare, her eyebrows were pulled together and she had stuck out her lower lip, pouting. There was this weird, angry light in her eyes.

I tried to ignore the urge to stomp on my foot like a little kid.

What was the problem? What was wrong with him, for Merlin's sake!

I suddenly saw Natalie's reflection behind me, from the mirror and turned around. She seemed a little uncomfortable but I held my chin up

"What happened?"

Her lips curled upwards, but just for one second "Nothing."

"There's something wrong, right? Something-something's not right." Even I could hear the panicked tone in my voice and she tilted her head to the right. Then just shrugged and walked to the door.

And my mouth opened even before my brain had a chance to stop it

"A while is over yet?"

She turned around "What?"

"You said you needed to think for a while. I was wondering if it was over…"

She paused for one second, then shrugged again. I decided not to persist and turn around to look in the mirror again

"Ehm-Sarah?"

My gaze found hers in the mirror "Yeah?"

"There is something wrong. You look…insecure."

_Oh no.._

"Am-am I?"

She nodded "Thought you might need to know." She said and left the room.

_I'm calm..I'm so calm…_

Why the hell had he refused me? !

"Alright.." I said through my clenched teeth "Alright. You just wait…"

I let out a breath, grabbed my make up bag from the table and headed to the bathroom. After half an hour, I walked into the room and looked at my clothes on the bed. I swished my wand, murmuring the spell, and grinned in satisfaction when I saw my skirt had shortened a bit.

"See who you refused Potter.." I murmured as I took off my pyjamas.

* * *

"So, Sarah…How was your date last night?" Astoria asked and I flung my hair over my shoulder, smiling. We were walking towards the Great Hall and I tried to look confident.

"Not bad.." I said "Who would've thought I could have that much fun with Blaise?"

"And the first name basis.." I heard Jane's whisper behind me and I laughed

"But seriously, last night was-"

"Really nice." Someone finished my sentence for me and I turned my head

_Bingo._

"I was just talking about that." I said calmly, looking at Blaise. "I didn't know you were that…hmm…entertaining."

"Maybe there are also some other things you don't know about me."

"Maybe." I said, giving him my provocative smile and turned to the girls

"You go, I'll come later."

They pushed each other and walked away, giggling and whispering

"You seem in good spirits today."

"Mm hm." I said "So..shall we?"

He thrust his arm out and I took it, then we started walking.

This was going way better than I had planned…

"I gotta tell you Sar, you look really good today." He said and I looked down, pretending to be surprised.

_Idiot, as if I didn't see where you were looking at-_

"Am I?"

"Yeah." He said as we entered the Hall. Some murmurs and rumblings reached my ears, and I felt his eyes on me but didn't even give him a glance.

"I can't imagine what they're thinking right now." Blaise said, looking at the Slytherin Table. A lot of people were elbowing each other and whispering..

"Can't you?" I asked, raising my head to look him in the eye "Not a clue?"

He paused for a second "Well…I do, actually.."

"Which is?"

"They're probably thinking that we're together." Even if his voice was calm, I could see his Adam's apple bobbed.

I flashed him a smile and raised my eyebrows

"Who would've thought they had this much of a strong imagination?" I pulled my arm back slowly, and walked to my table, took my spot.

_Flirting with everyone, huh, Harry?_

_You haven't seen anything yet..._

The breakfast went well, and just as finished my meal, Adrian Pucey walked up to me.

"Sarah."

"Adrian." I said, shooting a blaze look at him under my lowered eyelashes He gulped, and I smiled, just like a sweet snake.

"I was just-wondering if you're going to the Hogsmade today."

I tilted my head to the right "Why are you asking?"

"We-I mean Slytherin Quidditch Team- we'll hang out in Three Broomsticks, and… Would you want to join us?"

_Bingo number two._

_I'm so lucky today_…

"Three Broomsticks? With you?" I asked, stealing a glance at Harry over Adrian's shoulder, then looking up at him, twirling a piece of hair around my finger

He breathed out, trying to look cool "Yeah. If you want to, of course."

"When?"

"About…One hour later."

I stopped twirling my hair and ran a finger on my neck, and his glances focused on there.

"Alright." I said "I don't usually hang out in that dump, but..For this time."

He gulped "So, you're coming?"

I smiled and leaned over the table a little, so that my revealing could be seen clearer. I put a hand over my chest, and of course, his eyes lowered for one second, then flicked up to my eyes again.

"Absolutely. Cross my heart."

He winked at me and walked away.

There was an instant uproar

"The whole Quidditch team?"

"Sarah, can I come too? Please?"

"Is Flint there too?"

"Oh God-"

I let out a laugh "You can't all come." I said calmly "Let's see…Astoria, you can come. And umm…Liza, you too. And…" I looked around "Mary, you."

I could see a sour look came over the other girls' faces and sighed

"Oh come on…" I said "We have so much time beyond us. Not everyone can get someone in the Team, but some of you will…"

"What about you, Sarah?" Liza whispered "Who do you want?"

"You'll know when I decide." I said flatly

"And umm…" she gulped "Is Natalie coming also?"

I felt like needles pricked my skin but I clenched my teeth, not showing any emotion

"No, she isn't." I snapped "Would you stop asking stupid questions? You're starting to get on my nerves!"

_God, sometimes even I can't put up with myself…_

* * *

"No no no!" Flint protested "If the bludger didn't-"

"Oh don't blame it on bludger mate!" Bole said "You play pathetic in rainy weather, just admit it!"

"You can't play at all!"

"Oh please, I play amazing.."

"Yeah, and I'm a fairy."

I let out a forced laugh "Guys, come on! You all play amazing, do you really need to hear it?"

"Yeah, it feels good to hear it from you." Flint said

"Oh, is that so?"

"Mm hm."

"What a power I have in here then…" I smiled "Destiny of the whole team lies in my hands… What I would do with this power…"

"What would you do?" Flint asked and I put my index finger on my lips, winking at him

"Shh it's super confidential."

Draco suddenly rose from his chair and went to the bathroom with fast steps. I frowned, looking behind him

"What happened to him?"

"Maybe he went to find out his confidential plan." Adrian said and I smiled, then turned my gaze to Montague, who was having a conversation with Mary.

After couple minutes, I got bored of them and focused my attention on the couple which was sitting in the corner of the cafeteria. I could see the fire burning in Harry's eyes when his gaze met mine but just for one second. Then, he turned to Ginny, who was looking at him adoringly and lowered his head, brushing his lips against hers.

Funny, you'd think I'd have already got used to this. But it still hurt like the first time.

I saw her smiling into the kiss and pulled herself closer to him.

And I suddenly caught myself thinking what it would be like…If I were in his arms right now, instead of Ginny.

I would lose all my power in Slyherin, for sure. Everyone around me would just…leave. My parents would lose their minds, probably disown me. Even if they didn't talk about it, I knew whose side they were on.

And going out with the boy that could probably destroy everything they supported?

I would probably be sent to Beauxbeatons. They wouldn't even talk about me for a couple years, and if I were really lucky, maybe they would let me come back from my banishment after numerous begging letters and couple years.

Maybe.

There was the other side –his side- of the story of course. The people he saw as his family would turn their backs at him. His friends wouldn't even talk to him, ever.

He would hate me the minute we got together.

And probably, even if he couldn't see it right now, he actually loved this running-chasing thing. The excitement. The hunt.

So, I would lose my everything in the end. Including him.

But…There was a but. If he weren't into this chasing, if I hadn't had this reputation-

If we were both different people…I would bee the girl in his arms, instead of Ginny right now. We would probably take a walk before going back to castle. Then we would go to his Common Room to warm up.

Or maybe, we would go straight to the Room of Requirement.

Or maybe we would have a snow ball fight before going back to castle. I hadn't tried it before, -when we had tried it for the first time with Nate, my mom had almost freed our house elf- but it looked…nice.

"Sarah? What happened, you look completely…blanking out?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to Vaisey

"Huh-what?"

"You looked like you were lost in your thoughts or something…" he said laughing

"Give her a rest, Vaisey, maybe she is thinking her party partner."

"My-party partner?"

"Yeah, Blaise?" Adrian said as Draco returned to his seat "I heard that he had never had that much fun before."

Some of the boys chuckled and I smiled calmly

"Really?"

"Yeah, Sarah, maybe you're the girl of his dreams.."

"Poor guy." Someone said across the table

I looked up at Adrian with wide eyes, very picture of innocence "I can't help it if he likes me. The school is filled with guys who like me, but do I encourage them? Of course not."

"Not at all?"

I smiled cattily and leaned over the table "I wouldn't know. Do I encourage _you_, Adrian?"

Someone wolf whistled and everyone burst into laughter. I turned to Draco

"Is there something wrong?"

He looked surprised for one second "What? No.."

I shrugged slightly and he smirked

"What happened, have I made you worry?"

I bit back the words on the tip of my tongue

_Slow down, Sarah…You're in Natalie's terrority.._

I shrugged again and took a sip, looking out of the window. Biting my lip, I grabbed my coat

"Sarah? What's going on?"

"I'll take a walk." I said curtly

"Someone should come with you, don't go outside alone." Draco said and I smiled

"What happened Draco, have I made you worry?"

_Oh, bloody hell…stop it!_

Draco gave me his infamous smirk "Maybe."

_I really feel like the meaning of the word 'slut' right now..._

"No need, I'll be alright." I said quickly "I'll be back couple minutes later." I walked out of the pub and inhaled the sharp, cold wind for one minute. Then, sticking my hands into my pockets, took slow, very slow steps, enjoying the feeling. It was so…peaceful.

I wandered in the empty streets for couple minutes and finally, sat under a tree whose branches were hanging down from the weight of the snow on them. I hesitated for one second, then lay on my back, on the snow covered ground, feeling the snow flakes on my face.

When was the last time I had done this? I must've been…five or something.

I started murmuring a song Nate had taught me when I was a child. I wondered how he was right now… Was he happy with Francis?

Was he even worried? Of course, he had told me he would have nowhere to go if anyone found out but…

Why had I sensed a relief in his voice? It was like he was thinking if he lost the things he had, he could be..completely himself…

Nonsense, of course. We were the Beckingham family. None of us could be completely ourselves…

"Trying to turn into a real ice queen?"

I opened my eyes as I heard the voice

"Hi Natalie…" I said, looking up at the girl who was watching me. She tilted her head, giving me a confused look

"What are you doing?"

I moved my arms on the ground "Lying down."

"I can see _that_. Why?"

"I felt like it." I said, closing my eyes and felt her lying down beside me

"Is 'a while' over?"

She sighed "I want to talk to you."

I opened my eyes, but didn't look at her. Instead, I just kept my gaze on the clouds

"I think I know what it is about."

She cleared her throat "Sarah, you're…you've been my sister for a long time. And-I can't lose someone from my family over some boy." She took a deep breath "I'm trying to say that- over 10 years, you've always been on my side and Malfoy, or some other boy is- is not worth to lose this bond. And I'm sorry. I couldn't think clear couple days ago, but I can right now."

I gulped "I understand." I said slowly "And you're my sister too. You could never lose me Natalie." I bit my lip "And there's nothing to forgive. I forgot it already."

She let out a shaking laugh "Good."

I smiled "Yeah.."

For one or two minutes we watched the snow fall upon us and I sat up

"Natalie?"

"Hm?"

"Malfoy may not be worth it, but I promise you, you _will_ have him."

"Sar-"

"It's personal now.." I said, laughing and I got up "Come on, we're going."

"Where?"

"You just come with me." I said, pulling her from her hand and making her stand up. I hung my arm over her shoulder

"Will you tell me where we're going?"

"Surprise.." I giggled and we headed to the pub

"Three Broomsticks?" she asked, puzzled and I opened the door, dragging her into there with me. We walked to the familiar crowd, sat around the table and everyone's heads turned to look at us

"Look who I've found.." I said, pushing Natalie into my chair, which was beside Draco's chair "So, gentlemen? Which one of you will buy us a Butterbeer?"

* * *

When we went back to the castle, everyone was whispering and running to some places.

"What's going on?" I asked to Natalie but she just shrugged

"I have no idea.."

"Hey!" I stopped a girl who I'd seen in the Common Room couple times "What's going on?"

"Katie Bell has been cursed in the Hogsmade Sarah, everyone's talking about it."

"What? Who is Katie Bell anyway?"

"A girl from Gryffindor." She said quickly "They took her to the Hospital Wing, people say some Healers from St Mungo will come here."

I frowned and nodded slowly, and she walked away. I turned to Natalie

"Interesting…" I murmured and she crossed her arms

"Indeed it is." She said quietly "Who would even do that?"

"I don't have any slightest idea." I said "Come on, I'm freezing. We should go to the Great Hall."

Even in the dinner, everyone was talking about that Bell girl and after spending half an hour with listening everyone's theories about how it happened, I went to the library. I was really bored, the dormitory was surely going to be loud and I needed some silence.

And time alone.

I reached a shelf over my head, pulling a book from there and just when I turned my back, I stopped the shriek almost escaped from my lips. Harry had leaned his back against a shelf, watching me.

"Forgot to wear your skirt, love?"

I shot him a murderous glare and put the book back into shelf, then crossed my arms "What do you want?"

He clenched his teeth, and took a deep breath as if he was trying to calm himself down. He walked towards me and rested his hand on the shelf which I was resting my head on "Had fun today?"

Although the tone of his voice had given me goosebumps, I forced myself to smirk sassily

"Not as much as you, I guess." I said "So, is she a good kisser?" my smile widened when I saw his glare "I mean, seriously. On the scale from one to ten-" I was cut off when he punched the shelf next to my head

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" I whispered furiously and he looked at me, his eyes darkening

"If..." he said sharply " I see you, making oggly eyes at those guys or making any puns again… I'll be able to rate how Ginny is in the bed, Sarah."

For one second, I didn't get what he had said.

And as soon as I did, I shoved him

"I beg your pardon?" I growled through my teeth, was he saying what I thought he was saying?

"You've heard me." He said icily and it took me few seconds to be able to form a sentence again

"You don't treat me like that-"

"No_, you_ don't treat me like that!"

"Oh, what if I do?" I growled "Come on. What will you do? You touch her, and I swear, I'll sleep with every guy in the team-" I pushed him, but he grabbed my wrist and slammed my back against the shelf.

I held my breath and before I could even think, my hand pulled my wand from my pocket

"Everte Statum!"

His body flew through the air with the force of my spell and slammed against a shelf, breaking it, but before I could even breath out, he was on his feet , his wand in his hand

"Don't make me hurt you, Sar."

"Like I said. Try me. Flipen-"

"Protego!"

Bef ore I could even say the spell, he had blocked it already, thanks to his duelling skills. I stumbled back as the shadow of my own spell hit me.

"Incarcerous!" the ropes which appared out of nowhere wrapped around my hands. Idiot, wasn't even attacking me, just trying to stop me-

"Diffindo!" the ropes around me ripped into parts and I smirked, then swished my wand

"Impedimenta!"

He dodged in the last second and the shelf behind him smashed to smithereens

"Expelli-"

"ENOUGH!" someone screamed and we were both knocked over bacwards. Madam Pince was holding her wand pointed at us, panting. She was shooting daggers at us, and when she saw the broken shelves, scattered books around us, I thought she would cast an Avada Kedavra on us.

"How dare you! Both of you! This is a library, not a duel club!"

I got on my feet with a great difficulty, rubbing my hurt wrist

"Madam-"

"I don't care what your excuse is!" she screeched "This will go down on your perminant record! And both of your Heads of Houses will know about this!"

I shrugged slightly. What a-

"I hope neither of you were planning on having any free time soon." She said, after taking a deep breath "Detention. Both of you."

"Alright." Harry said a little too quickly

My head snapped up "What? It's just some shelves, you can surely-"

She raised her hand, signaling me to shut up "Miss Beckingham-"

"I'm not sharing a detention with him!"

"Oh yes, you are." She said "Until I say otherwise. Now get out. I expect both of you to be here or else, your detention will last for the rest of the semester."

I gritted my teeth but stayed silent, and Madam Pince gave us a one last glare, then walked to her spot. I grabbed my bag and walked past Harry, heading to my tower quickly.

Another detention with him…

Just bloody brilliant.

* * *

**A. N : Please tell me your opinions! I can't improve unless you tell me what I'm doing wrong, people! So, please review and tell me what you think! Ideas, constructive criticism, anything!**


	13. Lie To Me

**Author's Note: Whoa, thanks sooo much for the reviews! I know it's a bit late, sorry=) anyway, review responses are at the end;)**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, I only own my OCs=)**

**PS: Thanks again to my wonderful beta, mystrymoviebrunette ;) **

**SARAH'S POV**

"You're crazy, you know that, right?"

I shrugged, lying on the couch and watching the fireplace.

"You've been in a duel with Harry Potter! _The_ Harry Potter!" Natalie exclaimed. "As in the boy who had been in a duel with Dark Lord! I'm surprised you're still alive you idiot!"

I raised my head to look at her and rolled my eyes.

"Just exaggerate, will you?"

She grabbed the pillow beside her and threw it at my head. Unfortunately for me, her aim was pretty good, so it hit me right in the face.

"Hey!" I said. "Before I attack you, go and tell Flint that you want to try out for the Chaser, because-"

"Sarah!" she exclaimed and I chuckled.

"What?"

"Have you lost your mind?"

"I think I already answered that question." I smirked. "What do you want me to say, Natalie? He pissed me off, I attacked him, and ended up having a detention with him."

"Again." she said in a witty tone and I could almost feel my face whitening.

"Excuse me?"

"You had an another detention with him before, remember? Months ago?"

I clenched my teeth but forced myself to look calm.

"Yeah. I completely forgot about it."

She smiled. "Why did you attack him again?"

I pursed my lips, trying to find a convincing lie. "I-ummm…Well, he was talking about how we all Slytherins were brainless puppets, future followers of Dark Lord, so…"

She fell silent, pulling her knees to her chest at the foot of the couch.

" Isn't it true, though?" she asked inaudibly and I sat up straight.

"What?"

"I mean, someday, we may have to fight against Mudbloods and Blood Traitors. If our families want us to do it. We may end up having to pick a side. And you and I both know whose side we will be on," she said slowly. "Doesn't it make us puppets?"

I gulped, an image flashing before my eyes. Me dueling with Harry, in the middle of battle.

I shook my head, suddenly feeling cold. "Yeah." I said, "maybe it does. But that doesn't give anyone the right to tell us the truth."

She let out a dry chuckle, and cleared her throat, trying to change the subject.

"So…" she said. "Well, look from the bright side. At least he is good looking."

My head shot up. "I beg your pardon?"

"I mean, aside from the fact that he is Saint Potter, not pureblood, and the archenemy of the Dark Lord… he is quite attractive, don't you think?"

A weird feeling appared in my stomach, like a fist, clutching it

"Yeah well… don't let Draco hear you said that," I said just as someone climbed through the portrait.

"Mary?" I called out and she turned her head, then walked over to us swiftly.

"Yeah, Sarah?"

"I need you to do something." I said, winking at Natalie. "Well, you and some other girls you will choose, actually."

She seemed surprised. "Erm-what is it?"

"You know how I always know my enemies' weaknesses?" I asked to Natalie, and she nodded.

"Yeah well. Great. I need you to find out everything about Harry Potter, and Ginny Weasley." I said, turning my gaze to Mary. I could read her confused expression and giggled.

"Wh-how?"

"Sarah, what are you up to?" Natalie asked, and I just shrugged.

"I'm learning everything about him… So, Mary, you will learn everything about their relationship, anything, even the most insignificant detail, and then, you'll inform me. Wherever they go, whatever they do, I'll know. Find some people from Gryffindor as well, I want to know what they're doing in the Tower. Got it?"

She nodded and gulped "Al-alright."

"Great. Thank you." I said and she left the Common Room, running up to the dormitories.

"Seriously?" Natalie said. "What, you think his weakness is her-Weasel?"

My lips curled upwards. No, his weakness was me, but I still needed to know everything about them.

Especially if they... ever slept together.

"Nope, I'm just investing for the future." I said, smirking. "Think about it; Harry Potter's private life. It'll be interesting."

She rolled her eyes.

"What, we were getting bored anyway!" I said. "It should be fun."

"You're seriously unbelievable." She said. "I would hate you if you weren't my best friend, you know that, right?"

I giggled and threw her a pillow.

"Missed!"

"Shut up."

* * *

"Oi, Sarah!"

I turned around to see who was calling my name, and as soon as I did, I shifted my weight uncomfortably.

"Yes, Draco?"

"I've just heard your duel with Potter." He said in a serious expression. "Good job."

"Yeah, a good job that earned me a detention." I muttered.

He smirked slightly. "Yeah. Sorry about that."

"Well, it's not your fault that he is a prat." I just shrugged and made a move to leave but he held my arm.

Wait a sec-what the hell-?

"He-he didn't hurt you, did he?" he asked in an undertone and I looked up at him, confused. Harry would _hurt_ me? Idiot, even when I was attacking him, he had just tried to stop me, no curses, nothing…

And besides, what was it to Draco anyway?

"Saint Potter, jinxing a girl?" I batted my lashes. "No way. He couldn't even do it if he wanted to."

He smiled. "Good…"

I slowly pulled my arm back.

"I should get going." I said slowly. "You know. The detention."

"Oh, right." He said, taking a step back. "Right. See you later Sar."

I nodded and turned around, started walking.

When I entered library, Harry was already there. I put my bag on the chair, without giving him a glance and Madame Pince walked over to us, started rambling about what we were supposed to do.

Even I couldn't imagine that he looked pretty good. His tie was loose–-as usual-and he had rolled his shirtsleeves up, crossed his arms over his chest, which made him look even more-

Merlin, do I hate my hormones…

Madame Pince stopped her harangue–-finally- gave us the key and left the library, closing the door behind her. I tied my hair up and took off my jacket, then started picking up the books on the tables. I began to pile them on one desk and place them into their right places as Madame Pince had ordered.

He cleared his throat. "Sarah-can we talk?"

Silence.

"What a deja vu…" he muttered under his breath and I tried to take more books into my arms, but suddenly it felt too heavy. I almost dropped them all, but Harry took them from my arms with one move, placing them on the desk.

"Sarah-"

"I have a headache, would you just shut up?" I snapped, walking to the other desks.

"Just listen-"

"Go to your red head." I growled through my teeth. "I'll handle this. There's nothing I wouldn't do to get you out of my sight right now."

"Oh come on, you do know I just said it out of anger!" he said. "You weren't saying nice things either!"

"Well, you started it!" I said, and then shut my eyes, letting out a breath.

"I will not argue about this." My voice was calm now. "You have Ginny, and I have-" I paused, and his head shot up.

"You have what?" he asked sharply and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not in mood for another duel." I said, putting the books in my hands on the table. "Is there any left?"

"You have what?"

"Oh, for the love of God, Harry!" I said impatiently. "Leave me alone!"

"Sarah, I will not sleep with Ginny for heaven's sake! I would've done it ages ago if I was going to!"

"I don't know if you did it, and I certainly don't care." I said in a flat tone and he paused.

"Do they teach you this tone in Slytherin?"

I raised my head and arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"It's just that-all Slytherins can do this cold voice and raising an eyebrow thing when they want. What, Snape is giving you private lessons about it in Common Room?"

I gave him a scornful glare and opened a book.

"I think we should group these first…" I said, pulling the book to me. When he reached out to hold my hand, I pulled it back quickly.

"Don't." I said through my teeth. "I don't want you touching me right now."

"Sar-"

"You hurt my wrist." I said firmly and his gaze lowered to my wrist, them flicked up to my face.

"I-hurt you?" his voice was hoarse, as if he couldn't even stand the idea.

Ehm-again, no actually. Practically, Madame Pince had knocked us both backwards and I had sprained it when I fell, but..

It was because of him in the first place, so…

"Yes." I said, emphasizing the word. "You did." I took the book and walked among shelves, trying to find its place. He seemed frozen for one second, but then, rushed behind me.

"I didn't mean-"

"Yeah, right." I said, whirling around to look him in the eye. "You didn't mean to say those, you didn't mean to kiss her, you didn't mean to hurt me… Come on. Pick one. It's not like it'll be something I haven't heard before."

He took a breath through his teeth. "Sarah, what is your problem?"

"My problem?"

"Yes! One second you pull me closer, the next second you just-push me away! That night in the party, everything was alright and so, but the next day, you were playing the seductress, making the whole male population in the school to fantasize after you!"

"Because you refused me!" Before I could stop, the words had already passed my lips. He paused when he heard me and his expression turned into a confused one.

"Wait-what?"

"Nothing." I said quickly, putting the book into the shelf then walking towards the table again.

"You did all those because you felt refused?" His voice was a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

I clenched my teeth and brushed my hair off my face.

"Sarah..."

"What?" I whirled around. "What do you want me to say?"

""Are you-serious?" he chuckled and I gulped.

"I'm glad you find this amusing…" I said through my teeth and he looked at me with his eyebrows raised.

"You're like a child, you know that right?"

I tried to keep myself from stomping on my foot and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I'm not!" I said "You-you refused me! You said-"

"I know what I said, Sarah." He said patiently. "But-" he let out an another chuckle. "God, what do you think you were doing? Some kind of retribution?"

I just shrugged. "No. Not a retribution. I was merely reminding you what can happen in any time."

His smile faded away and he shook his head. "Will I ever have a conversation which doesn't involve a threat with you?"

My lips curled upwards. "No."

He took a step towards me, coming closer but just when he reached out to touch my hair, I took a step back.

"Love?"

"Time to taste your own medicine Potter." I said, still smiling, and started walking towards the shelves again. "Less snogging, more working. Come on."

* * *

**A.N 2: Please review and tell me what you think! ****I really want to hear y********our opinions, constructive criticism, ideas, comments, anything!**

**Review Responses:**

**Crazy-Obsessed-Potter-Chick: Thanks so so much=) it's great to hear that you like it;))) I hope you liked this chapter as well=)**

**MicHa3l . Ang3Lo: Thanks so much for your umm statement lol:) well, I think Harry has a lot anger in him more than he shows, so I didn't think it was OOC, but if it's disturbing you, I'll put a warning into the summary =) **

**Ariauna: Heheh, I love jealous Harry too, he is really hot;) **

**addicted2book96: Oh my god, you have no idea how much it means to me! thanks sooooo much! oh, and also, thanks so much for your suggestion, I tend to use _"the"_ a little too much in the stories=) and hey, I'm glad you like the characters;)**

**bzyku92: Thank you! this update was a bit late, so, sorry about it=) I hope you liked the chapter!**

**prinesaangelbabe: heheh, their relationship is a bit...tense :P but it's so fun to write them fighting!:D**


	14. I'm The Best At Ruining My Life

**Author's Note: Here's the new one! I hope you all will like it;) don't forget to review!  
****(Review responses are at the end of the chapter;))  
PS: Special thanks go to my wonderful beta, mystrymoviebrunette! This chapter was a mess before she edited it and gave me great ideas! **

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, I only own my OC's!=)**

**SARAH'S POV**

Natalie, Beth, and I were sitting under a tree together after classes. I was lost in my thoughts while half-listening Beth's blabbering about some boy.

"...and then, he smiled at me! But since Professor Snape was there, he couldn't say anything, but whenever I turned my head, I saw he was looking at me! He avoided my gaze though. And he kind of blushed... do you think he likes me?"

Natalie let out a laugh. "Well… looks like it."

Beth's face was tomato red now. "Really?"

Natalie shrugged. "Yeah. What do you think, Sarah?"

"Huh?" I turned my head. "What?"

Beth pulled a long face. "Thanks for listening."

I smiled and ruffled her hair. "Shut up kiddo. And to answer your question, it seems like he likes you."

She smiled right away. She had been always like that, no hard feelings for anyone, anytime…

"You-you sure?"

"I think so. But aren't you a little… too young to have a boyfriend?"

She rolled her eyes. "Means a lot when it comes from you."

Natalie burst into a laughter. "Touché."

"Hey! Not 'touché' at all!"

Beth giggled and checked her watch. "I'd better go, my class is about to start." She got on her feet. "See you later!"

"Yeap, later."

She ran off towards the castle and I turned my head to look at Natalie.

"We should be on our way as well," she said. We both stood up, then we started walking towards the castle.

"I can't believe you just told her she's too young."

"She's eleven, hello?"

"And she didn't say she was going to get married, Sar." Natalie laughed as we entered the castle.

"Maybe, but she won't be dating anyone until she's… I don't know ... so, _so_ much older."

"You know what, I'm _so_ on Beth's side on this," she said. "Hypocrite."

"Hey!" I poked her. "Thank you, you back stabber."

"Sarah, guys have been around you since you were… what, thirteen?"

"That's why I don't want her to have a boyfriend." I grumbled. "Guys are evil."

She giggled "Double hypocrite."

"Oh, you know what-" I was cut off when Mary approached us, trying to catch her breath, clutching her chest.

"Sa-rah-it's-it's-"

"Mary, breathe," I said as she took a deep breath.

"I've been looking for you everywhere," she said quickly. "You have no idea what happened!"

I flicked an eyebrow. "What?"

"You wanted me to find an information about-"

"Shh!" I whispered quickly. "Have you lost your mind? Keep your voice low!"

Glancing around to see if anyone had noticed her outburst, I dragged her into an another corridor and she bit her lip, giving a glance at Natalie, which she returned calmly.

"You can say it in front of her," I said quickly. "What happened?"

She gulped. "Alright, I have some... friends in Gryffindor, and they told me… well…"

"Spit it out already!"

"Well, last night Potter and Weasley got into a really big argument. Some girls in the dormitory even said she was on the verge of tears."

I tried to control my expression and bit my tongue not to smile. They had an argument?

_Don't smile. Don't smile…_

"Did they know what it's about?" I asked, and that was when she avoided my gaze. I frowned.

"Mary?"

"It's-I don't know how to say this…"

"What?" I insisted. "Mary, come on!"

"Well, no one is sure, of course, but… A girl said it was because he kind of… well when Potter and Weasley were doing… things-"

My heart started beating in my throat.

Things?

What _things_?

"Ehm, he…"

"Tell it Mary, or Merlin help me-"

"They say that he had said your name in bed."

My breath caught in my throat and Natalie gasped beside me. I could almost feel every muscle in my body locked tight and my hands covered my mouth.

"What?" I whispered disbelievingly.

Idiot...

That bloody idiot!

My head started spinning but I forced my expression to stay stony.

"What do you mean, he said my name?" I let out a forced laugh. "Is this a joke?"

She gulped. "No, it's…it's true."

I shook my head, pretending to be angry.

"Little pervert! I would never-ever-ugh, it's sick!"

Mary nodded fervently. "Yeah, of course!"

I let out an another chuckle and turned to Natalie. "Can you believe it?"

Her eyes narrowed and she shook her head. "No… really it's... unbelievable. Blimey..." she turned her head to look at Mary. "Can I speak with her alone, Mary?"

"Yeah, sure," she said and whirled around, walking away as fast as she could.

"I seriously can't-"

"What do you think you're doing?" Natalie cut me off with an angry whisper. "Have you gone crazy, Sarah?"

I pretended to be surprised. "What? What did I do?"

She held my arm tightly. "Don't give me that, Sarah. Harry Potter? Are you stupid?"

I yanked my arm back. "I didn't do anything! There's nothing I can do if he is delusional!"

"I'm not one of those idiots around you," she reminded me. "How long has it been happening?"

"Nothing is happening!" I said. "I swear, Natalie!"

"He _moaned_ your name in bed, Sarah!"

"Then it's his perverted mind, it has nothing to do with me!"

_Please believe it, God, please let her belive it-_

"God, it's…" she ran a hand through her hair. "I thought you were smart! What will happen when your parents find out? Huh? Your little affair-"

"I don't have any affair!" my voice went highpitched as the panic crashed down on me. "Natalie, please trust me! I'm not that stupid! Having an affair with Potter? It'd be signing my own death sentence for Merlin's sake!"

She just shook her head and I clenched my teeth, thinking about my strategy. Maybe I was doing something wrong...

Time to get the waterworks start…

I gulped. "Natalie, I swear on everything, everything, what can I do to make you trust me!" I made my voice crack and I bowed my head, pretending to hide the tears. "Just please believe me, I'd trust you if it were you…"

My one hand went up to rub my eyes and I sniffed, praying she would buy it.

"First Malfoy thing, then this! When will you ever listen to me, and especially when it's-" I let out a shaking breath. "I need my best friend right now. And I'm telling you it's not true, isn't this enough for you to believe it? My word?"

I almost felt her hesitation.

Good.

"Oh Merlin…" she muttered. "It's not about me believing it, Sarah! Gossip this big will be-everyone will be talking about it until dinner!"

That was when I really panicked. I was so focused on making her believe that I hadn't even thought about the rest of the school. Tears of my fear filled my eyes, this time it wasn't fake...

"What-what will I do?" I whispered to myself and Natalie let out a breath.

"Sarah, look into my eyes and tell me the truth. Is there anything between you and Potter? I swear, if there is, I'll help you, I won't judge, or anything like that. Just truth. Tell me."

Suddenly, the thought of telling her felt so tempting. She would get mad, of course, but I knew she would also approve deep down. She would be even happy. That hopeless romantic part of her would just love the idea...

And I knew I could trust her. This secret was suffocating me, I needed someone to share this burden, to help me-

But…

I raised my head and looked her in the eyes.

"No. There isn't. I swear."

She rubbed her face.

"Alright…" she muttered. "Alright… fine, but how will we make the rest of the school believe it?"

I hugged myself, blinking back the tears.

"I don't know…" I whispered. "I just don't know."

* * *

I needed to talk to him.

For Merlin's sake, I just needed to see him!

But I couldn't. Of course I couldn't.

Now that the whole school was watching us, it wasn't the right time. It was too dangerous, and too-

Stupid.

Psh. As if this whole thing hadn't been stupid from the beginning.

Everywhere I stepped into, every corner I turned, people started whispering. This gossip was spreading like a disease among all students, unstoppable and-

Deathly for me.

Suddenly Natalie held my arm tightly and crew behind me started whispering again.

"What?" I whispered at Natalie and she looked at me.

"Ginny Weasley is coming."

I rolled my eyes. "So what? It's not my fault that she can't satisfy him-"

"Shh!"

"And certainly isn't my fault that her boyfriend fantasizes about girls other than her." I let out a laugh and yanked my arm back. Redhead gave me a glare which I returned with a smirk as she walked past me.

"Would you calm down?" I muttered at Natalie. "All this-"

"Hey, Beckingham!" Weasley's voice rang behind me and suddenly, my stomach flipped.

_Calm down…_

I turned to her and people held their breath. "What, Weasel?"

She took a threatening step towards me and I smirked.

"I invented that cold bitch glare, sweetheart, it doesn't work on me."

She gritted her teeth. "Whatever you're doing, you will stop."

"I'm not doing anything," I said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Ask your boyfriend if you want... Oh wait." I sneered. "Don't..."

She whipped out her wand but I just arched an eyebrow, cleared my throat, then, giving a glance towards my crew, I nodded at Ginny.

All of them, including Natalie whipped out their wands, pointed at her.

"You were saying?" I said in an innocent tone and she pointed the tip of her wand to my chest.

"I'm really starting to get bored," I said, but she just shook her head.

"You're just a spoiled, snotty brat, who is nothing without her stupid so-called admirers, Beckingham. But let me tell you something, Harry, is not one of them. He hates you, hates everything you stand for. So wipe that smirk off your face, because my boyfriend is not one of your boy toys."

I widened my eyes innocently and nodded fervently.

"Absolutely. Of course. But, I have one question, Red. Did you tell this to your boyfriend as well when he was moaning my name?"

Her hand holding her wand clenched.

"And for my boy toys…" I lowered my voice. "At least I knew what to do, I knew how to make them moan '_my_' name. You, on the other hand…" I tilted my head to the right and she came a step closer, so that I could hear her whispering.

"I bet you made the half of the school moan your name. Everyone in the school knows what all the boys use you for." She muttered, and I could practically hear her smile. "Just some girl who's always up for a shag."

The anger hit me, numbed my brain, disappeared all my thoughts. I grabbed her arm before she could pull back, tightening my grip

"Maybe you're too naive to understand, but trust me when I say, they're not using me, Weasel, I'm using _them_. These little boys do what I say, how I say it, when I say to do it." I giggled "And if yours just so happens to have been caught in the crosshairs, I am just _ever_ so sorry, but let it be a reminder not to pester me, because I take whatever I want…" I dropped my voice into a low, poisinous murmur "And I can and will take what you have, and play with him just for the pleasure of seeing that look on your face."

_Hah, take that little blood traitor!_

I actually half expected her to throw me a curse, but she wasn't stupid. She knew what the whole school would hear; two girls fighting over Potter.

She yanked her arm back and walked away, I on the other hand, let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"I want her dead Natalie." I muttered "She humiliated me. I want her ruined!"

"We'll take care of it later, now is not the time." She warned through her teeth. I took a deep breath, wore a smile and turned to girls, then let out a forced laugh.

"Some girls seriously…"

They let out hesitating giggles and we entered the Great Hall. I was still shaking with anger, but forced myself to look calm and took my spot, then Blaise sat next to me.

"Well well… If it isn't Potter's secret girl.."

I burst into a laughter "What can I say? I'm flattered- well, wrong word of choice. I'm disgusted."

"Yeah well, at least we now know Saint Potter isn't that sainted." Natalie piped up and Draco chuckled.

"Anyone wanna guess what Weasel was doing when he said Sarah's name?"

I groaned. "No, thank you. I'm trying to eat."

"Oh come on, Sarah, it'll be fun!"

"No no no…" I shook my head and Blaise sighed.

"You know what's really funny? Some people think that you really have an affair with him."

I was just drinking my pumpkin juice but started coughing, then took a deep breath.

"Shut up!"

"I'm serious!" he insisted. "Huh. In Potter's dreams…"

"Or fantasies."

"Can we just... change the subject please?"

Blaise started talking about the last Quidditch match, and I turned my head-

A shiver went down my spine as I looked at him. That stupid red head was seated next to him, buried her face into his neck and he was playing with her hair, muttering things into her ear.

What was still I fighting for? No matter what I did, Ginny would always be one step ahead of me, she had him, to begin with….

Everyone thought that I won. Indeed, I had won that little cat fight, but-

But why was it, that even though I had beaten Weasley, I still felt like I had lost?

* * *

**A.N 2: Please review and tell me what you think! ****I really need y********our opinions, constructive criticism, ideas, comments, anything!**

**Review Responses: **

**Crazy-Obsessed-Potter-Chick: Heheh, yeap, does have a childish spoilt side:) and Draco and Harry...let's say Harry will hate him even more;)**

**Ariauna: I knoww, I update so late...:( but I'll try to be faster, promise=) Sarah and Draco interactions...well, it'll be fun;)**

**ThisLooksLikeAJobForMe: Yay! I'll take it as you liked it? Lol :P**

**AquamarineCherryblossom: Omg, thank you so so much:) I'm glad you like it!;)**

**addicted2books96: Nope, I still have so many plans in my mind, I haven't given up on the story lol:) I like Sarah's childish side, it's fun=)**

**beba78: Yayyy, thank you soooo much!=) things will get complicated in the next chapters;)**

**sianfaythe: Ehm, me too:P Lol:) but seriously, you'll get so much drama as the story goes;)**

**lameass35: Omg, thank youu! And yayy, that's what I'm trying to do! I want people to get excited as they read;) I hope I don't mess it up lol:P**


	15. What Is And What Should Never Be

**A.N: Wow, I write fast these days:P I hope you all will like it! And please don't forget to review!**

**Review responses are at the end of the chapter;))  
PS: Special thanks go to my amazing beta, mystrymoviebrunette! **

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, I only own my OC's!=)**

**SARAH'S POV**

I was having a really good dream in which Weasel was being choked by her own hair. But of course, Natalie just had to interrupt it.

"Sarah, are you planning to get up sometime this week?"

I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. "Why?"

"Because it's already noon, and you're still in the bed! Get up!"

Remind me again why she's my best friend, please?

Well, other than the fact that she's the only person who can put up with me?

"It's weekend for Merlin's sake!" I groaned again and she jumped onto bed, pulling the covers off.

"Get up!"

"Go away!"

"I've heard that too much sleeping causes people to gain weight."

I opened an eye and she smirked

"Now you're awake, aren't you, little home wrecker?"

I sighed and sat up straight, rubbing my eyes, waving goodbye to my sweet sleep. "Home wrecker?"

"Yeap," she nodded. "Actually, I'm still trying to decide between 'home wrecker' or 'scarlet woman' but…"

"Here's my best friend, ladies and gentleman…" I muttered and looked around. "Hey, where is everyone?"

"Outside, in Hogsmeade, some are in common room…" she trailed off. "Not everybody is lazy like some of us."

I shrugged, yawning and she rolled onto her stomach, resting her chin on her fists. "So, our little 'bad girl gone even worse'? What are we doing today?"

"Okay, what's with the names?" I said, folding my legs underneath me and she arched an eyebrow.

"Hello? Your little fight with Weasel?" she said, getting progressively bitchier with each syllable. "'I will take your boyfriend and play with him just because I want to?'"

I rolled my eyes. "That was just a threat, Natalie."

"Apparently…" she laughed. "But tell me something... Potter probably heard about what you said... What are you gonna do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you have this library detention with him tonight, don't you? What will you do if he asks you why you said all those?"

"Then I'll ask him why he moaned my name in bed," I said, smirking and she sighed.

"What if he proclaims his undying love for you on bended knee then and there? Hm?"

I started to laugh and picked up my pillow, hitting her with it. "Then I'll jump on his bones and shout, 'Take me Harry, take me! Show me your Chosen wand! Bless me with your magical-'"

She giggled and reached out to take another pillow, hitting back. "The Boy Who Lived, defrosting the Slytherin Ice Queen! If it wouldn't be an affair to remember…!"

* * *

I might really change my mind about being in a peaceful place.

Well, I used to think 'peaceful' was almost the same thing as 'boring.' But now... sitting under the tree with my eyes closed in a complete silence felt... nice. Not boring at all.

And it did help me to suppress my anger towards that sodding Gryffindor. Trying not to think about what he was doing with her when he had said my name, I sighed, listening to the birds tweeting.

"I can't decide whether to pray it's more gossip or beg you to tell me it's true."

I opened my eyes to see Beth, standing in front of me with her arms crossed.

"You might want to speak more clearly than that."

She rolled her big blue eyes and sat beside me and Natalie. "The gossip about you and Potter?"

I shut my eyes for a second, then opened them again. "You too?"

Seriously, it was getting annoying. Too much annoying for my taste.

"If he said your name in bed-"

"Hey, hey HEY!" I cut her off. "Beth, aren't you a little young to know things like that?"

She raised her brows. "Sarah, I'm eleven."

I shook my head, letting out a long breath. "I knew Nate gave you too much information when we had _that_ talk with you… I just knew it."

Natalie started laughing. "I forgot about that. It was fun..."

"It wasn't for me," Beth said grumpily. "And is that true?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" I said.

"Are you trying to get him?"

"Beth!"

"I mean, you must already have an effect on him if he says your name in-"

"I'm not listening to you!"

She heaved a deep sigh and turned to Natalie. "Sometimes, I really wonder which one of us is actually the elder sister."

"Join the club," she muttered and I frowned.

"Alright Miss Ravenclaw, it's probably just gossip," I said. "Happy?"

"I don't know," she said and I gave her a confused look.

"What? Why?"

She shrugged. "If you were having a thing with him, it would probably mean something to you… and it would be a nice change, seeing you in a happy, real relationship with someone you cared."

A laughter I couldn't stop escaped from my lips. My relationship with Harry was everything but happy.

"I wouldn't have a relationship with a half blood," I said almost mechanically. "Especially with Potter."

"Why, because mum and dad wouldn't approve?" her voice was daring and I gritted my teeth.

"No, because he would cause me to lose everything I have," I said, looking her in the eye. "And you do know that."

She blinked. "So it's the only reason?"

"No, but this one alone is enough for me," I said calmly, closing my eyes again. "Would you want me to list other reasons? I actually have a list, going from A to Z."

Natalie giggled and Beth sighed again. "No thanks. I have Charms in couple minutes, so… see you two later!"

"Yeah, see you!"

I heard Natalie's pawing through her bag. "Do you have a quill?"

"Yeah..." I opened my eyes. "Why?"

"I just realized I need to add something to my Potions essay," she said and I reached out to take my bag, then gave the quill to her.

"Thanks," she said and I turned my head.

As soon as I did, I gulped. Granger had stopped on her tracks, staring at me as if she was trying to see something different. The look on her face was… curious, and doubtful, as if she was trying to find an answer to a difficult question.

I could practically see the question:

_Would Harry do something like that?_

I clenched my teeth, and looked back at her daringly. I was being ridiculous. Even Granger couldn't be that clever.

Could she?

I could feel my heart beat going faster but gulped again and raised an eyebrow, giving her one of my coldest glares. She paused for a second, then gripped the books in her hands tighter and turned around, walking into the castle with fast steps. I shook my head, trying to shake off the thoughts.

"What happened?"

I raised my head to look at Natalie.

"Nothing." I said after couple seconds. "Absolutely nothing."

* * *

After dinner, I went to the dormitory to spend some time alone. After almost one hour, I got up from the bed, took a quick shower, changed and left the bathroom. Couple girls were giggling on the bed and whispering, but they went silent when they saw me. Daphne, on the other hand, wore a sly smile as she looked at me.

"What?" I asked rudely and she bit her lip.

"Nothing, Sarah.." she said calmly. "We were just talking about Potter. Weird, huh?"

An uncomfortable feeling appeared in my stomach, but my expression didn't change.

"Why would it be weird?" I asked as I cast a quick drying spell on my hair and she got up from the bed.

"No, I mean, him saying your name in bed… odd, isn't it?"

My eyes narrowed as I looked at her reflection in the mirror and shrugged.

"Not so much..." I said sweetly. "It just shows that he's not that different from the other blokes in this school. Pathetic, if you ask me."

I could see that the look in her eyes had changed when I turned around. She crossed her arms.

"Yeah..." she sneered. "Another victim. Poor guy."

I clenched my teeth, forcing myself to stay calm.

"What can I say, Daph?" I said in a sweet voice. "Some women are desired…" I eyed her. "Some are not."

She arched an eyebrow, the exact reflection of me and I smiled as I walked past her, heading downstairs. I pushed open the portrait, and skidded down the hallway, then climbed the stairs.

"Sar!" someone called out behind me and I turned around.

"Hm?" I asked, looking at Natalie. She came closer.

"Going to the library?"

"Unfortunately."

She smirked. "Don't forget to cast the contraceptive spell."

I rolled my eyes. "You're spending way too much time with me."

She giggled and I paused.

"Nat?"

"Hm?"

"Daphne is acting a bit weird," I said and she frowned.

"Like what?"

I shrugged. "Being an idiot. I mean-she just made some snarky comments about me, in front of some girls. It was like she was provoking me. She has never done that before."

Her eyebrows went up. "That's weird…"

"Yeah." I said. "Find out what's going on, please?"

She nodded. "Sure. Go to your detention, scarlet woman."

I pinched her arm. "Natalie!"

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist!" she raised her hands, palms facing me, gesturing surrender and she turned around and walked away.

I shook my head and walked to the other direction, then took a deep breath, hearing my heart beat in my ears. I was going to play cool. And calm.

I entered library and Madam Pince gave me a disapproving look, which I returned with an innocent, doe-eyed glare and looked around. Harry wasn't there.

I sat to a chair and crossed my legs, inspecting my fingernails, and minutes later, someone burst through the door.

"I'm sorry, I'm late..." Harry said, panting and I arched an eyebrow. Madam Pince clicked her tongue then rose from her chair, walking into sections to see if there were any students left. Harry was still trying to catch his breath, but I didn't give him a glance.

Madam Pince walked over to us.

"Lock the library when you're done," she said and walked out of the library, closing the door behind her. I let out a sigh and Harry pointed his wand to the door, then I heard the latch of lock slide into its place.

I lifted my eyebrows and looked at him quizzically; he just shrugged.

A silence fell upon us and I walked into a random section, then Harry cleared his throat.

"Ehm-Sar? Do you have something you want to tell me?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Umm…" I said, pretending to think. "No?"

His eyebrows went up. "Are you sure? You don't want to throw a curse, or attack me, or anything?"

I shrugged.

"You're absolutely scaring me right now."

"I'm not doing anything!"

"That's what's scaring me!"

I sucked in a breath. "What do you want me to say?"

He paused, taken a little aback by my question. "I don't know, maybe you might-"

"Harry, you already know what I'll ask, why don't you give me an answer and put an end to this torture?"

"We weren't doing anything," he said quickly. "Really. Nothing steamy or something like that. She was just snogging to me on the couch."

I clenched my teeth and crossed my arms.

"I know you won't sleep with her," I said in a matter of fact tone. "You have this stupid Gryffindor nobility, after all, but… seriously, Harry. Nothing?"

"Absolutely."

"Yet you moaned my name."

"First of all, it wasn't a moan, second of all, it just-slipped out! She was-ehm-she actually-"

I shut my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose, then opened my eyes again.

"Come on. What? Blow job?"

"Wh-Sarah, no!"

"Hand job?"

"Sar-no jobs, I swear!"

"Not even-"

"No, you lunatic!" he cut me off firmly, although I could see a faint blushing on his cheeks. "We were just kissing, and she did this thing with her tongue-and I don't know, my mind drifted off to you-when she pulled back, I accidentally whispered your name, that's all!"

I eyed him for a minute, thinking nonstop. He had promised me, right?

Maybe it was why I hadn't panicked that much from the beginning. Maybe, deep down, I knew he wouldn't do something like that. He was too… Harry for that.

But-

Since when I had been trusting people just by their word anyway?

Alright, scratch that, since when I had been trusting people _at all_?

"Fine." I said out loud. "Fine. Whatever."

He looked at me tiredly. "You're still angry."

I didn't answer that, I just sat to a chair, resting my head in my hands. What was happening to me for heaven's sake!

"I'm not sure how I feel right now, to be honest," I muttered. "It's just…"

_It's just I wish you left me a little pride_.

"Confusing."

It was indeed confusing. Why was I still with him, having this affair, even though I held the second place?

"What's confusing?"

"This!" I exclaimed. "This-whole thing! Why am I still with you?"

He blinked. "What?"

"Why am I still with you?" I repeated my question and he frowned.

"Is this a rhetorical question?"

"No!" I said. "Just-it's-we're not even sleeping together, then why are we doing this… secret thing?"

He groaned, rolling his eyes. "Sarah..."

"What?"

"Why are you so obsessed with this?"

"Why aren't you?" I retorted. "I mean… there just has got to be something wrong with you!"

"Because I want a deeper relationship with you?" he sounded really confused now.

"We don't have a relationship," I corrected him. It wasn't a relationship. It was just… having fun.

Yeah. I was having fun. Sometimes. Most of the time it was painful, and confusing, and just irritating, but it was… fun.

Oh, why would I be with him if it wasn't for fun?

"Alright, fine, whatever you say, but seriously…" he said. "You do know I want you-"

"Yet, we're not sleeping together, for some kind of masochistic reason that only Merlin knows..."

He heaved a deep sigh and threw his head back, as if praying for patience.

"Look…" he said in a patient tone. "I told you before. I don't want you to think that sex is the only thing I want from you when we do it."

"If I say I don't think like that, will we do it?"

"Do you really mean it?"

"Erm…"

"Then no."

I huffed. "Fine," I said. "You just keep fantasizing about me. Idiot."

Although I had been pressuring him about it, it didn't feel that… weird. Us not having sex, I mean. It was… different, but not a bad-way weird.

A jolt of realization hit me. We were taking it slow… we were getting to know each other… we were trying to-

Oh my…

"What happened, you went pale," Harry said beside me and I turned my head, so quick that my neck hurt.

"Huh? N-nothing?"

I did trust him, right? I didn't attack him, or curse him this time, just waited for his explanation.

Something I'd never done before.

I shook my head slightly, I was being ridiculous… There was no way that I was actually-

No. Uh uh. La la la laa, out of my head, stupid thoughts. Out of my head.

It was just fun for me. I liked being with him because it was fun. I liked him kissing me because it was fun. I loved the way he looked at me-

Again, it was fun.

And I loved that-

Suddenly I realized the words that were trying to escape from my lips and my head snapped up, then I clamped a hand over my mouth, trying to stop them. I got up off the chair, so fast that I knocked it over.

"Sarah?"

The tears had already started filling my eyes and I blinked hard.

"I gotta-go-I just-remembered something-see you!" I said and cast the unlocking spell, then swung open the door and did the only thing I could think of.

I ran.

I ran, approaching to the end of the hall and climbing the stairs. I ran until I couldn't breathe.

I ran until I couldn't even think.

I gave the password to the portrait, then stumbled through. The common room was almost empty, except Natalie, raising her head from her book.

"Hey, you're early," she paused and her smile faded.

"Sarah what the hell happened?"

I tried to catch my breath. It was too much. The thought of me, saying those to him was just…too much. I gulped, wiping the tears falling to my cheeks

"Oh my God…" she whispered and snapped her fingers in front of my eyes "Sarah! What happened?"

I took a deep breath, and when I talked, my voice came out as a whisper.

"I-I need help."

"Of course, just tell me what happened?"

I bit my lip. "How do you stop yourself from loving someone?"

She frowned, looking completely lost. "Um…I don't think you can do that…"

"I need to know how, there must be a way. I'm sure there's a way." I said in one breath, wiping the new tears on my cheeks. A sob I couldn't repress rose from my throat and I sniffed.

"Honey-what-?"

I raised my head, looking her in the eye.

"I think I'm falling for Potter."

* * *

**A.N: Please review and tell me what you think! I need it!=)**

**Review Responses:**

**ThisLooksLikeAJobForMe: **Oh, don't you dare die, I need you! Lol:P And more surprises to come;)

**Ariauna**: Yay! Thanks so much!=)

**Crazy-Obsessed-Potter-Chick**: Heheh, thanks;) Oh, no worries, I have some plans about Draco, so he's definitely not out;)

**addicted2books96**: Yayy, I'm glad you liked it! I looove drama:P oh, and I loved your story! and ginny should definitely react badly;) Lol:)

**mystrymoviebrunette**: You're probably sick of hearing this, but I'll say it anyway; all thanks to you!=)

**beba78**: Omg, thanks! Well, and...after spending almost one hour, I realized that I'm horrible at writing Harry's pov:( but I'll try again, I promise! Glad you liked the chapter;)


	16. Truth Doesn't Make A Noise

**A.N: I know, I know this update is really really late, I'm so sorry! These college stuff are just...horrible! :( anyways, I hope you all like this chapter and..enjoy!**

**Review responses are at the end of the chapter;))  
PS: Special thanks go to my wonderful beta, mystrymoviebrunette!**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR, I only own my OC's!=)**

**SARAH'S POV**

For minutes, she didn't say anything. Although she opened her mouth, no words came out, so she just looked at me with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry, I must've heard wrong-"

I just shook my head, running a hand through my hair and pacing, repeating, "Oh God…Oh God.."

She clasped a hand over her mouth and let out a shaking breath. "I need to sit down…"

She collapsed onto the sofa beside me, gripping the sides of her head as if this knowledge was literally making her brain explode. "That's-that's impossible… Completely ridiculous! Something must be wrong with me. Something is definitely wrong with me… Sarah!" she grabbed my arm. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Apparently!" I said, wiping the tears furiously and narrowing my eyes. "'Have I lost my mind' she says…. Thanks for the news-flash, oh wise one!"

She took a shaking breath, "Okay… Alright…Let's calm down first-"

"Calm down? How can I calm down when I realized I fell in l-" my words were cut off when her hand shot out to cover my mouth. I pushed her hand away and she gave a quick glance to someone behind me.

"Hi Draco!" she chirped in a little too loud and happy voice, giving me a warning look and I sucked in a huge breath.

"Hey..." he said a bit hesitantly. "Are you two… alright?"

I still hadn't turned around to look at him but Natalie nodded fervently.

"Of course!"

"Sarah?" Draco said gently, and I shut my eyes, then opened them again.

"Yes?"

He had come to stand in front of me now and I wiped my cheeks quickly, pretending to fix my hair.

"Wh-did you cry?" his voice was filled with disbelief, and I wore a fake smile, raising my head.

"Of course not." I said in a calm, low tone but he reached out, lifted up my chin to make me look him in the eye. I pulled back quickly.

"I'm tired..." I muttered. "I should probably go to bed. Good night to you both."

"Sar, wait-" he said, but I had already turned my back and ran upstairs. I flung myself onto dark green sheets and someone else entered the dormitory. Footsteps came closer, and closer, until-

"It's impossible for you to fall asleep this soon, get up."

I sighed, running my hand through my hair and opened my eyes.

"What do you want?" I whispered and she looked around, then turned her attention on me.

"What could I possibly want?"

I pulled the covers over my body but she pulled them back.

"We need to talk, Sarah!"

"Right now?" I whispered, "In a dormitory, full with gossip-crazy girls? No thank you!"

She crossed her arms, tapping her heel on the floor.

"Tomorrow then. First thing when we wake up, alright? You'll tell me everything."

I snorted. "Can't wait."

"And don't think I forgot how easily you lied to me," she said, her tone a little cooler now. "When I first asked you. All those words to make me feel guilty, all those times you swore so easily."

She snorted, shaking her head and I looked at her, feeling really…. disgusting.

"Nat-"

"Never mind, we'll talk about it tomorrow," she said and walked to her bed, then climbed there and turned her back.

And I just lay there, staring at the ceiling for hours, until I drifted off to very Harry filled dreams.

* * *

It was a bad idea.

Stupid even.

But when I started telling her everything that happened, I just couldn't stop. Every word I said felt like it lifted the unbearable weight on my shoulders. The more I talked, the more I felt free.

"...Then yesterday, when we were in library… I don't know, I just… I realized that I actually care about him. I care about what he thinks of me, I care about how he looks at me, I care about what he says to me, it's just…" I let out a breath. "And he-he is trying to get to know me. Not to rush things, you know? He is trying, _really, truly_ trying to get to know me." I bit my lip. "No one has ever done that before."

She looked at me for a long time before she answered and when she did, her voice was hoarse.

"Sarah, you have no idea how happy I am for you."

I raised my head, narrowing my eyes.

"Happy for me?" I said in disbelief as my logical side hit me. "Natalie, what kind of best friend are you? You're supposed to keep me in line, which is the opposite thing you're doing right now! It's completely-"

"Yeah, looks like that line just got a little blurry," she said calmly and I shook my head.

"No, you don't understand-I can't fall in love-"

"And why is that?"

I paused, blinking hard as I cast my eyes down to my fingers, twisting my skirt nervously.

"Sarah, you can't be the perfect child of your parents' dreams," she murmured. "Bad news? None of us will ever be. They'll just have to deal with it."

"Mum and dad have nothing to do with it-"

"Really?" she asked. "Your trust issues, this fear of being loved, holding everyone at arm's length?"

"I'm not doing that to everyone-"

"You didn't even tell me. Me, remember? Your best friend?" She didn't sound hurt at all, she was just... stating a fact.

I sniffed. "It-Look, Natalie, what did you expect me to do? Just walk to you and say 'Hey, Nat, guess what? I'm having an affair with Harry Potter!'"

"Yeah, I did," she said. "I would rather hear that than have you, lying to my face."

There was nothing I could say against this.

"I-I won't have any hard feelings for you, if you feel-you can't trust me anymore," I said quietly and she smiled.

"Don't be ridiculous Sarah," she said in a tired tone. "I'm just saying that _you_ should've trusted _me_. I won't judge you, not now, not ever."

Those stupid tears filled my eyes again.

"I thought it was just a fling..." I whispered. "At first... If I knew it would come to this-"

I paused. I would've what? Stopped it? Prevented it?

Right… Like that could've happened.

"So, do you think I can... make it stop now?" I said, glancing up at her. "You know… We should find a way to-to stop this feeling in me."

"And why is that?" she asked for the second time. "Why do you want to stop it?"

I took a breath through my clenched teeth.

"I just do." My voice came out like a stubborn child's. "It won't go anywhere. This-thing-"

"You can't even call it a relationship."

"Because it's not a relationship!" I exclaimed. "I don't even know which one of us is his lover and which one of us is his slut!"

She raised her brows. "I thought you said you two hadn't slept together yet."

"It doesn't make any difference!" I said. "You don't understand-"

"No, I do," she said. "You know what I think? I think you're so panicked because you don't actually know how to behave when you love a guy. Seducing them, tricking them, making them admire you, fine, but when it comes to loving them? You're just clueless."

I opened my mouth, but then, closed it again. I really hated it when she was right.

She let out a small laugh, looking at me with eyes full of triumph.

"Sarah Beckingham in _love_…" she muttered to herself thoughtfully, smiling. "Just who would've ever believed?"

* * *

I didn't go to detention that night. I wrote a letter to Madam Pince, saying how sick I was, and how grateful I would be if I could be excused today, and sent it with Mary, trying to ignore Natalie's hawk-like glances burning into my skin.

"You can't avoid him forever."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, brushing my hair. "I really don't feel well."

"Mm-hm."

I turned around. "Come on, we should go down to the Common Room."

We descended the stairs and I plopped down onto dark green couch.

"Didn't you have detention today?" Draco asked and I shrugged.

"I didn't feel like it."

"And they let you get away with it?"

I batted my eyelashes. "Because I'm so, so sick, and I'll make it up next week. It's not like that bloody library is going anywhere."

Draco chuckled and Natalie turned her head.

"Sar, you did your Potions homework, right?"

My eyes widened and I groaned.

"Just one peaceful night... Merlin, do I want too much?"

"You can copy mine," she said and I grinned as I took the parchment from her hands.

Half an hour later, I was done with copying it, but still searching through the pages of the book.

"Need help?" Draco leant her hands to the arms of my chair behind my back and I grinned.

"Finally! My own personal Auror! Save me from these stupid potion rules!"

He chuckled and pulled himself a chair. "Alright, innocent victim. What do you need help with?"

I bit my lip, my gaze on the pages. "Creating an antidote for a poisonous potion."

He pulled the book towards him and took a quill. "Okay… The basic rule is Golpalott's Third Law."

"Right." I said. "Golpalott's Third Law."

"Oh, so you know it?"

"Nope, haven't the foggiest," I said and he smirked.

"You don't need to know who he is, you just know the law. It states that the antidote for a blended poison will be equal to more than the sum of the antidotes for each of the separate components."

"You lost me after the word 'equal,'" I said in a matter-of-fact tone. God, how could Harry be that good in the Potions? He was absolutely Slughorn's pupil, the golden boy-

Like he was in everything.

Except when he wasn't that successful in Snape's Potions Class. I guess the enmity was really affecting everything.

Unbelievable. I had managed to go from Golpalott's Third Law to Harry.

"Sarah, oi?" Draco snapped his fingers.

My head shot up. "Huh? Sorry, listening."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, you were talking about this…Scarpin's Revelaspell," I muttered, pulling the parchment towards me, and shaking my head. "Repeat that again?"

* * *

I was still yawning when we went down to breakfast. Natalie on the other hand was annoyingly energetic as always.

"He is looking at you," Natalie whispered and I raised my head, giving him a questioning glare. She rolled her eyes.

"I think we should give him a nickname or something."

"Works for me. How about _'The boy who is impossible to corrupt'_?"

"Sarah..."

"Oh, I got it. _The boy who refuses to get laid even though_-"

"No!"

"Stupid, overly-hormonal Gryffindor-"

"No! Just-forget it," she muttered, sipping her pumpkin juice. I yawned again.

"Seriously, when did you go to bed? I didn't hear you?"

I shrugged. "3 a.m or something." When I turned my head, I saw that Ginny was walking over to Gryffindor table. Her gaze stopped on me for a second and she sneered at me, then sat beside Harry, giving him a long kiss.

I clenched my teeth and dropped my glance to my plate, to avoid looking at them.

"How can you stand it?" Natalie muttered at me. "I mean, it must be hard. Seeing them together."

My lips curled, but I kept playing with my food, raised my head and smiled brightly at her.

"He's still watching, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

"Good," I muttered, looking cheerful. "Stupid, loser redhead?"

"No, she's talking with mudblood," she muttered. "I can't believe I haven't realized it before…"

"What?"

"He looks at you like..." she paused. "I don't know, different."

I put down my fork and rested my chin on my fist. "Well… it's a good sign then. If even you hadn't realized it before…"

She bit her lip. "Sarah, when will you tell him?"

"Tell him what?" I asked, even though I had understood what she was talking about.

She rolled her eyes. "You know what…"

I pushed my chair back. "No I don't, actually," I said. "I gotta go to library now, see you later."

"Sar-" but before she could say anything else, I had already walked out of Great Hall. I headed to library and entered, then made my way to the far back of the library. I sat to a chair with my head in my hands.

That was a bad idea.

Merlin, I had known it was a bad idea.

Because telling everything to her made me also hear my words… Hearing them out loud was just… making all these feelings so real..

I was in love with Harry bloody Potter.

God, I must be out of my mind…

I heard footsteps coming closer but didn't raise my head from my hands. Until someone kissed the top of my hair.

I jolted up but Harry held my shoulders and pushed me back to my chair gently.

"Hey…" he murmured into my hair, but I couldn't say anything. Because I knew if I opened my mouth, I would say something I would regret later.

_Deep breaths..._

"Want to tell me what's going on?"

I just shook my head.

"Was it something I said?"

I wanted to laugh. Just how clueless was he…?

He sighed and sat beside me. "Seriously, Sarah. What did I do?"

I gulped back the words trying to escape from my lips.

"I should go..." I muttered but he grabbed at my wrist.

"Not until you tell me what I did!"

_You made me fall in love with you!_ I wanted to yell. It was completely his fault, not mine! I was alright, I was… myself before he came along.

But now...

"You didn't do anything, alright?" I said. "I just-I need to be alone for a while."

"Why is that?"

"Because I feel like it!" I stomped on my foot. "You go to Ginny, it's not like you'll be alone too long anyway."

"Sarah-"

I stood up, knocking the chair over but he stood up also and held my arm again.

"No, just, don't-" I yanked my arm back.

"Tell me what's wrong!"

"What makes you think something's wrong?"

He let out a breath. "Because I know you better than myself!" he said through his teeth. "Something's causing you to avoid me. Again."

I threw my head back, pursing my lips.

"Sarah, please-"

"No."

With that, I turned around and walked out of the library with fast steps, never looking back until I reached Slytherin Portrait.

Everything would be okay.

I would start to think sensible sooner or later.

_Merlin, please let it be sooner._

_

* * *

_

_**A.N: Please review and tell me what you think! Ideas, constructive criticism, opinions, anything! I need them!=) **_

**_Review Responses:_**

**beba78**: Heheh, mm, we'll see if someone heard it or not:P *wink wink* mwhaha:P so, what do you think of this one? ;)

**Crazy-Obsessed-Potter-Chick:** Yeapp, Hermione _is_ smart, but Sarah is really good at pretending and lying too ;) lol=) at first, I wanted to write Natalie being angry at her, and then I changed my mind heheh=)

**lameass35:** Yeap, if I were her friend, I would be really pissed=) yeah, actually, she's kind of realizing the truth.. at first she was just seeing it as a game, but now she realized it's getting serious=)

**MicHa3l . Ang3Lo: **Yayy, thanks=) I'm glad you liked it! ;)

**Cutie-pie**: I know this update was a bit late, so sorry! I hope you liked this chapter!

**Blackhawk68:** Heheh, I seriously loooove reading reactions like that :P No worries, I berate my characters too, so very often=P

**ThisLooksLikeAJobForMe:** Lol, it would be really funny, actually=) Just picturing her with Goyle…Rofl =) huh, I don't like Ginny much anyway:P

**mysterygirl123:** Yeap, she realized, now she needs to accept it =) for some reason, I'm under the impression that it'll be hard lol=)

**mecherry:** Aww, thank youuu! İt's weird, but I really love hearing that she has flaws, because I really want this story to seem real, you know=) I'm really happy to hear that you can't stop reading, because I can't stop writing either lol;) I hope you liked this chapter too!

**Mystrymoviebrunette**: I'm actually writing the next one right now, it shouldn't take long…I hope:p heheh=) btw, as always, thanks sooo much for the help, you rock! ;)


	17. Can You Sleep At Night?

**A.N: **Okay, I seriously have no excuses, other than saying I'm really sorry. In fact, you probably don't even remember what the hell this story is about, but… if it means anything, I started writing it again… So, I hope you'll like it! =)

**______****Disclaimer: ****I don't own anything, Harry Potter belongs to JKR, and any resemblance between my OC's and real persons, dead or undead is purely coincidental. I also don't own the title of the chapter, it's from a song by Courtney Jaye.**

**SARAH'S POV**

Avoiding someone is hard.

Especially if you happen to be in the same school with that someone.

And mega especially, if that someone is Harry Potter.

That git couldn't just leave it! You'd think someone with a so-called girlfriend would hardly find free time to stalk his other so called girlfr-

Umm, I'd like to rephrase that please?

You'd think-

"Sarah, I'm talking with you, are you listening?" Natalie's voice cut through the monologue in my head as always.

"Umm…Sure." I said, looking at her through the mirror and she arched an eyebrow

"Right." She said sarcastically "You have the shortest attention span ever, you know it don't you?"

I shrugged

"What were you thinking about?"

"Things." I said, brushing my hair

"What things?"

I shrugged again "Do you really need to hear?"

The corners of her lips curled upwards "I have some guesses, but…"

I sighed and put the hairbrush onto table

"Seriously, Sar." She said as I sat beside her "How long do you think you'll-"

"Natalie, don't go there-"

"Look, I know you're panicked-"

"I'm not panicked!"

"But if you talk with him-"

"Then what?" I asked "What will happen? What will I tell him? _Hey, I just realized I fell in love with you?_"

She rubbed her face "Yes!" she said "I don't care how you say it as long as you tell it to him!"

"Well, it's not gonna happen any time soon." I said, crossing my arms over my chest "I'll just wait for this feeling to pass. That's all."

She groaned and fell back into the bed "You're unbelievable."

"Anyways, I still have some other things to think." I said, ignoring her protests "Have you seen the way that stupid Weasel looked at me? Gosh, how I want to slap that smug smirk off her face!"

She half opened her eyes and knitted her eyebrows together

"I mean she's looking at me like-like-" I paused, trying to find the right words

"Like she wants to kill you with her glances?" Natalie finished my sentence for me in a low tone "Well, you are kind of… having an affair with her boyfriend behind her back, Sar."

"Exactly. The key word. Behind her back." I said "She doesn't know it yet, yet she implied that I was a slut. How rude."

She sat up straighter, leaning her back against the bedpost "Your logic is definitely different from our world logic."

"It's not my fault your world logic is not as advanced as mine." I shrugged and she bit her lip

"So…What are you gonna do? About her, I mean?"

I smirked "Nothing."

"What? Sar-"

"Which is a plan." I cut her off "She is already annoyed, and angry, and she's not the most patient person. Right?"

Natalie nodded. Weasleys were infamous for their short tempers.

"Good. We'll wait for her to make her move."

"I-I don't understand-"

"Define him to me." I said in a low mutter "Come on."

"Umm…" she paused "'The boy who is impossible to corrupt?"

I giggled and poked her "Other than my words?"

She tapped her chin with two fingers "Golden Boy, Gryffindor Prince, The Boy Who Lived, Savior of All-"

"Exactly." I cut her off again "Savior of All. That bloke has a huge hero complex. So, if I attack her right now, he'll be there to support her, and I'll be the bad girl. But…" I started twirling a piece of my hair and batted my eyelashes "If I provoke her enough to make her attack me and be the innocent good girl.."

"He'll automatically take your side." She finished my sentence for me "You're definitely unbelievable."

"Again, thank you." I giggled "Come on, let's go."

I jumped on my feet and took a one last glance at the mirror, then we both headed Common Room.

"Which classes do we have today?"

"Ummm…" Natalie pawed through her bag and took a piece of parchment. "Potions, a free period and…Defense Against Dark Arts."

"Oh, brilliant." I grumbled

"And you have that library detention with Harry."

"This day seriously can't get any wor-" I paused "Wait, did you just call him _'Harry'_?"

She grinned "Yeah. What happened, are you jealous?"

"Nat?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

* * *

For the records, I hate Patronus charm. As in, despise it!

I cussed under my breath, then took a deep breath and tried to focus on a happy memory. The classroom was filled with silvery smokes, coming from everywhere and tried not to stomp on my foot like a child. Why couldn't I do that?

But of course, as usual, the Gryffindors on the other side of the classroom could do it almost immediately, which made me feel even worse. I mean, even Longbottom could do it for Merlin's sake! It seemed like the only people that was having hard time was us, Slytherins.

A soft wind brushed my hair and I turned my head to see a fading stag, then shook my head and tried to think. My first kiss…

"Expecto Patronum!"

And another shapeless cloud of silvery mist burst out of my wand, then it fade again.

_Don't throw your wand to the wall, don't throw it to the wall…_

I closed my eyes, trying to think of an another one. Actually, a voice in my brain kept telling me what exactly I needed to think, but I refused to believe it. Or think it, for that matter.

"Still having troubles?" Natalie asked and I clenched my teeth

"Can't you tell?"

"Apparently, you're not thinking 'happy' enough."

"I'd show you happy…" I muttered under my breath, watching her patronus dolphin shine through the room.

"What did you think?" I asked her after a sigh, accepting my defeat and she smiled at me

"The first time my dad got me a broom."

I rolled my eyes, apparently it wouldn't work on me. Considering how terrible I was at flying…

"But you can think of something else?" I heard Natalie's suggestion "Or someone…"

"What are you, voice in my head now?"

"We're partners with it." She winked and I made a face, then focused my attention on-

Oh hell with it.

"_Wait wait wait…" I sat up straighter in the couch, looking at Harry disbelievingly "So you mean to tell me-you don't know how to dance? At all?"_

"_I can't decide which is worse, that you think I can dance or that I know where this conversation is going…"_

"_But-but-" I stammered "You were the 4__th__ champion in the Tri-Wizard Tournament! Didn't you dance at the ball?"_

"_The key word is 'tried to'." He grinned at me sheepishly "It was a disaster, seriously. Good thing you didn't see me like that."_

"_Well-the ball night is a bit fuzzy for me, as much as I remember." I said "My date somehow brought a bottle of Firewhiskey, and…I honestly didn't give any attention to you."_

"_Thank God for that. Oh, and ouch." He said and I stood up. We were in the Room of Requirement, so it didn't take long for me to find a radio on the table. I switched it on, and turned to Harry with an evil smile on my lips_

"_No no no…" He shook his head "No power in universe, including Voldemort, can make me dance again. It's a nightmare!"_

_I shivered when I heard his name and heaved a deep sigh "Oh come on, Potter…You're a Gryffindor remember, since when you're afraid of anything?" _

"_Being a Gryffindor doesn't mean that I have to d- no, Sarah, don't even think about it. And turn the music down."_

"_Oh come onnn…" I said, pulling him by his hand "When you have a girlfriend, you'll thank me. Or she'll thank me, however, I'm thinking the latter would be a bit more difficult.."_

_The look in his eyes changed, like he felt down all of a sudden. I ignored it, giving him an innocent look_

"_You'll like it-"_

"_No I won't. And you'll laugh at me."_

"_No I won't." I retorted and paused "Well, maybe a little, but since when you actually care what I think about you?"_

_A painful smile appeared on his lips and I bent down to nip at his bottom lip, pulling him to me. He got up from the couch slowly, and I smiled complacently, standing on my tiptoes now. I pulled back, placing his hand to my waist_

"_Don't get angry at me when I injure you."_

_I snorted, trying not to laugh_

"_Okay, now you take your step-" I was cut off when he pulled me into an another kiss, and-_

"Expecto Patronum!"

A silvery mist burst out of the tip of my wand again, but instead of fading away, it actually took a shape, and I gawked at the silvery cat that lunged at the other patronuses, and disappeared, leaving a bright light behind.

"Sarah, you did it!" Natalie said excitedly and I gulped, staring at the place where my patronus was a moment ago.

_This is not good._

"Yeah." I said faintly "I did it. Go me."

* * *

The first hour of our detention with Harry went in a complete silence. Which really did surprise me, since he wasn't the type to let go of an argument, especially if the other side of that argument was me.

But of course, as I guessed, it didn't take long for him to start talking.

"Sar?"

"Mm?"

"Are you planning to tell me what's going on sometime in this century?"

I closed the book and waved my wand, placing it into it's section

"I gotta say, you surprised me. I didn't think you could wait this much without talking."

He took a deep breath "Well, Hermione has always told me I shouldn't push a girl to talk to me, instead I should wait, so…"

I raised a brow "You take Granger's advice on relationship with girls?"

His glance sharpened, letting me know I was talking about one of his best friends, and that I should watch my steps "Sarah.."

"Fine, whatever." I brushed it off, pulling an another book to myself, nibbling my bottom lip. My hand stopped in the air as I remembered the way Granger looked at me.

"She's suspecting of something." I said, looking at him and he frowned

"Who, Hermione?"

I nodded "She-I can't describe it, but…the way she looked at me-she's suspecting of something." I emphasized the words, trying to make him understand. He gave me a relaxing smile

"She would've already scorned me if she knew something, and probably done much much worse." He said "But I'm still here talking with you, aren't I?"

I gritted my teeth "So you don't worry about it at all?"

He shrugged "Everyone is suspecting of something." He muttered "But we're being careful, aren't we?"

I shrugged "Are we?"

He paused "What-what will happen if someone finds out?" he asked softly "What would you do?"

I shifted in my chair "I'd deny everything. And you'd do the same."

"I was thinking…" he said slowly "Maybe we shouldn't deny anything…"

My head snapped up and I looked at him with wide eyes, trying to understand if he was joking "You're just being nonsense right now."

"What, I'm just saying…" he said defensively "You know, not now, but maybe couple years later, when we graduate from Hogwarts, when this whole Voldemort thing ends-"

"Then what?" I asked "Let's say, everything went well, no one noticed we're together, you went and killed Dark Lord, the world is all rainbows and butterflies..You won't leave Ginny anyway. You love her family too much for that."

He pursed his lips "You don't understand-"

"No, I do." I said, shaking my head "Harry, I swear to Merlin, I understand. But you need to understand this also; you'll lose your everything if people see me with you. Same thing goes for me, do you think my family would react well if they found out? They would disown me!" I crossed my arms, blinking back the tears "Open your eyes, Potter. When this whole thing is over, we'll all play our parts. You'll marry Ginny or some other girl who is on the _light side_, have one big happy family, and I'll marry a rich pureblood man, and we'll forget each other."

My heart ached as I talked, it just hurt..too much. More than it should.

"Don't say that.." his voice was hoarse, as if he could see the future I pictured.

"Why, because it makes everything so true?"

"No, because I can't stand the thought of you not being in my life!" he said sternly, and I blinked, then clenched my teeth, letting out a cold chuckle.

"You know what, Harry?" I said, looking him in the eye. "That would be a pretty romantic line, if your girlfriend weren't waiting for you in the common room right now."

I stood up and knocked over my chair, then walked into another section, trying to ignore the burning in my eyes.

* * *

**A.N2: So, please review and tell me what you think! opinions, comments, parts you liked, parts you didn't like, constructive criticism, ideas anything! =) I need to hear them!;)**

**Review Responses:**

AquamarineCherry blossom: Yayy thank you so so much! I think it's a bit of both:P

Crazy-Obsessed-Potter-Chick: I don't like Ginny much either.. Actually on second thoughts, I don't like her at all:P and yayy, thank you!=)

Beba78: Well, I think Natalie and Draco's relationship will be a bit..complicated. With Sarah in the middle:P and argh, you're totally right, he should so dump her! :D

ThisLooksLikeAJobForMe: Now, I continue writing! Well, hopefuly…:P

Kristaniella: Aww, thank you soo much hun! I'm really happy to hear that you liked it! =)

Addicted2books96: And I'm so sorry about the late updating…:P you'll definitely see more scenes with them… that is if you're stil reading? :P

Ning: Well, he does want to have a relationship with Sarah, but his relationship with ginny is.. on the knife edge, you know, she is one of the Weasleys, and he sees them as family and doesn't want to lose any of them:D

Aztec2012bigone: I'll definitely keep it up! And yay, thanks soo much! =)

Mysterygirl123: It's definitely gonna take time for her to accept she's in love with him:D but hopefuly, the progress will be fun=)

BritanyJean: Aww, thank you so so much hun! =) I want them to be together now also, but…I gotta say, it's pretty fun to write their 'secret' affair:P

Kimberly L Williams: Omg thank youu=) I really love to hear that she's not a mary sue, because I can't say I like mary sues…:P I think Nate is one of my favorites in this fanfiction hehe:D And you're definitely right, I think Sarah and Harry actually see a part of theirselves in each other.. I've always though Ginny was in love with the image as well, like she doesn't know the real Harry.. Just the heroic figure. Anyways, thank you so much! =)

En-elin: I stil can't believe you reviewed all my stories:D you're awesome, thank youu=) well, I'll try to write this story and the VD one, hopefully:D

Mecherry: Aww, thank you so so much hun, you're a great encouragement!=) hopefully, you'll like this chapter as well, and it's amazing to hear that you're stil reading it! =)


	18. Fight Or Flight

**A.N:** The new chapter yayy! I hope you all will like it! Please review and tell me what you think! =)

**PS: Special thanks go to my wonderful beta, mystrymoviebrunette!**

**Disclaimer:****************I don't own anything**_____******,**_ Harry Potter belongs to genius J K Rowling and **********any resemblance between my OC's and real persons, is purely coincidental.**************** I also don't own the title of the story, it's from Placebo's "Song To Say Goodbye"**

**SARAH'S POV **

I'd never told anyone this, but I didn't feel any of those fireworks, brain- numbing stuff when I had my first kiss. I remember the panic, the fear, but I don't remember the joy.

The same thing goes for the time I lost my virginity. I just knew I wanted it gone. I felt like I could prove something to myself, that I could feel…complete, and it took me a moment to understand I was wrong. When he pushed into me, I didn't feel like a-

I don't know, the woman I was supposed to become, maybe.

Probably that's the reason why I had my first kiss and first time with people I knew I would never see again. Natalie had used the words ' commitment phobia' to describe this.

I had used the words 'being bored'.

Okay, first times suck –pun intended-, but even though the second time was amazing, to be honest, I still felt like something was lost. Like I was forgetting something.

Now that I thought about it, it was probably the feel of caring about the other person.

And now, watching Harry practice on the Quidditch field with his team, I couldn't help but wonder how it would feel if he was the one whom I had lost my virginity to. I was sure I would feel fear again. And panic.

But I was also sure that I would feel something more than a temporary pleasure. Not something that goes away in the morning. Something- deeper.

I shook my head slightly, shaking off the thoughts. I wasn't making any sense. Again.

A hoot coming from behind me made me turn my head and I dropped my gaze to the parchment in my hands with a sigh.

_Dear S._

_F. and I are good, I think. I mean we have our fights, and two days ago, my mom sent a girl named Chloé to 'keep me company', so things got a little complicated as you can understand. Actually, all hell broke loose, almost literally. That's the reason why I'm writing you so late, we almost broke up, but we're fine now. I think._

_How about you and that guy we've talked about? I gotta say, little sis, if he can handle you, you have to introduce him to me, so that I can congratulate him. (That, and I can threaten him, I missed switching my scary big brother mode on.)_

_Also, I hope you're being careful. You know how mom and dad are._

_Love you,_

_N._

I held the parchment in my hand tightly, leaning my back against a column. Mom would never change, always trying to interfere in our lives…

I laughed to myself as I skimmed the lines once more. _Be careful?You _be careful, Nate...

Natalie bounced on her steps, humming a song. "Letter from a secret admirer?"

I shook my head, stuffing the letter into my pocket. "From Nate,." I muttered as we started walking.

"Oh? Is he alright?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah he's fine. I thought you had Arithmancy?"

She shrugged. "Have you checked your watch or were you too busy ogling at the Chosen Captain?."

I rolled my eyes. "Cute."

She sighed. "So… How was the so- called detention?"

"Insufferable."

"But Harry was there-"

"Exactly my point."

She crossed her arms. "Sarah, you have an affair with him, you love him, and you're calling him insufferable?"

I shot him a weird look "Natalie, just because I fancy him, doesn't mean that I'm blind! I can surely see that he's an insufferable, idiotic, -..."

"Sarah-"

"...stubborn prick who has a stupid hero complex,-"

"Sar-"

"...overly hormonal for my patience, gets on my nerves almost always, lets his feelings run ahead him-" I was cut off when she snapped her fingers in front of my eyes.

"And this guy still wants to be with you?"

I shrugged. "Who doesn't?"

She chuckled slowly and we both entered the castle.

"Did you put someone on my tail?" Beth's voice came from behind and me and Natalie turned around to see her sitting on a window sill, arms crossed, staring at me hard.

"Uh-what?"

"Don't make me repeat the question in order to gain time to think of an excuse, Sarah, you always do that…" She jumped on her feet. "I can't believe you!"

"How did you-how did she figure it out?" I turned to Natalie who shrugged nonchalantly.

"I told you I could take care of myself, yet you make your minions follow my every move? You're overreacting!"

I shifted my weight, she wasn't supposed to know about it!

"Who told you?"

"No one!" she emphasized her words. "Look, Sar, I know I got into a fight, but it does not mean that I need protection, why can't you see that?"

If it were anyone else who talked to me this way…

"Look, Bee, you're my little sister,." I said softly. "It's my job to look out for you, remember? Always."

She brushed her hair off her face. "I understand that you're worried, but nothing's gonna happen, okay?"

"You don't know that,." I said stubbornly. "I just want you to be safe. Who knows what Slytherins will do?."

Natalie snorted back a chuckle and Beth gave me a weird look.

"Yeah, I know, I'm a Slytherin too, and even I don't know my limits,." I grinned and Beth tapped her foot.

"Call your snakes back, Sar."

I shook my head. "Not a chance."

"So people will watch my every move from now on?"

"Not forever." I promised her. "Just..for a while."

She shook her head slightly, heaving a deep sigh.

"I'll tell Nate about it."

"Tell him I say hi." I winked at her and kept walking with Natalie beside me.

"What class do we have now?"

"Potions." She answered and someone pushed me with their shoulder. I turned to curse them almost automatically but then, a sharper feeling filled my system.

"Ginny!" someone said reprovingly and my eyes turned from blood traitor to mudblood.

"Such a lovely pair." I grinned mockingly and Granger held Ginny's arm which was about to pull her wand, and I felt Natalie tense up.

"S, come on, not worth it,." she said in a calm voice but I ignored her, leaning against my hip.

"How's your boyfriend, Weasel?"

She gritted her teeth. "I wouldn't get my hopes up Beckingham, he still hates sluts."

I smiled. "Weird…" I said slowly. "Considering he _is_ dating one."

She eyed me. "What would your family react, about your schoolgirl crush?" she asked. "I bet they would be furious."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah you're right, they would be furious,." I said. "But I bet you would be even more furious if you knew the half of the things your boyfriend told me yesterday."

"Ginny, no!" Granger said, holding her arm tightly when she took a step towards me. I sighed, twirling a piece of my hair around my finger.

"Tell him that I look forward to our next library-hmm…_detention_." I winked at her, and turned on my heels, making my way to class with Natalie on my tail.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked once we entered Potions class. I didn't give any glance to Harry, just took my spot, watching Hermione entering the class after me.

I shrugged. "Oh please, they'll probably have another fight, whatever."

"She will be suspicious of something!"

"Then so be it!" I hissed through my teeth, ignoring Granger's muttering something to Harry –probably what just had happened-

"Sar-"

"She is luckier than me!" I whispered furiously, taking my book out of my bag. "And I hate this. Hate her. She has doubts, so what? She still can make herself believe that he is only hers, that he loves only her, that he would never cheat on her. And me? I'm the one who stuck with seeing them together every. bloody. day. So at least let me make her feel bad, because I feel worse!"

She dropped her gaze to the table, but didn't say anything, so I raised my head when Slughorn entered the classroom, focusing on the instructions for the potion.

* * *

Harry closed the library door behind him and I stretched, yawning. Madam Pince was in the library during tonight's detention, so we didn't even dare to talk until we left there.

"You're tired?" he asked gently and I nodded, yawning again.

"What time is it?"

"Two o'clock,." he said. "So…wanna tell me what happened today?"

I paused shifting my weight. "Uh-nothing?"

He shook his head slightly. "Sarah…"

"Why were you so late tonight anyway?" I changed the subject before he could say anything else. "Pince kept looking at me as if it was my fault."

"I-uh…" he ran a hand through his hair. "Ginny and I had an argument, so…"

I felt my heart skip a beat, and almost feel the hope filling my system. "Oh…" I said, trying to sound calm. "What about?"

He gave me a weird glare and I couldn't help to smile. "Oh, she took me seriously?"

"You can be pretty…intimidating when you want to,." he stated and I glared at him.

"Like now.." he said. "Anyways, she said she didn't want me to go to library tonight, and I told her she was being nonsense, and she...-didn't react well." He took a deep breath, rubbing his face wearily.

"I'm not blaming her, actually,." he added and my head shot up, and I narrowed my eyes. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

"I mean…" he said. "She-she doesn't deserve this. You know? She-uh- don't get me wrong, please, but I still do care about her…"

I let out a breath, crossing my arms, that disgusting feeling sinking into my body. "Sure." I said, bitter taste burning my mouth. "She doesn't deserve this. She deserves better, as always… Ginny always comes first."

"What?" he asked disbelievingly. "S, -come on, you're not serious!"

I didn't answer him, instead I turned around and started walking.

"Oh no you don't…" he muttered and stopped me by grabbing my arm, pulling me towards him but I shoved him.

"I said I care about her- I love _you_!"

"It means nothing to me!" my voice rose involuntarily. "Don't you ever think you can take me for granted, Harry, I can walk away the moment I want to!"

"But you don't."

"It doesn't mean that I won't!" I retorted furiously. "I'll leave you first, you'll see, just before you can-I'll be the one who leaves first!"

He held my arm tightly, walking me backwards so that my back was against the wall and I was trapped between his body and the wall.

"Don't you think I know that?" he asked through clenched teeth. "I'm very well aware of it, Sarah."

"Yeah? Then I hope you're very well aware of the fact that I also hate you, Potter."

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yes! You're just so insufferable-"

"And you're so spoiled!"

"Arrogant!"

"Selfish!"

"Thoughtless!"

"Jealous!"

"Attention seeker!"

He suddenly crashed his lips to mine, pressing me against the wall more. Nipping at his bottom lip, I stood on my tiptoes to get a better angle. Hey, he could be an attention seeker, but it didn't mean that I didn't want to kiss him!

My hormones. It was just my hormones. That's all.

I could feel his body against mine and he interlaced our fingers, pressing my hands against the wall I was leaning. When he deepened the kiss, a whimper escaped from my mouth and it seemed like he was satisfied by the sound, smiling. When he broke the kiss, he brushed his lips to mine chastely once more, trying to catch his breath.

"God, Sarah, what the hell are you doing to me?"

I smiled innocently and he nuzzled his nose in my hair, inhaling deeply. I closed my eyes, relaxing in his arms, but suddenly, I snapped out of the bliss when someone gasped from the other side of the hall.

Then a shocked whisper reached my ears, making the panic take over my body, and my mind went completely blank from fear.

"Harry?"

* * *

**A.N2: **So, what do you think? Please tell me your opinions, comments, parts you liked, parts you didn't like, constructive criticism, ideas anything! =) I need to hear them!;)


	19. Forget Tomorrow

**A.N:So, the new chapterrr:D I hope you all will like it! Oh, and here are some songs (that I don't own at all) I listened while writing the chapter  
********************Playlist:  
Bat For Lashes- I'm On Fire  
Devics: The end and the beginning  
********************Low vs Diamond- Actions are Actions**

**Disclaimer:****************I don't own anything**_____******,**_ Harry Potter belongs to genius J K Rowling and **********any resemblance between my OC's and real persons, is purely coincidental.**************** I also don't own the title of the story, it's from Placebo's "Song To Say Goodbye", nor do I own the chapter title, which is a Devics song**

******************PS: Special thanks go to my amazing beta, mystrymoviebrunette!Without you, this chapter would be a mess! =))**

**SARAH'S POV**

You know what's really weird when your life crashes down?

The fact that you actually, literally _watch_ it crashing down.

For over a minute, I just stared at her, the person who now had a power over me, who could destroy my life if she wanted to.

Who surely would use it against me.

She covered her mouth with her hands, completely frozen on her spot, just like me.

"It was true…" she whispered disbelievingly. "I was right, it was true.."

"Hermione…" Harry said, in a calming tone but she held up a shaking hand, signaling him to be silent.

"Don't you dare, Harry Potter!"

He turned to me, seeing me stare at her silently. Why couldn't I make any noise? Why couldn't I move my body, Merlin damn it!

"Sar, go." He snapped his fingers before my eyes but when he saw that I didn't respond, he shook me by my shoulders. "Sarah!"

My eyes flicked up to his face. "Yes?" My voice didn't sound like it belonged to me at all; it was so weak, so silent.

"I'll handle this, go," he muttered to me, pushing me back gently. "Leave."

A step back. And another one. Then another one.

I turned around and started running, not looking back, not stopping at all. I just knew I needed to run. Out of there, out of my life…

I managed run for five full minutes before the sobs came. I supported myself, leaning a hand to the wall, struggling to breathe, but when I understood it was impossible for me to walk like that, I slipped and sat down onto the floor, hugging myself.

My whole body was shaking like a leaf, and only one thought was echoing in my head. It was over. My life, my reputation, my affair with him… It was all over.

It felt like something was grasping my heart, holding it tighter and tighter every time I breathed through sobs. That was it. Everyone would find out tomorrow morning, and my family would banish me, maybe even disown me and—

I would never see him again. Ever.

I grasped at my hair, pulling it hard. It wasn't supposed to end this way! It was not fair, I didn't—it wasn't—

When another wave of tears hit me, I buried my face to my arms, willing myself to stop the physical pain making it's way through my body. God, my head hurt, my _everywhere_ hurt-

And for one, stupid second, I wanted Harry here with me. For him to comfort me, tell me everything would be okay, we would find a way, _he_ would find a way—

_Get a grip!_ The ice queen side of me demanded to my_body.__ It's no use crying now, get up, and do something!_

"Sarah?"

Oh God, couldn't I be alone in my sorrow for one minute in this fucking castle? What was it about people in here tonight? Why did they always have to find me in most horrible situations?

It wouldn't matter anyway. I didn't have to worry about someone seeing my like this, crying on the floor. After all, people would think of so much worse things about me tomorrow.

I sniffled and wiped my nose to my sleeve, then raised my head to look Draco in the eye.

"What do you want?" I asked weakly, my voice hoarse from crying. He frowned slightly, as if he couldn't believe he was seeing me like this.

Well… he and me both.

"Wh—what happened?"

I didn't answer him, what was there to say now? He would be just another face that would look at me in disgust by tomorrow. I just sniffed again, suppressing the sobs.

"Okay…" he sat beside me awkwardly and I cleared my throat.

"Go away, Draco."

He ignored my plea. "Talk to me."

I dropped my gaze to my lap, twisting my sleeves. "I—I would walk by you if I saw you like this, can't you—" I gulped. "Can't you show me the same respect?"

He simply shrugged. "Looks like I can't."

I let out a hysterical laugh. "You're gonna regret this tomorrow."

"Why?" he asked in a tone that I would never expect from him: so gentle, as if he was trying not to scare me away.

To hell with this. I had nothing left to scare me. My biggest fear had just come true.

Just the thought of it turned me into a wreck again and sobs started ripping from my chest. Without knowing what I was doing, I leaned my head to his shoulder, unable to resist this urge to feel someone-anyone close to me.

"What's scaring you this much, Sar?"

Even if I didn't want to, Harry's voice rang in my ears.

"_You don't have to be that scared, you know?"_

_I arched a brow, looking at him daringly. "Scared?"_

_He nodded. "This ice queen act, being cold to everyone, not showing any emotion… Not everyone around you will use your emotions against you."_

"_They used it against you," I stated coldly and his jaw clenched, but he managed to stay calm._

"_You're not me," he said slowly. "No one has any reason to use it against you."_

"_Just because I'm not running around to save the world, doesn't mean that I don't have enemies, Harry," I said, feeling him stroking my hair and I moved a little on the couch. _

"_Besides..." I said. "What makes you think I have any emotions to show?"_

"_You do," he said. "You might think you don't, but you do."_

"_Then why is it that I don't actually care about anyone? Or love anyone? Or… you name it, I don't have any positive feelings for anyone besides my family."_

"_Your best friend-"_

"_Natalie is family." _

_He heaved a sigh. "You can't tell me you didn't care about anyone ever."_

"_Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't." _

_There was a silence, and when he talked, his voice was decisive._

"_I'll make you feel something," he said. "I'll do it, I swear to God."_

_I suppressed a mocking smile. "Well… have fun in your world of dreams, Potter."_

Remembering those made me cry, no matter how much I wanted to stop, I couldn't, I just let the sobs control my body.

"H-Have you…" I took a deep breath, sniffing. "Have you ev-ever found yourself in something beyond your power?"

He paused, his body going tense for some reason.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "I did."

I let out a shaking breath. "It sucks, doesn't it?" I asked. "You think you can control your life, control things that are gonna happen to you, and one second later, you find yourself hopeless… lost… weak… Your personality changes, your everything changes, yet, the situation doesn't change… Waiting to take you down. Waiting to be your downfall. And you just wait until it happens, knowing it'll end you sooner or later, unable to help yourself."

He snuck an arm around my waist and I sniffed again, closing my eyes.

"Sarah-"

"Draco, don't," I whispered. "You're gonna hate me tomorrow anyway, just…" I couldn't say the rest of the sentence and he didn't push me.

"We should go to Common Room, you can't stay like this out here."

I shook my head, but he ignored me and pulled me by my hand, so I had to stand up and I let him walk me to the portrait. After giving the password, we went in and I sat down onto the couch, wiping my face. He sat across me, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I should probably go to my dorm…" I muttered, ignoring the pounding in my head. "Thanks. I think."

One side of me urged me to threaten him not to tell anyone about what he saw, but I shut my mouth. What use was it?

"Good night," I muttered and took a couple steps to the stairs, but paused when I heard him saying my name.

"Sarah?"

I turned around to look at him.

"You're not weak," he said slowly. "Or hopeless. Or lost."

I let out a bitter, mocking laugh. "After seeing me breaking down in the hall, you still believe that?"

He seemed like thinking for a second, then he merely shrugged.

"Yeah," he said. "It just shows that infamous Sarah Beckingham is a human, after all. I don't know about you, but it'll take a lot for me to get over that fact."

I forced a smile and climbed the stairs, then went into the dorm. Seeing everyone's sleeping forms, I walked towards the window and sat down on the window sill, leaning my head to the foggy glass.

For the whole night, I just stood like that, watching the moon's reflection on the Black Lake.

And scared like hell of the morning.

* * *

"Come on, tell me what's wrong!" Natalie whispered as we walked to the Great Hall. Every cell in my body screamed at me to run to my safe dormitory, but I knew I couldn't run away from this.

Just this morning. Tomorrow I would be far away.

Even the thought made my eyes fill with tears, but I blinked them back, clearing my throat.

"Um-Nat?" I said and she turned to me. "You do know that I love you, right?"

She raised her brows, giving me a shocked look. "Okay, now I know something is wrong. Spill it."

We had reached the Great Hall now, and I took a deep breath.

"Whatever happens, I trust you to look after Beth," I said, and walked into the Hall. Familiar buzzing of chatter filled my ears and I took my spot, my heart beating in my ears.

_Stay strong!_ I scolded myself and ignored my legs' shaking. Before I knew it, my eyes turned to Gryffindor table.

Wait a second…

Ginny was resting her head on Harry's shoulder, and she looked like she was talking with Granger happily.

My mouth fell open and I shook my head slightly. That was it. I had lost my mind.

Or I was hallucinating.

Yeah, definitely that one.

When Natalie stepped on my foot, I contrived closing my mouth and she leant towards me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

I tried to clear my throat. "N—Nat?" I said. "You didn't—did any of the girls hear anything unusual about—me?"

"Like what?"

I nodded towards Gryffindor table and her eyes widened.

"Of course not, Sarah, do you think anyone would be this silent if that were the case?"

"Nothing…at all?"

"Are you gonna tell me what your problem is, or do I have to force you?"

I let out a shaking breath, but a second later, I was distracted by a grey owl landing on my plate.

"For me?" I said and reached out to untie the letter, and opened it with trembling hands.

_Meet me at the room behind the training grounds after the breakfast. And please, don't do anything stupid._

_H_

"S?"

My head shot up, as I considered the possibilities.

_Oh no…_

"I'm fine." I said almost mechanically. "I'm alright."

"Who sent the letter?" she muttered after looking around and I passed it to her.

"What does he mean, don't do anything stupid?" she whispered. "Sarah, what are you up to?"

I checked around, and after making sure no one was listening, I leant forward.

"Granger walked in on us last night."

She sucked in a huge breath.

"WHAT?" she screamed and the students around us fell silent. I let out a sharp sigh.

"Go back to your stupid conversations or whatever you were doing!" I demanded in my best icy tone and after giving her a nod towards the exit, Natalie and I stood up and walked out of the Great Hall.

"What do you mean?" she held my arm tightly once we reached an empty corridor and I forced myself to shrug.

"Exactly what you heard. She walked in on us, and now it seems like something will happen. Big."

She ran a hand through her hair, walking back and forth.

"But Potter and Weasley look nauseatingly close…" she said. "If—"

"Apparently she didn't tell her yet, and that means she wants something," I could feel my stomach leaping painfully. "Probably she wants Harry to end this affair or something."

Although my tone was flat, I was having a hard time with stopping my hands' shaking, so I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Y-You wouldn't though?" she asked weakly. "Right? I mean you could hide it pretty well until now... You can work it behind her back, like always?"

I shook my head, gulping back the lump in my throat, trying to keep my voice from cracking.

"I don't know," I whispered pleadingly. "I just—don't know anymore."

* * *

When I walked into the abandoned room, I couldn't believe how I felt. It felt like I was walking to my own execution. I clenched my teeth, forcing myself to look strong. I could cry all I wanted when I got to somewhere where no one could see me. It wasn't the right time, or place, or person for it.

"Hey," he said as I walked closer to him. "How are you?"

I brushed my hair off my face, locking my eyes into his brilliant green ones.

"Fine," I said slowly. "You?"

"Fine," he gulped and I rolled my eyes.

"I'll save you the trouble then," I said firmly, hearing my heart pounding in my ears. "No need to beat around the bush. Fun while it lasted. Time to move on. We should see other people—well, you already are, so... Wish you happiness. Bye."

When I turned around, he grabbed my arm and spun me around.

"What?" he asked disbelievingly. "Wait—wh—are you breaking up with me?"

I blinked dumbly. "Uh—aren't _you_?"

"No!" he said a bit loudly. "Of course not! Sarah—why would I do such a thing?"

I was totally at loss for words, so I settled on a "Huh."

"You thought I was gonna break up with you?"

I ignored his question. "What did Granger do?"

"Nothing," he said. "We talked. Well, she yelled at me for two hours but then, she accepted to listen to me."

"And?"

"And she's not gonna tell anyone."

I huffed. "And in return?"

"In return, nothing," he said sternly. "Sarah, she's my friend, what did you think she would want in return?"

"She's her friend too," I stated coldly. "So what, she has a trump card in her hands and she won't use it? And you actually believed it?"

"Yes!" he said. "Why wouldn't I? Hermione is not like that, Sar, she doesn't—she doesn't try to mess with people's lives." When he saw my glare, he heaved a sigh.

"Look, I talked with her until morning. And—I think she understands what's happening."

"How can she understand? Even I can't, and I'm the other side of this affair."

He rubbed his face. "Look, everything is fine now. No need to panic or anything. Oh and, for the records, assuming that I wanted to break up with you, was one of the things I meant by saying _don't do anything stupid_."

I tried to work my brain which had obviously decided to stop. "So… we're not breaking up?"

He smiled at me, then lowered his head to brush his lips against mine, gently.

"I'm so sorry for what I'm about to say, but I gotta go, I have practice," he said quietly, pushing a stray of my hair behind my ear and he pressed his lips to my forehead, and I could physically feel what he felt: care, fondness, love…

"See you tonight," he whispered and walked out of the room.

For over five minutes, I stood like that, frozen in the middle of the room.

We were still together.

Everything was okay. Not completely, of course, but…

He still wanted me.

And we were still together.

A hysterical laugh escaped from my lips, and it became louder and louder, and uncontrollable, so much that I had to hug myself, my stomach beginning to hurt. My laughter echoed in the empty room, ringing in my ears.

We were okay.

Together.

I took a deep breath, and a wave of sobs hit me with full force, then I fell on my knees, still hugging myself. And for some reason, the tears that I had been holding back since this morning spilled to my cheeks, and my laughter mixed with my sobs, till the point I couldn't tell one from another.

"It's okay…" I whispered to myself, for an unknown reason, I needed to hear it out loud. "It's okay, it's alright, everything's alright…"

Still laughing to myself, I fell on my back, eyes focused on the ceiling.

And for the next hour, I stayed like that, completely still, then I stood up, tidied myself up, wiped my eyes and walked out of the room. Raising my head, I heaved a deep sigh and leaned up against the outside wall of the training house, watching the blur that was Harry speed around the pitch. They had released the Snitch, and Harry was in full-speed pursuit of it, the wind blowing his hair back and billowing his robes out behind him. He almost caught it several times, but kept being nearly hit by the bludgers. The pattern kept repeating: Harry would be inches from the Snitch, his fingers almost closed around the golden sphere, when a bludger would come out of nowhere and he would have to veer off-course at the last moment, avoiding disaster but losing the Snitch.

In the cold evening air, I told myself I was stupid for thinking that had any meaning for myself, but it hardly worked for more than a moment. I set my eyes on the grass as walked back up to the castle. I heard cheers from the pitch just before I went inside, and I knew Harry had finally managed to catch the snitch.

I had an equally certain feeling that we would not be so lucky.

* * *

**A.N2: **So, what do you think? Please tell me your opinions, comments, parts you liked, parts you didn't like, constructive criticism, ideas anything! =) I need to hear them!;)


	20. Stare At The Sun

**A.N:So, the new chapter! I hope you all will like it, and thanks soo much for the amazing reviews! Oh, and here are some songs (that I don't own at all) I listened while writing the chapter  
********************Playlist:**

**Mutemath- Stare at the sun**

**Ume-Run Wild**

**Disclaimer:****************I don't own anything**_____******,**_ Harry Potter belongs to genius J K Rowling and **********any resemblance between my OC's and real persons, is purely coincidental.**************** I also don't own the title of the story, it's from Placebo's "Song To Say Goodbye", nor do I own the title of the chapter, which is a song by Mutemath**

******************PS: Special thanks go to my amazing beta, mystrymoviebrunette!=))**

**SARAH'S POV**

"Okay, and now I wanna go and hug her," Natalie announced when I finished telling her what happened, and I made a face.

"Easy there…"

"Sarah, you managed to be busted by the only person who obviously won't tell anything to anyone! Do you drink Felix Felicis when you wake up, or something like that?" She smiled brightly and I heaved a sigh.

"Natalie, she can't expect me to believe she doesn't want anything in return… Come on, it's a chance! I would've done so many things if it were—"

"Yeah, and thank God, Granger isn't anything like you."

"She's up to something," I said stubbornly. "She must be… I just know it! I can feel it!"

She gave me an exhausted glare. "You're acting like Trelawney, you know that?" she asked mockingly and I pinched her arm.

"Ouch!"

"Why do you have to be so naïve?"

"Why do you have to be the eternal pessimist?" she asked back. "Look, it's a good thing, S, okay? Just—why can't you be grateful?"

I shrugged and picked up my stuff, and pushed them into my bag.

"Come on, we should go," I said. "Slughorn."

She heaved a sigh and stood up, then followed me into the castle. We climbed the stairs, and made our way to classroom, but just before I stepped into there, I heard my name called out.

"Sarah!"

I turned around to see Draco and arched a brow.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?"

I could feel Natalie's eyes burning a hole on my back and I cussed silently, "We were just—"

"It won't take long," he said and I tried to smile.

"Okay," I said and after shooting Natalie an apologizing look, we walked behind a column.

"What happened?"

He scratched the back of his neck, shifting his weight

"I wanted to know that if—you're okay, after that night."

Oh.

Damn it.

"I'm fine," I said tensely. "Is that all?"

"No, you—" he paused. "Look, it's the first and last time I'll ever ask you this. You looked really panicked, and I w—"

"You don't need to worry about me," I said, my nose in the air. "Thank you for helping me in that situation, and I feel ashamed for letting you see me like that, but that will never happen again. I lost my control for a while, that's all, and I would be really happy if we didn't talk about it again."

"S, come on, don't give me that…" he said impatiently. "If—"

"Draco, please," I pleaded "I don't want to talk about it, not now, not ever."

He seemed like he would argue for a minute, but then, shut his mouth and shrugged nonchalantly.

"We'd better go to class now," he said and I nodded, and when we walked out from behind the column, but paused when I saw two figures stopped walking. Harry's eyes narrowed into slits and Hermione shot him a worried look, gulping.

"Draco—" I started but he smirked slightly.

"Mudblood," he greeted. "Where's your other boyfriend?"

She glared at him and Harry took a step towards him, but I walked towards the classroom and turned around.

"Draco?" I called out and he turned to shoot me a weird look.

"I think you would rather save your time for people who actually deserve it?"

He raised his brows and I smiled seductively.

"I get really bored when you play by yourself," I pouted and he glared at both of them, then turned around and walked into the class, with me on his tail. I took my spot next to Natalie.

"What did he want?"

I shrugged. "To talk."

"About?" For some reason, her voice was demanding and I raised my brow.

"Um—he saw me in a… well, bad condition other day, he wanted to make sure I'm alright.."

The look in her eyes softened and she stole a glance at him. "Bad condition?"

"When Granger walked in on us," I whispered, opening my book when Slughorn walked into the classroom.

"He's a good friend," she muttered more to herself and I looked at her suspiciously. She didn't..

"Nat, please don't tell me we're back to that subject again," I said in a tense voice. "Because now is not the time for that…"

She raised her head and smiled in an assuring way. "Of course not," she mumbled. "I feel weird today, that's all."

I blinked dumbly.

"Yeah, okay," I said and focused my attention on the book, taking a deep breath.

And acting completely oblivious to _his_ glances at me.

* * *

"I swear, sometimes, I want to pull a Weasley and leave this castle," Natalie groaned when we left the classroom. "I mean, why are we even trying anyways? Potter always manages to make better potions than us."

I rolled my eyes, making a mental note to ask Harry about that someday.

"Sarah?" someone spoke from behind me and I and Natalie turned to her immediately.

"Mary," I said. "Hey. What's up?"

She smiled at me and looked around, then lowered her voice.

"About the information you wanted…Potter and Weasley?"

My heart skipped a beat and Natalie shifted her weight.

"Yes?"

"Apparently they had a fight the other day, but girls in the Gryffindor told me that they had made up before the breakfast."

I raised my brows. "Anything else?"

"They said that Potter said he had overreacted and that he was sorry."

I clenched my teeth. "Yeah, okay… Alright. Thanks."

She smiled at me politely and walked away. I, on the other hand, huffed and leaned my back against the wall, crossing my arms.

"As if you didn't know they would make up," she said and I shrugged.

"That's not it... it's just—" I paused. "He apologizes to her because of some fight? When I get an apologize, it's probably because he's dating with her at the same time he's with me!"

She bit her bottom lip. "S, I'm sure it's just—"

"You know what, some days I just want to say the hell with it and kiss him at the middle of Great Hall."

Her eyes widened and I let out a forced laugh.

"Don't panic, Natalie, I said I 'want' to, not that I would. I have no desire to ruin my life, thank you very much."

She shook her head slightly. "Aren't you afraid? At all?"

I turned my glances to her. "Really? I'm scared the hell out. I'm just really good at pretending, that's all."

She shot me a sympathetic look and I pushed myself off from the wall.

"I'm going to library," I said.

"I thought we were going to—"

"I know, just…tell the girls I'm busy or..whatever," I said and started walking to the library. When I got there, I walked to the far back of the library, until there was no one around me. I pulled myself a chair and sat down, leaning my head on my arms which were resting on the table.

I had no idea how much time I spent like that until someone softly spoke my name.

"Um—Sarah?"

I lifted my head up from my arms and when I saw Granger standing there, I looked around, alarmed.

"No one's here, don't worry."

I clenched my teeth, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Have you lost your mind?" I whispered. "If someone saw me talking with you—"

"No one's here," she repeated. "I swear."

I heaved a deep sigh.

"Fine, I'll play along… What do you want?"

"I thought we could talk," she said confidently, her chin up, and I frowned.

"Well, you thought wrong, Granger—"

"You stopped Malfoy from insulting me today," she cut me off—something almost no one had ever dared to do before—and I arched a brow

"You're welcome. Now if you could leave, I would be—"

"Why?"

I tapped my foot on the floor, getting more impatient by the second. "I was feeling generous. Now, why don't you tell me what you really want to keep your mouth shut, and we can get on with it?"

She smiled slightly. "Harry mentioned it the other day… You seriously don't believe I don't want anything from you?"

I stood up, leaning on my hip. "What, you two started gossiping about me now?"

"Sarah, I'm not gonna threaten you or something like that, you don't have to be this defensive."

I tried not to lower my guard. "Gryffindors usually do stupid stuff when I least expect it as you know, so…"

She dropped her gaze and gulped, then, looked at me.

"Usually you would be the one who supported Malfoy with all those insults, I just wondered—"

"Why I did it?" I finished her sentence for her. "I suddenly got hit by the urge to be your friend and—" I stopped the words _'lower my social status'_ before they could leave my mouth. "What do you think?"

She paused for a second. "He was right then. When he told me, I didn't believe it, but you do care about him."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the comment. "Look, you and that Weasley bloke are the people where the line is drawn, so… It has nothing to with you, or him for that matter, I just didn't feel like arguing with him again. That's all, no ulterior move, nothing. Okay?"

She let out a breath. "Fine."

"Yeah. Now onto my question, weren't you supposed to curse me or something like that, or are you gonna try killing me with your wit?"

"What?"

"You're good friends with—" I gulped, "Ginny. Am I wrong? Let's assume I believed you, you don't want anything, or planning anything… Why didn't you still spill it to her?"

"Harry is my friend too," she said as if it was the most undeniable truth in the world and I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Yeah, thanks for the flash news."

"No, I mean—" she chuckled. "Look, I'm not gonna lie to you, I don't really like this situation—"

"Get in the line."

"—but," she said as if I hadn't interrupted her, "even when I didn't know what happened, before Ginny, when you two were... together—" when I opened my mouth to deny we were together as a reflex, she held up a hand, signaling me to listen, "Harry was... different, happier, and... more relaxed, you know, as if he was a normal teenager. I have no idea how, or why, but obviously he is more…himself when he's with you. I would never take this away from him, even if I disapprove."

For over a minute, I couldn't say anything, I just gawked at her and when I could find my voice, I had to clear my throat.

"Gryffindors are just weird…" I said more to myself. "Why do you people always have to tell me what you really think? Do you see me doing that to you, seriously?"

"But he has to end it with Ginny sooner or later, after all she's my friend too, and she doesn't deserve it. We just need to figure out how to do it without hurting her. Harry and I talked about it and he said he would—" She was cut off when I gasped, not daring to believe. I could feel a smile making it's way to my lips but I pursed my lips, biting my tongue.

She smiled softly. "You know what, I told Harry I would never believe it, but… you're not the cold, selfish android you appear to be."

I eyed her up and down, trying to get what she really meant, but when I couldn't, I had to ask.

"What's an android?"

She tried not to laugh. "I can tell you that later," she said and I crossed my arms.

"By the way, for your information… it doesn't mean you're suddenly my friend or something like that..."

She looked at me wearily. "I didn't expect it to."

"Good. Because—you know, you and your opinions couldn't mean less to me—"

She raised her eyebrows. "Yeah? Then why did you stay here and listen me talk when you could easily have walked away?"

I couldn't find something to say, my mind felt totally empty. Yeah, why did I do that?

"Tell Harry I heard about their... making up," I said, changing the subject. "How kind of him to apologize…"

Her eyes widened. "How did you...?"

"Oh please, Granger, I'm everywhere," I walked past her, then paused and turned around.

"In return for you not saying anything…" I said. "Tell me when you need any help with that Weasley guy, and we'll see what we can do." I smiled when I saw her blushing almost immediately. "You have no taste in men at all, but still… I don't like owing anything to anyone…" I winked at her and left the library, still smiling for some reason.

* * *

**A.N2: **So, what do you think? Please tell me your opinions, comments, parts you liked, parts you didn't like, constructive criticism, ideas anything! =) I need to hear them!;)

**Review Responses:**

**ashley199935 : **aww, thank youu! and yayy, I surprised you! lol=)

**Mysterygirl123: **Yayy! I just love Hermione, and I really want to involve her into the story more:D

**Ellie**: Omg thank you so much! I'm really glad you loved it!=)


	21. What Words Just Can't Convey

**A.N: To everyone who read this, I'm back! ;) I don't know if you still read this though:p lol:D anyways, enjoy, and please don't forget to review! ;) also, thanks so much to mecherry for the pm and encouraging me! :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Harry Potter belongs to genius JK Rowling and any resemblance between my OCs and real persons are completely coincidental. I also don't own the title of the story, it's from Placebo's "Songs To Say Goodbye", nor do I own the title of the story, which is from the song Big Freeze by Muse**

**Ps: To my lovely beta mystrymoviebrunette, I don't know if you're still here or interested or remember me or anything, lol and something seems to be up with my mail, so could you please pm me if you read this? thanks;)**

* * *

**SARAH'S POV**

"You know what's really weird?"

My best friend heaved a sigh "Pray tell."

"I really, really can't focus on the subject, because I'm annoyed, and when I don't focus on the subject, it gets me even more annoyed, because I don't understand anything! All this, is like a vicious circle!"

She glared at me, then pointed at my book with her quill

"Study!"

"I don't want to!" I whined, pushing the books on the table "Can't we do anything else?"

"Sarah-"

"You know what we should do? We should get Malfoy and Blaise over here, then-"

"I said no!" she said sternly and poked me with the quill "Focus!"

"It's weekend, and what are we doing here? Studying. Please, please just repeat this sentence in your mind and find what's wrong with it."

"I swear to God-"

"I'll tell you what's wrong! The whole bloody sentence!"

"Shh!"

"Honestly, who does that?!"

She pinched the bridge of her nose, reminding me of her mother, and opened her eyes, giving me a daring glare, then, she pointed at my book again.

I let out a pathetic moan, but she didn't seem affected at all.

"I will be the one you will bitch at when you fail." She said patiently "So, I'm stopping it before it can happen. Alright?"

"I'm already bitching at you." I reminded her and she buried her face to her hands

"Merlin help me."

"Help all of us!" I said dramatically, throwing my hands in the air "Save us from this madness!"

"Okay, that's it…" she muttered "Go and find the- the…" she waved a hand in the air and leaned over the book to whisper "The boy who refuses to get laid even if you want to."

"What?"

"Overly hormonal Gryffindor?"

"I thought you said no to those nicknames." I told her and she heaved a sigh

"I'm still trying to come up with something better."

"Secret boyfriend who lived?" I offered and she threw her head back

"Your lack of creativity knows no boundaries."

"Shut up, nerd." I poked her and pushed my chair back, then stood up and stretched out "I'm out of here."

"Thank Merlin." She said, turning her attention back to her book, and I looked over my shoulder to look at the girls who stood up to follow me

"Nah, you stay here." I told them dismissively and turned to Natalie

"So? You sure you're staying?"

"Leave please, I'm begging you on my knees!"

"Fine fine… I'll be back soon-"

"Don't."

"Bye!" I pecked her on the cheek and left the Common Room. I checked my watch, making a quick deduction of where Harry would be, then made my way to a hallway.

* * *

I pushed myself off the wall when I saw Harry coming towards me –alone, thank God- and pulled him behind the column.

"What the-" he pulled his wand but lowered it when he saw me

"Sarah, what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm bored." I crossed my arms "Entertain me."

He blinked a few times as if he didn't understand what I meant

"Uh-what?"

"Entertain me." I repeated, waving my hands as if saying 'here you go'

He let out a chuckle "Are you serious?"

"I'm bored." I stomped on my foot, "Find me a way to have fun. Preferably with you."

"S, -"

"Please?"

He seemed torn between ideas "Sar, I'm late for the practice-"

"So?"

"I _am_ the captain, you know?"

I pouted, narrowing my eyes "You prefer sitting on a broom and looking for Snitch over spending time with me?"

"Why are you trying to pick up a fight?"

I shrugged

"Look, meet me after the practice, I swear I'll entertain you, as you put it." He pecked me on the lips but I pinched his arm

"Harry!"

"What?"

"You're the worst secret affair ever." I stated "Let me put it this way, I don't do good things when I'm bored."

He smiled down at me fondly "Try to hold on a couple hours love, I'll be back before you know it."

I frowned "You go to that practice, and I'll withdraw any kind of foreplay for a week!"

"A week?"

I paused, thinking it over "Fine, a couple days." I sighed "Harry, come onnn, pretty please?"

He rolled his eyes "Grit your teeth, drama queen."

"But-"

"Go torture those idiots around you, bully people…Isn't it what you do in your free time?"

I smacked his arm and he chuckled

"Sarah, we have a Slytherin match coming, the team needs that practice, okay? See you later." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and walked away, leaving me gawking after him.

My so called boyfriend had left me for a Quidditch practice.

"I'll castrate you as soon as you come back Potter." I said through my teeth and stormed out of the hallway

* * *

"Have I mentioned how much I hate my secret affair?" I threw my body on the couch next to Natalie and she closed her book with a sigh

"You're back already?" she tilted her head to the right "If you were sleeping together, I'd say he had some performance problems…"

"He probably has some problems." I pointed out "And also, I despise him."

"What did you do this time?" she asked, and I opened my mouth, but then, gave her a disbelieving glare

"Me?" I asked "I didn't do anything!"

"I don't believe that for a second."

I pulled my brows together "Whose side are you on?"

She shrugged "Potter's."

"My point exac-" I paused "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm on his side in this relationship. At least he can be reasonable sometimes."

"Natalie, he has a girlfriend and a secret affair with me at the same time."

She looked deep in thought "Well I did say _sometimes_, didn't I?"

I wrinkled up my nose "You're not funny at all!" I exclaimed, poking her with my quill "And I'm hungry."

"No, you just don't want to study."

"That too," I admitted "But would you rather it if I started biting the edges of your books?"

She heaved a deep sigh and checked her watch.

"Okay, I'm gonna get ready and we can go to Great Hall." She said and walked upstairs, to our dorm. I put my feet to the arm of the couch and lifted one of the books to my eye level, then tossed it to the floor. I covered my eyes with my arm and heard someone entering the room, but didn't pay attention to them.

That was until they sat beside the couch. I frowned and pulled my arm back, to see Draco looking down at me.

"Did you want something?" I asked him and he smirked

"No. Admiring the view."

I tried to ignore how much it sounded like Harry. Rolling my eyes, I tried to push him off the couch

"Go away."

He clutched his heart "I'm hurt."

"Yeah, you don't have a heart. This couch is too small for two people, Seeker, go away!"

"To where? It's my Common Room too, you know…"

"Go- go practice Quidditch, isn't that what men do in their free time?"

"Pitch is occupied-"

"By Gryffindor, I know." I noticed what slipped from my lips at the last second and hissed silently. He shot me a weird look

"You keep up with Gryffindor Quidditch practice schedule?"

I made a face "I saw them getting ready while I was coming here." I said "I needed to take some fresh air, Natalie keeps making me study."

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs, getting ready for dinner. I'm starving" I heaved a sigh and inspected my fingernails "And today is boring."

"I could entertain you, if you found me."

I snorted, praying Natalie would come downstairs soon "I'll pass that offer, thank you." I said "Besides, you have a lot to think about, I'm sure."

He seemed uncomfortable for a second "Such as?"

"Such as Quidditch! I swear I'll attack someone if we let Gryffindor win the cup this year too!"

"You're telling me…"

"I mean it." I sat up straighter "It's getting too annoying." I poked him "Do something about it."

"Me?"

"Yes! Who else?"

Draco shook his head slightly "There are more important things in life than school cups, Sar. Especially now."

"Who are you and what did you do to Draco?"

He chuckled "You should know it better than anybody." He said "And tell Natalie not to put so much thought on school work."

I pulled my brows together "And it's because…?"

"The Dark Lord will not check our grades, will he?" he asked "Since he is back… All that matters is how faithful you are, or how devoted. School hardly means a thing anymore."

I could feel the playfulness leaving me in a second, and my expression turned stony.

"Right." I said slowly "Yes. You're right."

It felt as if my stomach was filled with ice. Yes, The Dark Lord was back and…

After Harry.

_He's here_. I thought to myself, in an attempt to relax myself _He's here, just in a Quidditch practice. He's safe_.

Until when?

"Hey there, I'm-" Natalie paused when she saw Draco "Ready."

"Hey Natalie."

"Hi Draco." She smiled as I pushed myself off the couch, not hungry at all anymore.

"Are you coming to the dinner?"

Draco nodded "In minutes. Don't wait for me, since Sar is starving…"

She laughed and I stared at them, then tried to smile

"Yeah. Um- see you there." I said and pushed open the portrait, with Natalie running to catch up with me

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I muttered "I'm just hungry, that's all. Lets go."

* * *

"I'm talking to you, Sar, are you listening?"

"I am."

Blaise raised his brows "What was I saying?"

"Bla bla boring Quidditch bitching bla." I said, turning my gaze to my plate, twirling my fork in pasta but not taking it to my mouth. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Draco and Blaise exchange looks, but neither of them said anything, instead they turned to Natalie, who shrugged nonchalantly.

"You okay there Sar?"

"Just because I don't feel like taking participation in your yet another immature game conversation, doesn't mean that I'm not fine." I said tersely and Blaise frowned and opened his mouth, but Draco beat him to it

"Weren't you just telling me how you didn't want Gryffindor to take the cup this year?"

"Didn't you just tell me it's not important anymore?" I asked back and Natalie tilted her head to the right, then stole a look at Gryffindor table.

I felt like bursting into a laughter, why did she always assume my bad spirits were caused by Harry and the stupid redhead slut?

Blaise cleared his throat, apparently still annoyed and leaned back, crossing his arms

"What happened Sar, does your spies not tell you stuff you need to know about Potter anymore?" he asked and my head shot up, my eyes wide. My stomach leaped and suddenly I blocked out everything but him.

"W-What?"

"You're not the only person with friends in different houses." Blaise grinned and Natalie squeezed my hand under the table, tense beside me

"What are you talking about again?" she asked and Blaise leaned forwards, a grin playing at his lips

"Our precious ice queen has a new target, isn't that right, S?"

"What target?" Draco asked, confused "Sarah?"

"Nothing Draco. Look, Blaise thinks he's being smart, isn't it adorable?"

Blaise shot me a look "You should be careful of what you order to people, one would get the wrong idea."

"Oh really? Why don't you share that idea?" I growled and he held up his hands mockingly

"Well we know for a fact that you're gonna use that info to play him, but a simple observer would think that you have an…interest."

"Interest? On Potter?" Natalie snorted "Watch your mouth, Blaise."

"I lost my appetite." I pushed my plate, the anger boiling inside of me and I attempted to stand up, but Draco grabbed my hand before I could stand up to my full height, making people around us and Harry and Granger to look at us.

"Sar. Sit down."

The shock only lasted couple of seconds and as soon as it wore off, I started seeing red

"The next time you order me I'm gonna take your wand and shove it up your-"

"I'm not ordering you." Draco said calmly "I'm asking you to."

I glared at him, half of my face curtained by my hair, my teeth clenched. I pulled my hand back forcefully, only to slam both hands to the table and lean in towards Blaise

"Sarah-" Natalie tried to calm me down "Sweetie-"

"You should be careful from now on." My voice resembled a hiss, a true Slytherin snake. "Because what you do, and what you accuse me of…" I smirked, and leaned to whisper into his ear "Not only affects you, but also your family. Just like I affect my family and their decisions on whom they do business with." I pulled back, my smile the very picture of innocence.

_Chin up, head high Beckingham._

I grabbed my bag from my seat and stormed out of the Great Hall, bumping into people but not turning to apologize or even look. I tried to get my breathing under control as I walked into an empty hallway, throwing my bag to the floor and sat down, pulling at my hair.

He was gonna be fine. Of course he would be fine and no one was suspecting of anything and everything was gonna be perfect and shit.

"Sarah?"

"Gryffindors should stop following me already." I grumbled to myself and turned my head "He started sending you now, Granger?"

She didn't look bothered at all "You looked distressed and-"

"I'm fine." I smiled at her sweetly "I don't know why you'd think that. Anyways, you're his owl now or something? He couldn't get up to follow me because Weasel was sitting in his lap?"

"For a Slytherin, you sure are terrible at hiding your emotions."

"That would be because I don't have emotions." I pointed out and she snorted, crossing her arms.

"Sarah-"

"So, how're the classes going? How's the whole thing with male Weasel going?"

"What happened?" she asked again "Ginny wasn't even-"

"I'm gonna throw you a curse, I don't even care how smart you are." I tried to threaten her but she didn't look affected at all.

"What happened?"

I took a deep breath and eyed her up and down "How can you be friends with him?"

She paused "What?"

"The guy is practically a dead man walking, and The Dark Lord is back and he's gonna- he's gonna go after him and won't stop until he's dead and- and-" I blinked back the tears, stammering "Just- you know, you should- you should- be trying to-" I stopped talking when words started feeling too much and closed my eyes, resting my head back on the wall.

"Sarah, he's gonna be fine."

"Yeah." I muttered "Yeah. I forgot. You guys still think you're gonna win this war."

"Yes." She said with determination in her voice "We do. We will."

"Why does bravery always equal naivety?" I muttered and lifted my head from the wall when I heard another voice

"Thanks Hermione, I'll take it from here." Harry said, eyes locked on me and I rolled my eyes

"Great. Yay for Gryffindor Support Team."

"You sure?"

"I could handle clawing and screaming, I think I can handle a little pessimism and sarcasm." He murmured to her "Comes with the package, really-"

"Granger, get out of the way." I pointed my wand at him but he didn't even bother to look at least a bit intimidated. Hermione let out a small laugh

"See you later Sarah."

"Later, Granger." I waved a hand as Harry sat beside me

"So. I leave you alone for couple of hours and you think I'm gonna die?"

"You have a way with words, Potter."

"Obviously." He said with a small smile "What's wrong?"

"Blaise was making assumptions about-" I paused "Well… He was- Nevermind. I talked to Draco earlier."

He clenched his teeth

"Mm?"

"Yeah. And he was going on and on about how the Dark Lord was back-"

"Voldemort."

A shiver ran down my spine "I'm gonna smack you in the head, Potter, Merlin help me-"

"He was talking, and?"

"And nothing." I muttered "That's it."

He paused

"You got angry because Malfoy said Voldemort was back?" he said, confused "Um, Sarah, I don't know where you've been for the last months, but he is-"

"Yeah and how are you not panicking?" I asked defensively "What if- what if something happens, Harry? What if he finds a way into the school? What if he attacks in summer? What if-"

"Sarah. Breathe."

"Don't fucking tell me to breathe!" I smacked him in the arm "What if something happens to you?" my voice dropped to a whisper and he smiled softly, then pressed a kiss to my head.

"Come on." He stood up and offered me his hand. I stared up at him

"Where are we going?"

"To the Room of Requirement-" he heaved a deep sigh upon seeing my expression "Not for that," he added "I told you. No sex until you believe that I love you. But I promised you earlier to entertain you remember?"

"I'm talking about something important here-"

"You're panicking." He said "Don't get me wrong, it's quite a sight-" I smacked his hand "This relationship is going abusive-" I smacked his hand again "Okay, okay, stop hitting me woman!"

"Harry, I'm serious-"

"Sarah." He cut me off "It's gonna be fine, okay? I know he's back."

"But you aren't doing anything-"

"I am." He cut me off "Don't ask any more questions, but I'm not gonna be defenseless. Now, are you coming to the Room of Requirement so that I can distract you?"

I sighed, took his hand and stood up

"This conversation is not over."

"I wouldn't dream of it. And I thought girlfriend nagging was just a myth."

"Oh, Ginny is giving you a hard time?" I snarked and he hung his arm over my shoulder

"No, a certain Slytherin is." He said as we approached to Room of Requirements and the door appeared. "And I'm gonna try to shut her up-" he pressed a kiss to my lips "Even if it takes me hours."

I giggled and let him pull me towards the door, and we both stumbled into the room.

* * *

A.N2: So what do you think? Please tell me your opinions, comments, parts you liked or didn't like, constructive criticism, anything! I need to hear them! ;)

Review Responses:

Ashley199935: Yayy thank you so much hun! They're definitely gonna get closer;)

PrincesaAztex: Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad to hear that you could relate to them hun;)

Rbp: Thank you so much! İt's great to hear that you liked it! ;)

Harryandsarah: Thank you soo much hun! İt means a lot to hear that! Oh that friendship is gonna rock;) and their relationship… it's gonna be fun;)

AceyKerr: yayy thank you so much! It's back;)

Crazii4luv: aw, thank you so much hun! I'm so glad to hear that! ;)


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